[She feels like she's having to defend it. And maybe she should. Maybe she could. To almost anyone else. Any other time. But she hasn't been eating well and barely sleeping. She's frayed at every edge and she doesn't have the defenses to keep herself going like she used to.]
So, [starting softly] about a minute ago I got yelled at for letting Ianto die at all. Yesterday, I had to walk around all day in techno-organic flesh like Piotr did. Before that I was ready to kill again when I told myself I could find other ways here. Better ways. I could be better. I stood in a room covered in a friend's blood murdered by someone I didn't even feel like I recognized anymore.
And for the last week I've been putting every minute I had into trying to work out how to stop Tyki because every minute I spent on anything else turned into thinking about you and it hurts. Every minute hurts and I miss you and I worry about you and I love you and I need you and I'm angry at you. I'm tried and sad and lonely and I don't always know what to do.
[Voice cracking.] You were my best friend. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. [Did she ever tell him that? She told Ianto once after Reid broke up with her.]