InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "everyone please go outside"

Aidan J. Reilly (redclayheroics) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-09-19 22:09:00

Entry tags:

:mingle, aidan reilly, euphemia li britannia, helix wamtani, richie foley, seven of nine

237 — PTSD group therapy
[ Trouble sleeping at night? Are you re-experiencing a traumatic event through nightmares or flashbacks? Are you avoiding certain situations or triggers? Have your beliefs and feelings changed in response to the event? Do you feel differently about yourself or the ones around you? Are you experiencing increased guilt, shame, or fear? A lack of interest for activities you used to enjoy? Are you feeling jittery or hyperaware of potential danger? Depressed? Anxious? Feelings of hopelessness? Are you drinking more than usual?

Welcome to the Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome Support Group.

The group is gathered down at the beach. There are baskets set up with cold beverages and delicious picnic type snacks, along with a circle of beanbags for that intimate, trusting feeling. In the middle there's another basket with informational pamphlets and a list of assignments that the participants are encouraged to answer. ]

• When was the last time you had a full nights sleep?
• Do you avoid certain situations? Certain topics of conversation? Why?
• Do you feel stressed? Guilty?
• Do you find situations more threatening than you used to do?
• Have you had a change in interests lately?

((OOC: Feel free to use the questions as a jump-off point or come up with topics of your own! THIS is a good site for information about PTSD and the treatment thereof. ]

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	friendly_fire 2013-10-28 12:20 am UTC (link)
	Aidan... [What do you say to something like that? Something so profoundly sad, made all the sadder because of how much you care for the person saying it. You say nothing. Instead, you get close enough to wrap your arms around them and just hold on, so they can either do the same or fall apart if it's better.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sorry not sorry

redclayheroics
2013-10-28 06:17 am UTC (link)

[ He wishes he could fall apart. So much so that you could call it a burning desperation but as much as he's tried to just let go and be consumed by it for a moment, it's getting harder and harder to reach that point. Before he met Helix, Aidan had an easy time crying. It was never anything shameful, even for a boy like himself and if he ever felt sad or angry he'd have a good cry and move on. These days, it's like something is broken in him. There've been times of course, extreme situations but not nearly enough to ease the pressure and the more it builds, the harder it gets.

He can close his eyes and try to relax and all he gets is the memory-sensation of brain substance and warm blood sticking to his face. Soaking into his clothes. Jethro's razor-blade smile, the heavy weight of a gun in his hand and the tremble as he pulled the trigger, once, twice, three times... the acidic burn of an oil fire in his lungs and the criss-cross pattern of scratches over his stomach from a broken window. Sore wrists and an even sorer throat. The heavy knowledge that people died because of him, person upon person upon person, friends and strangers until there's a whole pile of dead bodies weighing on his heart.

He tries to think of his mom and dad and all he gets is the ache of time separating them. It's been years and it's no ones fault but his own and he wishes that there is a clone of him back home and that his double is smart enough to get out and go back before it's too late. Failing that, he wishes that they'll get some word that he's okay and failing that, a message that he's not. He closes his eyes and it's all thick, red mud, clumping on his borrowed boots, dripping off the dingy table, oozing out of squirming muscle and splintered bone. Knowing that he's helping in some way eased the initial shock of being so hands-on with death but that faded all too quickly, replaced by a desensitisation he'd normally expect during the Crimson Eve slaughter but this is no pig, this is a man that was telling jokes just the other night, a man that showed him the ropes around the sad excuse of a kitchen or a man that taught him the trick to purifying water so he wouldn't die in agony like all the other boys they roped in to this crazy crusade.

He thinks all of this, mind like a swarming nest of hornets and yet he can't make himself break. Too far gone but not far enough. Alcohol numbs the pain and sometimes hugs do too, until that feeling of being sullied and broken and not worthy creeps up.

Semi-mechanically, Aidan wraps his arms around the girl, giving her shoulders a reassuring squeeze. He's fine. He's okay. He can buy into his own lies just for one more day. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Never be sorry!

friendly_fire
2013-11-04 12:01 pm UTC (link)

[She squeezes in return. You know she's stronger than she looks. After all, she can handle a mighty big gun with some tremendous kickback. It helps to have a very protective older sister who is concerned with your physical training along with your education. Not that it's something Euphie was ever very interested in except when it came to playing games. Running. Hand stands. Climbing trees. ~~Jumping out of windows.~~

Of course that's just physically. She tries to be strong in other ways. She has a lot to live up to with her successful relatives as her guideposts, but her goals were never power or glory or revenge. They were simpler and maybe all the more unattainable—creating a safe place where the people she loved could be happy.

She can't try again in her world, so she tries again here and Aidan is very much someone she wants to see safe and happy.]

I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you did. I don't.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2013-11-04 03:29 pm UTC (link)
	I know. [ He swallows, more to clear his throat than to keep himself from crying. ] I know you guys don't mind... but I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-11-07 05:24 pm UTC (link)
	...Can I ask why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2013-11-07 07:08 pm UTC (link)
	It just don't feel right. My problems... they ain't nothin' compared to what others go through every day. I know how good I got it, I ain't got a right to complain. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-11-08 10:41 pm UTC (link)
	I think that sort of thing too. [This wouldn't have been said without the urging in the food.] Others go through so much. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2013-11-09 05:25 pm UTC (link)
	Right? I mean, I can't sit here an' gripe about not bein' able to sleep when I got people around me that... Well. You know. [ Maybe she doesn't know, but he's not about to spill Helix's personal demons all over the place without good cause. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-11-10 12:54 am UTC (link)
	[She has no idea what sort of demons Helix faces, but she has seen the worst parts of Area 11 if only briefly and she watched a young Lelouch and shattered Nunnally get banished after the death of their mother. It isn't hard to know people raised in castles may not have it as hard as others.] You can always tell me if you like. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2013-11-10 05:12 am UTC (link)
	Heh. [ He brushes a hand back through his hair in discomfort, mainly because he doesn't feel like evading the invite this time. Odd, that. ] I don't even know where to start. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-11-17 08:53 pm UTC (link)
	You could try the beginning. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2013-11-18 04:01 pm UTC (link)
	An' where's that, y'reckon? [ When he lost Helix? When he met Helix? When he moved into the city? ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-11-27 04:51 am UTC (link)
	I guess if it was me I would talk about the first time life started feeling difficult and complicated. [When Lelouch and Nunnally's mother died.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2013-11-27 08:42 pm UTC (link)
	Huh... alright. I guess that would be... [ Hmn. ] ...when I first met Helix. Before that, things were kinda simple. Not so much since then. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-12-16 06:47 pm UTC (link)
	Because of Helix or just the way things went after that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2013-12-17 08:08 pm UTC (link)
	[ There's a stretch of hesitation. Normally he'd say it's because of what happened after, no problem but there's too much truth drugs in these treats and so he surprises himself with the truth. ] ...Because of Helix, I guess. I mean, not just him but... he ain't easy to deal with. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-12-30 04:09 am UTC (link)
	He is...strong willed I suppose. There was trouble? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

redclayheroics
2013-12-30 03:04 pm UTC (link)

Well, uh... I don't know 'bout trouble. He wasn't so keen on me wantin' to be friends with him, at first. Real stubborn, thought I'd get hurt or killed or somethin'... bit late for that, after Jethro put me on his shit list. I don't know if that was all there was too it, kinda think it wasn't but...

[ He shifts, uneasily. Truth drugs are strong tho. ] Did you know he tried t' kill me once? Nearly broke my neck.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

friendly_fire
2013-12-30 03:14 pm UTC (link)

[Her eyes widen in surprise of the act, but more so in concern for Aidan. There's something about attempted and actual murder that she so quickly and deftly places at the far corners of her mind, trying not to dwell on it or let it sour her opinion of people. The same thing happened when she learned it was Lelouch who had killed their brother Clovis. So quick to make excuses and empathize where she can.] Helix? But why?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

redclayheroics
2013-12-30 05:19 pm UTC (link)

I, uh... I kind of told him to? I mean, I didn't tell 'im to kill me but, uh...

He brought me along and then told me he didn't want me anywhere near him... as a friend, I mean. No funny business. So I told him that it was too late for all that and that if he didn't want me by his side, he'd have to kill me. So he tried.

[ He's said this out loud a few times by now and each time he realizes a little more how fucked up all that was. At the same time, that's kind of what life with Helix is. Unpredictable. Anxious. Waiting for a blindsided blow for something he never did. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2013-12-31 08:47 pm UTC (link)
	...He was serious? He would have done it if he could have? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2014-01-01 08:58 pm UTC (link)
	Pretty sure, yeah. I mean, he was kinda, uh... a killer back home. Sort of a hitman, I guess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2014-01-01 09:37 pm UTC (link)
	Why? [She wants reasons and justifications and she may just make them up if they aren't offered.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	redclayheroics 2014-01-02 04:48 pm UTC (link)
	Cause that's what Jethro wanted him to do. [ A beat, as if he doesn't really want to say what he's about to say. ] And... I think he liked it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	friendly_fire 2014-01-03 04:52 pm UTC (link)
	...That's a terrible thing to think. [She's not admonishing Aidan though it may sound that way. It's just the most honest thing she can say in reply and honesty is compulsory now.] He doesn't want to continue, does he? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)