[ And a similar flutter of guilt in her. She has a boyfriend, one she loves very much but it's a boyfriend that isn't here — may never be here — and kissing was nice. Touching was nice. Kissing him was nice and right now she feels like the actual worst for even entertaining the idea of kissing him again.
Much better to focus on the grim topic of her narrowly escaped demise. ]
I never wanted to be dead in the first place, if that's what you mean. It would've been fine if he'd made me... un-alive again though. I mean, I'm happy that he didn't but... I was ready for it.