[ oh. ouch. for a moment, helen sits there, stunned at what she's hearing. that hadn't been what she was going for, but it is, in essence, what she'd said. she'd meant that it was far too difficult for her to lose people over and over, but from the way buffy is speaking -- and assuming the tv show of the same name goes the way this young girl's life did -- then she would understand.
sort of. it's complicated for helen, but this conversation is making her realize something she's never before allowed herself to think of: she's being selfish. incredibly selfish, if she's to think about it. pushing people away for her own good without thought to how they might feel. she did it to james, has done it to countless others before their relationship got anywhere near what she wants, what she had with james once and now has with jean-luc.
she pauses, her eyes wide, for a moment before she sneaks a glance towards a man across the room, jean-luc picard. what would he think of all this? is he even listening to them? can he hear the track their conversation is taking? does he actually want more with her or will that kiss they shared a few days ago be the farthest things go with them?
she isn't aware that she's still watching him when she answers, her expression sorrowful and voice soft. ]
That wasn't exactly what I meant, but I can see your point. [ and because she's had far too much tea here, she adds: ] It isn't that he deserves better than I can give, though that is true as well... I suppose it's that I'm afraid.