goddamn italics fail
First time, theirs... every time after, mine... It goes something like that, doesn't it. [A saying, she thinks. Either way it's not worded as a question since it's not up for debate in her mind, so she simply shakes her head with her expression devoid of any levity that his has, instead covered with a deep preoccupation that seems to look past who's in front of her right now, even as she keeps up an assault while there's the chance to; each strike with a growing strength behind it as her words also come out with force. Though he's the one she's aiming for physically, her thoughts are set on completely different targets]
I just don't know how to make any part of it work out: no matter how I try to understand people better to keep from repeating this mistake, I always do. I can't forget or change how important they still feel to me even after the fact. I never had to bother with forgiveness or fixing it before since I had to kill Van and Legretta anyways, but now I have to find a way to somehow.
[She realizes as an afterthought how horrible that must sound without context, but it's the truth nonetheless. Forgiveness is of no use to a corpse, and as her brother and teacher had no intention of fixing or stopping themselves in the first place, they felt no need for it. But what to do about those who maybe have that need? She knows the process for the offender to regain what was lost, but when it comes to moving past being the one betrayed, making it okay to think about it without hurting? She's at a loss]