InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "oh dear"

Yenyoji Quryoja (takenblack) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2015-12-06 12:33:00

Entry tags:

elena gilbert (au), pavel chekov (au), yenyoji quryoja

Day 352 | Video;
[ Yen knows she could easily just lay silent in this random empty apartment (thanks for that, doors) for days and not raise any suspicion, but after a sense of being... "alone," for "so long," she feels a need for companionship. ]

[ She is holding the communicator as she lays in bed, face sunk sideways against a pillow. She is wearing normal clothing, like she fell into bed and hasn't moved. Because she hasn't. And she doesn't look or sound as she usually does—very subdued, even as she pushes a smile on her face. ]

So, eh...

Is anyone awake? I'm-

[ The half-there smile fades entirely, leaving her confused and unsure. ]

I'm not even certain what I need right now. Sorry for the peculiarity.

-
((OOC: Yen has been canon updated! This Warrior of Light now has memories of the main scenario of 3.0, Heavensward.))

(Post a new comment)

video;

believable
2015-12-06 09:32 pm UTC (link)

[ it's the half-there smile that does it.

elena's found herself smiling just like that in the past. she isn't unfamiliar with the sentiment, caught between longing and a need for privacy. she is reserved and social, all at once; somehow. but lately, she's been more the former than the latter, still trying to process the fact she's here at all. and so, despite the fact elena is probably a stranger to yen, she smiles sympathetically. ] Can't sleep, either?

(Reply to this) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-06 10:26 pm UTC (link)

[ Yen feels relief when someone answers, and she doesn't think much about hiding it or disguising it. It's a small indulgence, but still one nonetheless. ]

[ Stranger or not, Yen accepts the response gladly. ]

Little and less these days. [ "These days"... Yen squints thoughtfully about her own statement. ] I can't blame my odd schedule for it, either.

What keeps you up, milady?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

believable
2015-12-06 11:12 pm UTC (link)

[ the 'milady' makes elena smile a bit wider, more in earnest. it's the kind of formality she isn't used to. she may not be at her best, following the end of the world, but she wants to get to know her fellow inmates. it's what she'd do in any other situation. ]

It's okay if you call me Elena.

[ as for why she's up - ]

I can't be sure of it myself. I just got here, so I think I'm still getting used to the whole underwater prison thing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-06 11:24 pm UTC (link)

Ah. Understandable. [ Yen pushes another small smile onto her face. It more manages to be polite than happy, but it's something. ] If you find yourself in need of anything done 'round here, I'm your woman. No task too small or grand.

—I'm Yen. [ She sighs and runs her free hand through her hair, and then scratches behind her long feline ears. ] And I'm not typically this morose, though I suppose you can only take my word for it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

believable
2015-12-06 11:40 pm UTC (link)

[ the offer strikes her as thoughtful, and elena will certainly be keeping it in mind. ]

It's okay to have those moments; everybody does. [ in elena's mind, it's more important that yen allow herself the moroseness, as opposed to not acknowledging it's there; slightly hypocritical, considering elena's penchant for pushing things aside when she doesn't want to deal with them, but. ] It doesn't take away from who you are in general. It's just life.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-07 12:03 am UTC (link)

[ Yen listens, though she fidgets and licks at some imaginary food on her front teeth as she puts a small delay on actually responding. ]

Perhaps so. I wouldn't begrudge anyone their sorrow, after all.

[ There is an implied "but" in her tone. Yen hardly sees herself as having the same graces of imperfection that normal folks are allowed. She asks, genuine but abrupt, without trying to use it as a counter-argument: ]

Has anyone ever died to protect you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

believable
2015-12-07 12:28 am UTC (link)

[ the question reaches elena like a gunshot, loudly. it reverberates in her ears long after yen has stopped speaking. a thick and heavy emotion fills her chest, sticks to its walls along with guilt and remembrance, and it is with fragile steadiness that she tugs in a breath. her expression has shifted, from kindness to grievous understanding. ]

Yes.

[ too many, is the more accurate answer. there have probably been more instances that elena is not aware of; she hasn't been home in a very long time, after all. but people have died to protect her, yes. she is the doppelganger. the one who must be protected. the one who brings death to your doorstep whether she wants to or not.

the answer is simple, but sobering. she is now invested in the answer, in knowing where yen is going with this line of questioning. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-07 12:51 am UTC (link)

[ Yen's breath hitches to mirror Elena's own, though she flinches with pain—for Elena and for herself—before her features settle into something hardened by that same suffering of loss. ]

I'm truly sorry.

—I lead a life of danger, before I was brought here. At first, it was the loss of comrades-in-arms. Yet as time marched on, the losses suffered in my name became closer and closer to the heart...

[ Yen trails off, and closes her eyes. She takes a slow breath, an attempt at rallying herself to force back the swell of emotion. She'd known to expect one particular friend's death, as he'd told her during his brief time in Marina. ]

[ But there were new friends she'd never known until the memories washed over her today. They were gone, too. The simultaneous strike of love and friendship gained, and then lost in her name, was nearly too much to bear. ]

[ At least there was some good: that she is still human enough to feel these things. ]

[ Yen speaks again, before the pause became too long. ]

No, "sorry" isn't adequate at all, is it? I shall say instead... I understand, and I would not wish this on anyone.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

believable
2015-12-10 09:26 pm UTC (link)

I'm sorry, too.

[ elena says it the same way yen does - the words carry meaning. they aren't dispensed for lack of anything else to say, or to fill the void with pleasantries. it's a weighted understanding she doesn't shake off, and the more yen speaks, the more elena listens. maybe it'll help to just talk about it. nothing ever truly alleviates the heaviness, but sometimes saying the words instead of bottling them in - it helps.

sometimes you can't protect people from their pain; you can only protect them from their loneliness. ]

Whether it's adequate or not. I'm sorry for your losses, too.

[ and of course, she understands. the smile that comes now is bittersweet. it isn't brought forth by joy, simply that understanding that now rests in between them. ]

Does talking about it help?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-11 04:26 am UTC (link)

Eh. [It's more of the beginning of a thought than a solitary noise, but it does hang as she considers whether or not it helps her.]

I've... never truly talked about it with anyone. I've always feared that it would make things worse.

[She was already feeling the creep of guilt setting onto her, even though she was talking to someone whom she knew understood. It felt so shameful for anyone to die for her. She was supposed to be a hero. She was supposed to help people.]

What of you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

believable
2015-12-14 07:10 pm UTC (link)

[ elena's lips part when the question is volleyed back at her. for some reason, she wasn't expecting it. elena is fiercely guarded with some of her thoughts and motivations; she'd like to think it is so the people she loves won't worry about her. she'd rather bring the conversations back around to how they are feeling.

at the same time, it's just part of elena's nature. reserved, and somehow sociable. ]

I'm not sure. Some things are harder to talk about than others, especially if you don't understand them well yourself.

[ if you can't wrap your head around them, if you can't accept them - how can you expect anyone else to? ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-28 01:58 am UTC (link)

[Yen shifts her head, nuzzling the pillow thoughtfully.]

That's fair, I think. I've taken that approach to other matters in my life, after all.

[Even as talkative as Yen can be, she knows better than to make an ass of herself when there's something she doesn't really understand.]

[Well. Sometimes, anyway.]

[Yen closes her eyes.]

I think- it will be harder here than I expected. Lives were given for me to fulfill my purpose, to defend in some way our realm. Yet, here— What am I good for, but menial tasks? I fear that I'm wasting their lives, and there's little and less to be done about it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

believable
2015-12-31 08:05 pm UTC (link)

[ elena can understand that.

if yen was meant for a greater purpose in life, it's understandable that she feels adrift here in marina, where everything is at the tip of their hands. it may just be to lull them into a false sense of security, but it exists nonetheless. ]

Maybe you can find a different purpose while you're here. It may not be the same, but - I think purpose can be whatever we make of it. [ there's the defense force. elena hasn't joined it, but she shares its sentiments. ] Sometimes helping someone out when they need it can be a small, but really big, thing.

[ even if it doesn't compare to the purpose in her home world. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	video; candothat 2015-12-07 02:43 am UTC (link)
	[This is not Yen-like... or maybe it's too Yen-like. It's clear enough that her "normal" personality is, at least in part, feigned. Whatever's up, Chekov is awake—fully dressed as well, although that's by design—and he can provide an ear.] Do you have a reason for being awake, Yen? (Reply to this) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-07 02:59 am UTC (link)

[Yen wants to quip about being from a nocturnal clan, but she doesn't seem to have the spirit for it. And, well, she's always bad at maintaining a natural sleeping schedule anyway, so the "joke" would be lost.]

[In a way, though, Chekov being one to answer leaves her feeling more exposed than she'd rather intended to feel. There's a great desire to pull herself back together and smile and laugh for him, but all she can manage is a lop-sided, humorless grin.]

Unfortunately.

Do you?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2015-12-07 03:08 am UTC (link)
	I would listen to that reason. [Or not. There's an unspoken invitation to not talk about anything at all.] Oh, yes. I'm building an electromagnetic pulse emitter, and maybe I'll go for a run. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-07 03:18 am UTC (link)

[She pulls her mouth back further, and succeeds not in smiling, but it's clear she's trying.]

I understood but half of that.

[Yen's gaze slips away from looking directly into the video, as though she were suddenly preoccupied with the thread count of her pillow. She debates telling him—honesty is a door that can't be closed once you've opened it. Not properly, anyway.]

[She sighs.]

I've been-... I requested some memories that I learned I was lacking. They proved worse than I had expected.

[Her words are slow and careful, as she labors to even just get her feet wet. She would wonder why it should feel so difficult, but she knows. She fears it more so now, yet she craves the closeness... even as she is starting to worry that befriending the Warrior of Light is a death sentence.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

candothat
2015-12-07 04:10 am UTC (link)

The important half, probably.

[He's not really trying to introduce levity into the conversation. There's clearly something weighing heavily on Yen's mind; now isn't the time.]

Memories of home? [Delicate prompting. Most of the friends Chekov has had (and subsequently lost) were haunted by something or other. Acting uninterested made them withdraw, acting too interested scared them away.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-07 04:40 am UTC (link)

[She sighs as he fails to take the very poorly-placed and half-hearted bait, and instead does not get distracted. Not that she has any delusion that she would be able to keep up with her usual attitude for long, even if he did.]

[Instead, Yen closes her eyes. It's easier to say it without looking at him.]

Yes, of home.

It was not all bad, truly. But our gains were paid for with so much loss. [Her voice cracks and trails off, and she squeezes the comforter with her free hand.] Feeling and remembering it all at once- it's hard to bear.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2015-12-09 07:20 am UTC (link)
	[There is no bait that would be sufficiently distracting at this juncture. Yen cannot escape Chekov's complete attention.] [He wants to hold her hand or give her a hug or something, but distance rules out his go-to responses to friends struggling with emotional turmoil.] Is there anything that would make it easier? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	takenblack 2015-12-10 04:29 am UTC (link)
	[She bites her lip. It's such an infantile thing, in her view, but it's by and large the most honest response she could possibly give to such a question.] Not being alone, mayhaps. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

candothat
2015-12-10 06:29 am UTC (link)

[He's all visible concern and eagerness to be of some use, the half-assembled explosively pumped flux compression generator—not that Yen would be able to tell that that's what it intends to be eventually—on the table just in view entirely forgotten.]

I can help with that. [Too much eagerness? He tries to summon an air of nonchalance with absolutely no success.] I was going to go for a run. If I happen to be near to where you are, would you mind company?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

takenblack
2015-12-10 03:00 pm UTC (link)

[ She blinks at the eagerness, and then closes her eyes and forces a smile. It shouldn't surprise her, but it still does. So few people ever thought of the Warrior of Light as needing companionship like this. It was a refreshing feeling, after months of remembered hardship. ]

I wouldn't mind at all.

[ Yen sits up and then gives him her home address—that is, at least, enough of a motivator to actually go home and to not lay around in a random location. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

candothat
2015-12-11 05:53 am UTC (link)

[Everyone needs companionship sometimes, regardless of rank or title, and Chekov is happy to provide that. In prison universes where his innate mathematical talents and his store of scientific knowledge seldom prove useful, he's constantly looking for other ways to contribute.

And, of course, he rather likes Yen.

He makes his way to the address that Yen gave him in short order (with, miraculously, no opening-things-related mishaps) and raps quietly on the door, hoping that she's there. She could very well have opened a cupboard and found herself on the other side of the dome.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	takenblack 2015-12-11 05:57 am UTC (link)
	[She, in fact, fell out of a cupboard in a neighbor's apartment. Still, close enough—at least she didn't end up in the stables again.] [Which means that instead of answering the door, Yen taps on his shoulder.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)