InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "it's too late to apologize"

Dave Strider (occupylohac) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-06-15 16:47:00

Entry tags:

aradia megido, bro strider, dave strider, dirk strider, helix wamtani, jake english, lelouch vi britannia

audio; evening of day 223
[ well, shit.

he's been here for nearly a full day now without saying anything. and you know what? he's tempted to keep it that way. but eventually, he's going to have to say something - gotta make his presence known. gotta enlighten the masses. ~~gotta post within a week of being accepted.~~ what? a third reason? there is no third reason. dave strider works entirely within the framework of double parallelisms. he's just that kind of guy.

and so, for entirely non-meta reasons, dave strider clicks on the audio feed, clears his throat, and begins his speech. ]

Well, shit. Looks like it finally happened. No real surprise here, right? The RIAA always needs new victims – they're corporate bloodsuckers, and they've got to find cattle somewhere. I mean, fuck, they're literally the man. The men? Shit, is the man really a collective noun here? That's fucked up, yo.

[ is he getting off track? maybe. will that stop him? NO SIRREE. ]

Anyway, so. We've got a bunch of suits sitting at a table Dr. Strangelove style, discussing who to sue next, right? And they're like, how about this rad dude, all pointing at an IP address on the holoscreen, since he's just too cool for us to handle any longer. And a few of the guys in the back, Connors and Jenkins - fuckin' Jenkins, man, just started here last week, doesn't really have his bearings yet - have the balls to ask well, what exactly makes him special? And see, here's the thing - he really is a fucking menace. Dude downloads like an LP a week. He got himself a free copy of Photoshop, without even paying for a student license. And you know what the worst part is? He keeps his seeder ratio above one point five.

[ he has the audacity to give a vaguely apathetic gasp. ]

What, one point five? You're fucking with me, right? Nope - dude's just a fucking paragon of shitty internet pirates.

[ ...he clears his throat. this got out of hand quickly. ]

...anyway, that's basically how I got thrown in fucking underwater prison for piracy and goddamn cyberbullying. Take notes here, kids. Don't make the same mistakes I did - drink your milk, don't do drugs, stay in school and all that shit.

[ ... ]

Oh, and try to avoid multiple counts of genocide if you can. I mean, that kind of takes a backseat to forging a digital signature on porn site splash pages, but its gotta count for something, right? Right. I'm out.

[ click! ]

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occupylohac
2013-06-29 05:38 am UTC (link)

Ahahahaha, holy shit, I always figured it was the asses-

[ you may not be too far up the god-tiers yet, but you've managed to last this long in a stupidly inflated rpg. you have long since passed the early grind, and what's more, your naturally high AGI has just fucking skyrocketed since you started powerleveling. we're talking "detonation-powered acrobatics through the sky, trailing goddamn fireworks behind you as bald eagles cry in the background" skyrocketing.

america.

anyway, it's only because of that stupid-high agility that you manage to knock yourself out of your ironic patriotism reverie in the first place. both hands go for the catch - as always - and like you used to about half the time, you manage to catch the infernal thing. but it's those levels, those massive echeladders you've fought your way up, that let you parry lil' cal with the very weapon meant to harm you. ass meets gold fronts in the most epic clash of plush swords seen since the Great Boffing Disaster of 1983.

the dust clears, and you realize you are solidly holding on to plush nosewang.

ewwwwwwwww ]

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proboscalypse
2013-06-29 06:30 am UTC (link)

[hold up. is there a problem with the nosewang on that smuppet, dave? because Bro made sure to sew in the waterproof liner and reenforced the stitching, like he does with every damn one of his precious creations. the foam is packed into it by weight--exact same amount for every one, took years of calculations to figure that out. they are of the highest quality, dave. individually inspected and approved by the big man himself.

and depending on how tight you are holding it, the proboscis will sing its sweet siren song. *squeeeeaaaak*

bro does the potentially unthinkable and disengages from the strife, setting Cal up on his shoulders to gently pop dave on the head with his own gloved hand, not cal's, and give his hair the lightest of possibly affectionate ruffles.]

Been a long ass while, little bro.

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occupylohac
2013-07-08 06:21 am UTC (link)

[ what? no! no way, man. dave is just fine with the fact that he's holding onto the puppet-proboscis analogue of a dick. he has long since come to terms with that. he is more than comfortable with this great big stonker-schlong in his hands. in fact, he's just going to grip it even MORE tightly now, and he's not even going to wince at that strangled little gasp it makes.

and then he visibly flinches at the noogie, reaching up to bop that smuppet repeatedly at the offending hand.

thanks, bro. ]

Dude, seriously? I thought we were past noogies. I mean, I guess at this point they're probably retro, so fair game and all, but -

[ ah, fuck it. ]

Yeah, uh. Guess it has.

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	proboscalypse 2013-07-08 06:38 am UTC (link)
	Your hair is like the fuckin' softest of pony manes, kid. This ain't no noogie, this is some serious petting zoo quality strokin'. S' gotten long too. You look like a chick. [ruffling complete. the hand is retracted.] You managed to avoid takin' an ass straight to the face. [He says it sort of...like a compliment?] (Reply to this) (Parent)

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