help idk i'm writing
[There's not a twitch from her as he moves about, or speaks-- not any indication that she's even heard him, just the balling of her hands into tight fists and utter silence that could give an admittedly fair impression of her being absolutely furious.
She wishes she could be just furious right now. That's a much less complicated emotion than whatever tangled mess that's struggling and weaving around right now, what she knows what she has to do in her head, what she long planned to do in her heart.
She should be nodding, yes get it over with and forget, they can do that this time because he's willing to. Nothing will come of them, pretending otherwise and pandering to it won't change reality, and they've finally negotiated on that. She should settle this, once and for all, and give in to him and herself. It'll make it harder at first, it might make it impossible, but if it doesn't, they will be fine in time and she'll have peace of mind that she didn't run this time, or ignore.
It's his words in the end that set her path, in complete opposition to nagging rationality and those very words. Before, she wanted nothing more than to push the repression she so strove for on him, to keep them both in check and make it easier. Now actually hearing it come out of his mouth in words like that makes her feel like someone has reached into her gut and twisted, leaving her on short breath, disgusted, all other sensations you might imagine associated with that action, as she realizes all at once. He's doing this for her, he's stomping out his heart too, and he shouldn't be. She chose her way of life, she should be the only one to pay the highest price for it.
Her mouth works wordlessly a bit, as she tries to form a verbal denial against him, his promise she for once wants nothing to do with, before setting in a line. Anger-- at what she understands, at how pathetic she's been, is being about this-- is very much an actual thing now, and it along with new-found determination(that could and may be misunderstood by him) what's written clearly across her face, and the not so visible underlying fear that she may cower away again should she not act immediately, spur her around and forward to shut down his proposition in another way. Even though he's on the other side of the bubble, it only takes her a step to cross it, and in a single fluid motion she places her hands on his shoulders as she reaches as tall as she can so that she can press her lips to his.
What she will do now is no longer up for debate. One side was utterly silenced the moment she was against him]