InsaneJournal

Tweak says, ""I have many skills.""

Dave Strider (occupylohac) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-06-15 16:47:00

Entry tags:

aradia megido, bro strider, dave strider, dirk strider, helix wamtani, jake english, lelouch vi britannia

audio; evening of day 223
[ well, shit.

he's been here for nearly a full day now without saying anything. and you know what? he's tempted to keep it that way. but eventually, he's going to have to say something - gotta make his presence known. gotta enlighten the masses. ~~gotta post within a week of being accepted.~~ what? a third reason? there is no third reason. dave strider works entirely within the framework of double parallelisms. he's just that kind of guy.

and so, for entirely non-meta reasons, dave strider clicks on the audio feed, clears his throat, and begins his speech. ]

Well, shit. Looks like it finally happened. No real surprise here, right? The RIAA always needs new victims – they're corporate bloodsuckers, and they've got to find cattle somewhere. I mean, fuck, they're literally the man. The men? Shit, is the man really a collective noun here? That's fucked up, yo.

[ is he getting off track? maybe. will that stop him? NO SIRREE. ]

Anyway, so. We've got a bunch of suits sitting at a table Dr. Strangelove style, discussing who to sue next, right? And they're like, how about this rad dude, all pointing at an IP address on the holoscreen, since he's just too cool for us to handle any longer. And a few of the guys in the back, Connors and Jenkins - fuckin' Jenkins, man, just started here last week, doesn't really have his bearings yet - have the balls to ask well, what exactly makes him special? And see, here's the thing - he really is a fucking menace. Dude downloads like an LP a week. He got himself a free copy of Photoshop, without even paying for a student license. And you know what the worst part is? He keeps his seeder ratio above one point five.

[ he has the audacity to give a vaguely apathetic gasp. ]

What, one point five? You're fucking with me, right? Nope - dude's just a fucking paragon of shitty internet pirates.

[ ...he clears his throat. this got out of hand quickly. ]

...anyway, that's basically how I got thrown in fucking underwater prison for piracy and goddamn cyberbullying. Take notes here, kids. Don't make the same mistakes I did - drink your milk, don't do drugs, stay in school and all that shit.

[ ... ]

Oh, and try to avoid multiple counts of genocide if you can. I mean, that kind of takes a backseat to forging a digital signature on porn site splash pages, but its gotta count for something, right? Right. I'm out.

[ click! ]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-16 02:55 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, figured it was a pretty regular thing. Didn't stop any of the newbs, of course. [ ...jesus. where does he even begin with this? ] Thanks. Gotta keep that shit practiced. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 02:59 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. Never know when you'll need it. That shit could save your life one day. Keep it up. [ What... does he do here. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-16 03:27 am UTC (link)
	True that. [ ... ] So, uh. Looks like you've already got a pretty good gist of what's happening, huh. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 03:32 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. They're not here right now because the wardens wound up losing their asses, but John and Jade did a pretty good job explaining the details of the scratch and the ectobiology that created us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-16 08:43 am UTC (link)
	Didn't realize it was that easy to just up and fucking lose someone. We talking like car keys, just left them in the wrong pair of pants or something? [ yeah, there's no way in HIS universe to just up and lose someone. especially jade, or god forbid john. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 08:45 am UTC (link)
	They're pretty fuckin' cagey about how the whole process works. Something to do with their coding stabilizing our presence in this universe. It's pretty fickle, and if I've heard right they've lost more people than not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-18 02:46 am UTC (link)
	Wow, yeah, sounds like bullshit. I'm calling shenanigans over here. [ calling shenanigans? wow, dave, you're really reaching for the irony. not that it's not to be a bit expected - dirk's probably as crazy on-top-of-everything as bro ever was. ] ...any idea what happens to the people that get "lost?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-18 02:48 am UTC (link)
	[ He's not actually as on top of things as he'd like to be, sadly. ] Apparently they're asleep. Not really sure. I've heard some things but ain't seen any of it for myself. I know for sure they haven't been sent back home. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-20 07:32 pm UTC (link)
	Asleep? So, what, do they just make cross-timeline ectoclones and then store them in tubes until they're needed? That's some Matrix shit right there, man. Should call in Keanu Reeves. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-20 08:55 pm UTC (link)
	Damn, I hope not. This is apparently the third generation of inmates, and I refuse to be a player in Revolutions. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-20 11:22 pm UTC (link)
	Damn straight. [ ...and dave falls silent again. he's actually running out of shit to say. you know what? fuck it. they're already stuck in a fucking stepfordian prison, might as well go all out. ] So what are your thoughts on puppets? Important question here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-20 11:26 pm UTC (link)
	Puppets are rad as all hell. I've been putting together some of my own personal model to pass the time. They're called smuppets. You wanna see? [ Dave must like puppets. Right? Older Alt Dave left him Cal, after all... Or so he thought, but Bro has one a Cal too so he must have come from somewhere else. Hm. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-21 08:33 am UTC (link)
	[ dave has been waiting for a time to speak his thoughts for years. he breathes in, scarcely hesitating at all before responding with clear tones- ] You're goddamn right I do. [ FUCK. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

voice, private → video, private

smuppeteer
2013-06-21 08:37 am UTC (link)

[ Aw yeah he's so glad.

Just a quick moment while the video function flips on and the headset focuses not on Dirk, but on a table in his apartment upon which there are three smuppets just hanging out. They're pretty great. ]

So this place is pretty shitty, but it has given me time to work on my design, and materials I didn't have access too back in Sealand, Post-Apocalyptica. What do you think?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-21 08:57 am UTC (link)
	[ it's a good thing dave's still on voice, because video would be showing this right about now. HE HAD ONE CHANCE AND HE BLEW IT FOREVER. ] Not bad, man, not bad. I'm thinking you could go a bit further with the noses, though. [ god, those things sketch him the fuck out. ] I'm taking it you've used only the softest of plush for all that puppet ass? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

voice, private

smuppeteer
2013-06-21 08:59 am UTC (link)

[ WAY TO GO DAVE. Now Dirk thinks you're genuinely interested. ]

Hm, you think? Don't wanna make 'em too long, you know? Ruins the purpose.

Oh, yeah, man. Tried a couple different materials before finding just the right shit to use. In fact, we ever meet up in person I'll give you one of these guys. As a token of cross-timeline brotherly whatever.

[ He never got to show them to his Dave. :( ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-29 06:12 am UTC (link)
	Ruins the purpose? I don't know, man, pretty sure there's still gonna be buyers. [ okay he just vomited a little in his mouth MOVING ON ] Yeah, that sounds pretty ace. I've been suffering a severe smuppet drought in my life for the past year - glad I could count on the doctor to serve up some medicine when it was needed most. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-29 06:20 am UTC (link)
	[ Dave understands his entrepreneur instincts...! Not that Dirk could ever sell them, of course. Which is tragic. ] Aw, man. I gotta pump this shit straight into you intravenously, stat, you've really got to be suffering. [ Why is Dirk being such a loser what has gotten into him oh god why can't he stop ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -