InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Kura, stop refreshing."

Dave Strider (occupylohac) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-06-15 16:47:00

Entry tags:

aradia megido, bro strider, dave strider, dirk strider, helix wamtani, jake english, lelouch vi britannia

audio; evening of day 223
[ well, shit.

he's been here for nearly a full day now without saying anything. and you know what? he's tempted to keep it that way. but eventually, he's going to have to say something - gotta make his presence known. gotta enlighten the masses. ~~gotta post within a week of being accepted.~~ what? a third reason? there is no third reason. dave strider works entirely within the framework of double parallelisms. he's just that kind of guy.

and so, for entirely non-meta reasons, dave strider clicks on the audio feed, clears his throat, and begins his speech. ]

Well, shit. Looks like it finally happened. No real surprise here, right? The RIAA always needs new victims – they're corporate bloodsuckers, and they've got to find cattle somewhere. I mean, fuck, they're literally the man. The men? Shit, is the man really a collective noun here? That's fucked up, yo.

[ is he getting off track? maybe. will that stop him? NO SIRREE. ]

Anyway, so. We've got a bunch of suits sitting at a table Dr. Strangelove style, discussing who to sue next, right? And they're like, how about this rad dude, all pointing at an IP address on the holoscreen, since he's just too cool for us to handle any longer. And a few of the guys in the back, Connors and Jenkins - fuckin' Jenkins, man, just started here last week, doesn't really have his bearings yet - have the balls to ask well, what exactly makes him special? And see, here's the thing - he really is a fucking menace. Dude downloads like an LP a week. He got himself a free copy of Photoshop, without even paying for a student license. And you know what the worst part is? He keeps his seeder ratio above one point five.

[ he has the audacity to give a vaguely apathetic gasp. ]

What, one point five? You're fucking with me, right? Nope - dude's just a fucking paragon of shitty internet pirates.

[ ...he clears his throat. this got out of hand quickly. ]

...anyway, that's basically how I got thrown in fucking underwater prison for piracy and goddamn cyberbullying. Take notes here, kids. Don't make the same mistakes I did - drink your milk, don't do drugs, stay in school and all that shit.

[ ... ]

Oh, and try to avoid multiple counts of genocide if you can. I mean, that kind of takes a backseat to forging a digital signature on porn site splash pages, but its gotta count for something, right? Right. I'm out.

[ click! ]

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	is he already here occupylohac 2013-06-19 09:57 pm UTC (link)
	Look, kid, let's do it like this. You got a favorite restaurant around here? We'll meet up there, face to face. Hell, I'll give you an autograph. At that point, if you still don't believe me, there's jack shit I can do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	you did not just go there omfg skulltop 2013-06-20 10:28 pm UTC (link)
	Right-o!! Meet me at the pizza joint near [location], buddy!! They've got a great selection of toppings, let me tell you. Including nachos! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	occupylohac 2013-06-20 10:49 pm UTC (link)
	Sounds like a plan. [ guess who has two thumbs and isn't going to even remotely bother to head to the pizza place? this guy. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	skulltop 2013-06-20 11:03 pm UTC (link)
	[RUDE. JAKE ORDERED ONLY THE BEST PIZZAS, TOO.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	occupylohac 2013-06-20 11:06 pm UTC (link)
	[ meanwhile, dave is eating a warm-up burrito he found in some approximation of a convenience store. man, this is the life. (even if this burrito is trying way too hard - he's had vegan friendly shit before, but damn.) how's that pizza jake ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-21 01:46 am UTC (link)
	So, uh, Jake's kind of a dork, but I'm gonna have to tell you not to do that to him again. [ Sup, he went to spy on your date, and wound up taking your place when you didn't show. It's now about an hour later. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-21 01:51 am UTC (link)
	Whoa, you know Sir English over there? Shit, what a small world. [ ... ] No worries. Wouldn't be as funny after the first time anyway. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-21 01:53 am UTC (link)
	Good. He's kind of thick, ain't no damn challenge to screw with his head. [ And screwing with his head is Dirk's job. ] Besides, a proper pirate keeps his grubby hands off another man's booty. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-21 08:19 am UTC (link)
	Always thought of myself as more of the ninja type. But hey, I've probably got some dumbass bushido code of honor somewhere - I'll try to leave his chest of wonders unplundered. No homo. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

voice, private

smuppeteer
2013-06-21 08:23 am UTC (link)

I was harkening back to your crimes list, but glad to hear you're on the right side of that eternal debate.

... [ Huh. Dirk is usually not bothered by outdated morals regarding gender combinations in relationships, but there's something about that statement, coming from Dave. Even if it's not his actual bro. Even if his actual bro was the one responsible for the relationship blossoming in the first place.

Crap. Get it together, Dirk. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

voice, private

occupylohac
2013-06-21 08:28 am UTC (link)

[ oh my god. dirk's explaining the joke to him. this is rapidly approaching levels of irony dave just can't keep up with here. like- holy shit. he'd caught it first, and dirk knows that, and he knows dirk knows that, so by explaining the joke, that means the only real response is- ]

Yeah, I figured. Just got to make sure you know where my allegiances lie, get what I'm saying?

[ and if his voice is a little shaken, he's doing very well at not letting it shine through. goddamn, this is just as unnerving as it always was. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-21 08:31 am UTC (link)
	[ Wait no Dave got the joke? Shit. Dirk wasn't sure-- Crap. He is so off his game right now. Shit shit shit. ] Yeah, no, I got that. You gotta take the steamroller of clarification to the streets of ambiguity and make sure none of that shit remains. ...how's your flash-step? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

voice, private

occupylohac
2013-06-21 08:44 am UTC (link)

Goddamn, man, we gonna pave these streets tonight. Laying down a thick coating of lucidity just wasn't enough - we got to flatten that shit down for the masses, lay on explanation after explanation until people second-guess themselves again.

[ shit, he's letting himself get sidetracked again. back to the matter at hand. ]

It's alright, I guess. You know. No big. Used to be able to do some pretty cool shit with it and time travel, but it looks like that's not a thing anymore.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-21 09:02 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, figured the wardens wouldn't allow time travel to be a thing in here. It'd make it too easy to fuck 'em up. So you're your session's time player? Knight of Time, right? [ Sorry, Dave, he already knows spoilers. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-29 06:00 am UTC (link)
	Guess so. Still kinda sucks. [ goddamn, who spoiled this guy? here he is, wondering what the fuck his ex-kinda-parents are gonna be, and dirk's just spouting trivia about him left and right. ] Uh, yeah. Sounds about right. [ how to ask this... ] And you're like, Dude of Bros or something, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-29 06:05 am UTC (link)
	[ Dirk has his sources. Dirk loves his sources. ] Yeah, basically. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-29 06:09 am UTC (link)
	Alright, cool. Glad to know I got that one on the first try. I mean, I guess it's kind of obvious in retrospect. [ GODDAMMIT MAN THROW HIM A BONE HERE. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-29 06:12 am UTC (link)
	Prince of Heart, actually. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-29 06:14 am UTC (link)
	Wow, shit. That's actually about as close I could have gotten, huh. [ ...wait. hasn't there been a prince already? he vaguely recalls hearing kanaya muttering about this to rose during one of his many, many "coffee" breaks. ] So, uh - you break hearts or something? Are we talking some Ma-ti shit here, or... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-29 06:17 am UTC (link)
	Something like that? Makes me sound like a cartoonish supervillain if you ask me. Of course, we ain't even entered the game yet so whatever sweet powers I'm supposed to have haven't manifested yet. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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