[That hits a lot harder than bringing up an ex. Oh, she's plenty emotional about them, but that pain has been resting close to the surface for a long time now. It also means that sometimes when she acts out it has more to do with that than the actual stimuli. Not the greatest place to be. It's why she's trying to loosen up tonight, but it seems like she kind of forgot how. Or maybe she just never really knew.
She picks up her drink and looks at it as if they're having some kind of silent conversation as she tries to decide what counts as someone she had to kill versus someone she didn't.
Was it enough that she never killed for fun or recklessly? She killed to survive and to help others survive. But there were times she could have just wounded people. Was that better to leave them beaten and bleeding so they could die slowly without care once they'd fallen to the fittest? Or they could heal and come back stronger and do more damage that she could have stopped.
In the end she raises the glass to her lips because even though she only took lives she felt she had to take she still wished she hadn't needed to.] It's a party now.