InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I've never meant anything more"

helen magnus, m.d. d.t.c.x.b. (lifelines) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-06-12 18:52:00

Entry tags:

buffy summers, caroline forbes, elena gilbert, helen magnus, helix wamtani, jean-luc picard, martha jones, matt donovan, nikola tesla, rose tyler, sam merlotte, tieria erde, yuuri shibuya

day 223: video;
[ she's actually using the video feature for this post and she's looking... well, what can be seen of her doesn't look great, but neither does it look awful. her arms aren't visible, which is probably for the best, and her cheeks are almost healed. thank goodness for superficial and quickly-healed injuries. either that or she's at just the right angle that it's difficult to see. for those who have run into her lately, she looks almost pleasant and she certainly sounds much better than she did a few days ago. ]

For those who may be interested, Sector 3 now has a medical clinic. It won't replace the hospital, by any means, but I thought, under the circumstances, there might be others like myself who would feel better being cared for by a fellow inmate.

[ at least she knows she'll feel better with it here. ]

I've only received permission to deal with small things, so consider it more of a nurse's station and less a doctor's office. However... [ here she gives a slight pause. this is where things will get interesting. ] I assure you that I am more than capable of handling anything necessary. My experience covers everything from papercuts to burns to complex neurological surgeries and I can take care of any species that walks across the threshold, be it human or something else entirely.

[ she means that, actually. ]

In light of that, I would also like to offer informal lessons. If you'd like to offer assistance or simply want to know more about medicine from the late 1800's to 2011, by all means. I would welcome the company.

Good day to all of you.

[ ooc: info post is here for anyone interested. ]

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lifelines
2013-06-20 05:49 pm UTC (link)

[ his words catch her off-guard and she pauses momentarily in her wrapping, his small concern as much as she would have given to someone she had grown fond of. the idea that he had grown fond of her at all wasn't entirely strange, more that she had already come to accept his presence near her. she isn't entirely sure how to feel about that. her time here has been short so far, yet she's been uprooted twice in less than a week, and because of that, she's gravitating towards people she understands. rebekah, whom she had come to consider slightly more than a simple acquaintance; nikola, whom she'd known the longest and who had finally pulled a secret or two out of her; and now jean-luc picard, in whom she could sense a kindred spirit.

realizing she'd stopped working on her re-bandaging efforts to give the good captain a curious and slightly confused look, she quickly ducks her head back to what she's doing. she's becoming attached. how odd. how frightening. ]

We only lost one of the hostages. It could have been quite a bit worse. [ and yet, the quiet way she says that belies her guilt for not having been able to save that man who had been shot. he'd come from canada, or at least that was where he'd lived. and then they'd shot him and helen had realized just what kind of people they were facing.

a muscle in her jaw tenses at the memory as she secures the second bandage and moves to replace everything where it needs to go. ]

A common theme I've heard so far. [ and another reason she'd wanted to get the clinic up and running. no use having the injured walking around as she was.

oddly enough, she's carefully not looking at him as she moves about. the realization that she's becoming attached to people here is causing her to want to wall herself away, isolate herself. it hasn't been very long at all since she rejoined her timeline and she isn't sure how she feels about everything or how comfortable she is with getting to know people again. a part of her is still reeling from those fresh losses, the double ones hitting her hardest. she knows she could be taken from here at any minute or someone else might be removed and if either thing happened, it would be one more mark on her long list of important people she outlived. ]

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tea_earlgreyhot
2013-06-22 12:22 am UTC (link)

[Whether it be a negotiation between two warring species or a one on one with a member of his crew, Jean-Luc had become quite adept at reading people in most matters. He could read a situation, read body language, read a certain tone or a glint of the eye. It was rare that he became awkward or stinted in any way, at least not in public. Usually those moments were reserved for his discomfort with children, the unwanted romantic overtures of Ms. Troi or the lack of propriety from the Q entity with all of its misuse of unlimited power.

Needless to say, he can also glean some understanding from avoidance, as in the way she avoids looking in his direction at the moment. It's strange how disheartening he finds that slightest of changes, for many reasons, the main one being that he finds himself concerned over what he might have said or done to be the catalyst for the sudden unseen distance between them. The room might be small, but suddenly it felt rather large.

Jean-Luc furrows his brow, tilting his head and watching her closely, more our of curiosity, a want to understand, than anything else.] Should I apologize, Doctor? Perhaps I've inadvertently said something untoward. I can assure you, any upset was by no means intentional.

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:: action - speech patters why so difficult

lifelines
2013-06-22 01:20 am UTC (link)

[ now he thinks he's done something wrong, something to upset her. there's really no way to tell anyone that the fault they've incurred was to simply exist, to speak with her and allow her insight into who they are as individuals. were will here, he would step in for her, allow her to leave while explaining the situation as best he could in her place. henry would stand there uncertainly. kate would probably leave the room herself, saying this isn't her business. and her old friend... he would want to stay out of the immediate issue, but offer his opinion when no one else was around.

dear god helen misses them.

she pauses after closing the last cabinet, letting her head duck a little and her hand linger. a moment later, she turns to face the captain, leaning slightly back against the counter as she folds her arms over her chest. it's a protective motion, one she uses when she feels vulnerable or possibly concerned over something -- but what? -- though her expression is a mix of emotions.

she doesn't want this man to take the blame for her own shortcomings. he reminds her so much of james at times that it's difficult for her to remember that being close to people doesn't often end well for her. they change, they die, and either way she's left alone. perhaps it's petty of her, but she finds it difficult to allow herself to become close to someone when she knows at the end she'll be the last one standing. ]

You've no reason to apologize.

[ how does she explain without going into details about her life? how does anyone admit that they've lost nearly everyone they ever cared for and that being near them might as well be a death sentence? her former fiance, her lovers, her daughter.

few are the days in which helen magnus has to deal with her tumbling emotions. apparently today has been more up and down than she'd expected. first the long talk with nikola and now this. her mind is scattered after everything that happened the last two days and she'd like it to cooperate so she can find a way to get out of explaining too much. her silence likely isn't helping. that one sentence isn't much of an explanation. ]

When you've lived as long as I have, loss becomes as constant a companion as life.

[ it's more than she's offered anyone in a very long time. decades, perhaps. the words themselves are very telling, speaking of more issues than she really wants to admit, even as it can simultaneously be applied solely to the situation she arrived here from, the one in which she watched someone die because the captors hadn't gotten what they wanted in a timely manner. whichever way captain picard decides to take it, helen turns to make certain everything is in its rightful place. she's accustomed to having these conversations with will, who would needle her until she snapped and used her rank as his boss to get him to shut up. she can't do that here. captain picard isn't beneath her.

he's her equal. ]

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:: action - I so love this thread

tea_earlgreyhot
2013-06-22 01:55 am UTC (link)

[It takes a brief moment of consideration over what she says before his brows lift with realization. He can relate to loss of those one holds dear, not just through the loss of numerous members of his crew, some of which he'd known better than others. But Also, he still vividly remembers living the full life of an iron weaver by the name of Kamin on the now extinct planet of Kataan. He remembered how real the loss of Kamin's wife and their two children had felt to him when he had returned to his own life. They were still the family he had never allowed himself in lieu of chasing after his career.

His career, that had always come first. His career, that was nonexistent here -- a fact that left him ill at ease and uncertain as to what to do with himself.]

I see. [He nods once slowly, almost a dramatic gesture for his usually understated mannerisms. In his eyes there is the slightest hint of uncertainty, which speaks volumes from a man who is always so certain, at least where others can see. But there's also a genuine empathy there, proof that he thinks he understands what she's trying to convey.]

And yet what is life without loss, the ache of it, the threat of it and the hope that we exist as if we might lose the entirety of everything in the blink of an eye?

[There's suddenly a brazen spark of mischief in his eyes, a cockiness and surety that's always there, but that he keeps hidden away much of the time. But it was that overconfident manner that had kept him alive many times over.] No, I would argue that life is better when lived with a certain amount of brashness in spite of the inevitability of loss. My former First Officer would refer to it as... going all in.

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:: action - so do i. it is the most amazing thing in the world sdfkj

lifelines
2013-06-22 02:23 am UTC (link)

[ helen has the clinic. it isn't the sanctuary and it never will be, but it's a start. it's something for her to do with her hours and that's part of what she was going for when she proposed the idea. even so, his words remind her of herself centuries ago. james might have pulled her back from such a venture... but at the same time, he'd been part of the five, he'd gone ahead with the source blood experiment.

she shakes herself inwardly to clear her mind of those intruding thoughts and once again turns back to face the captain. they aren't yet on a first-name basis, though she wonders if they ever will be, considering how they both seem to favor respectful titles rather than personal names. this man seems to have a very good way with words... he's encouraging her to actually speak about her emotions, something will has been after her for the three years he's known her.

at least when she rests her hands on the counter behind her, she looks better than she did previously, less closed, fewer hints of sorrow in her eyes. that might even be a hint of a smile, a small one. but it's there. ]

My second-in-command would have liked you. He's been trying to tell me that for the last three years.

[ once upon a time, she had been like that. and to some extent she still was. she very much liked having things to do. it was simply difficult for a woman of her age and experience. or so she kept telling herself. it's easier not to be attached, even if she knows well she always will be. ]

I suppose "going all in" works for some situations better than others.

[ it's harder when you know the universe won't let you die. ]

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tea_earlgreyhot
2013-06-23 05:01 pm UTC (link)

[He'll take her change in demeanor and that glimmer of a smile as a win. After all, in his time in Starfleet, through situations both dire and not, he's learned to take even the smallest of victories and run with them. And so he does, offering a smile in return.]

I've found that the advice of second-in-commands should always be taken into consideration. Now whether said advice is followed or not, remains to be seen as I've also found them to be extremely cautious and overprotective of their superiors, almost to a fault. [Which also fell in line with her comment about 'going all in' working for some situations and not for others.]

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:: action - ij needs an edit button X(

lifelines
2013-06-23 05:52 pm UTC (link)

[ that's all very true and helen can't help the small, quiet laugh that escapes her. it's very true and she knows will would love it if she'd take his advice more than once in a while. yet they both know she has both age and experience on her side. she's accustomed to being in charge, no matter the situation, and not being so is strange, disconcerting.

one of the reasons she'd fought so hard against her captors before she arrived in this prison system was because she so disliked not being in control, the same reason she was working to learn all she could here. ]

Mine happens to be a forensic psychiatrist. [ do they even have those in his time? ] I hired him to help me analyze behavior in my patients, so I could better help them. He would have a field day here.

[ she can just imagine will psycho-analyzing everyone, even the wardens, and part of her wishes he were here just for that. another part of her misses him simply because he's become part of her sanctuary family, that adopted son who won't hesitate to tell her what he thinks of things before he goes and does what she asks, as long as it coincides with what he believes is right.

and she wouldn't have it any other way. ]

Some days I think Will would like me to be a bit less forward. [ at least with her actions. with her words, he's always wanted more. he can read her for the most part, but he's still working on pulling information out of her. he isn't as good as nikola yet simply by virtue of not having known her as long.

captain picard, on the other hand, is a lot like james, perfectly able to pull things out of her despite her best efforts, and yet neither were ever anything short of gentlemanly about it. except when james was upset with her, but those times were few and far between. part of her hopes she'll never give jean-luc a reason to be angry with her, even as another part of her knows she likely will. she's too headstrong not to. ]

As for your second-in-command... You've given this person the title of First Officer. Is that a military title or simply a title I'll have to get used to in a few centuries' time? [ call her curious. and if he doesn't feel like answering, she won't press. hardly fair of her to press him for information when she's having difficulty answering all of his questions. ]

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tea_earlgreyhot
2013-06-24 06:49 pm UTC (link)

Oh yes, in the Federation First Officer always indicates the second in command below the Captain of a ship. Mine was Commander William Riker. They usually advise the Captain, implement directives, compile duty rosters, crew evaluations...

[It could prove amusing, their shared control issues which were sure to be explored and confronted as they grew more accustomed to each others friendship. Jean-Luc's brow furrowed thoughtfully as he worked to put together what a forensic psychiatrist might be. It's actually fairly simple to deduce even if he wonders if he's actually reached the correct conclusion.]

May I ask, what sort of medicine you practice, Doctor? [Her answer will help him to piece together where the people she speaks of fit into her profession.]

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lifelines
2013-06-24 09:40 pm UTC (link)

[ she can't decide if she should be picturing an ocean-going vessel or a futuristic ship of space. either way, that can be asked later. they seem to be trading questions. for now she files away the information he's giving her and the name as well. ]

Can't say I've ever had much to do with the military. Wasn't really my style, particularly after going through the two World Wars. [ yep, she's been through those and actually experienced them firsthand. ] But I do know how necessary it is and I understand the sacrifices that are often made.

[ her eyes lift to meet his, her expression solemn and sympathetic. she understands what it's like... being in a war. this war against the world governments and their idea of dealing with abnormals marks her third. she's seen individuals die for a cause they believe in, for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or to protect her while she carried out a mission that would bring an end to a war. no matter how much she tries to justify it so she can rest at night, she'll never like the killing. ]

That's a bit of a story. I suppose it depends on how long you'd like to be here. [ it really is a long story and she doubts she'll tell him all of it, but she might give him something more to chew over until their next meeting. ]

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tea_earlgreyhot
2013-06-30 06:49 pm UTC (link)

[Strange how telling the eyes can be. Jean-Luc had been told for much of his life that he was an old soul. He had of course never seen it in himself, but then one rarely saw in themselves what others saw. As he looked in Helen's eyes now he could imagine that what he saw there was what others were referring to with him. An old soul, someone with all the weight of responsibility on their shoulders, someone who had both played witness to and involved themselves in too many questionable things in their time, someone who could see beyond what lay right before them in the present. Yes, he supposed that that was very much what an old soul was.

He nods is agreement, his understanding. And in that moment he feels that he is really and truly seeing her, not just in the superficial kind of way, but into her character, into the meat of what makes her who she is. It's just a glimpse, but just enough to reaffirm to himself that he very much enjoys her company, enough o bolster his curiosity over her uniqueness.]

Oh I've plenty of time, Doctor. I would even offer you a cup of tea to accompany a good story and conversation were I able.

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lifelines
2013-07-01 02:36 am UTC (link)

[ for one who sought to look, helen is extremely expressive. her eyes betray that weight in her heart. and she's fairly certain he will be the same. he's a kindred spirit to her, someone whose questions and aura feel familiar. she's comfortable around him. she's fond of him.

taking a deep breath, she pushes that to the side. time to decide how much of her story she wants to tell him. at least she'll be up front about her hesitation. ]

I hope you're aware that there are some things I can't tell you. Not yet. [ perhaps in the future, but not yet. ] I would assume the same is true of you.

[ she pauses for effect and moves away from the counter she was leaning on. ]

I run a Sanctuary, a place where Abnormal species can live without fear of being hunted and feared by humans. I myself am what we would call a human Abnormal. My base species is human, but my DNA is slightly mutated, giving me longevity as my Abnormality. I took over the Network from my father. We believe all life deserves protection and so we protect humans and Abnormals from each other.

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tea_earlgreyhot
2013-07-01 04:21 pm UTC (link)

I can assure you, Doctor, I would not expect you to divulge all of your life's secrets at one fell swoop, so to speak. And I can appreciate that you do not expect the same of me.

[An attempt at reassurance. He might ask questions but he certainly doesn't expect an answer to all of them, only the ones she might be comfortable answering. He nods, listening to her explanation of her Sanctuary, his lips pursed thoughtfully.]

From your description, Sanctuary is an apt title for your work, offering safe harbor to those who would seek protection. Abnormals, are they all mutated humanoids or is there more? Alien species, perhaps?

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lifelines
2013-07-01 06:18 pm UTC (link)

Absolutely.

[ the reassurance is appreciated. she would certainly hate to inform someone she had come to like as much as the captain that he was prying too much. that would lead her down the path of closure and, for once, she doesn't want that. ]

An Abnormal is any creature with a mutated genetic structure, some ability that isn't commonly accepted as "normal" for its species. [ the "abnormal" range is large and she's known many animal species as well as humanoid ones. ] We haven't yet made contact with alien species, though I would imagine they have their own set of rules regarding what is normal and what isn't. If they would need our help, and assuming the Network is alive and well enough, we would willingly give it.

[ she's assuming she'll live up to picard's timeline, if not well beyond it. ]

Are alien species common in your time? [ seeing as he's from well into her future, she wouldn't be surprised. even so, she's curious. ]

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