I arise from dreams of thee...
Who: Desmond and Jia When: Sunday just after midnight Where: Near Beth's window... What: Wandering in the night Rating: PG-13 Status: COMPLETE
The air was warm in the afternoon, it felt pleasant on his skin, and it made him smile, really smile, as he sat beneath the shade of a tree. Flipping through a book on modern technology that was written in the most basic of terms, he couldn't help but sigh as it still went over his head. Rubbing his temples with one of his large hands he pressed the palm close to his face and tried to take in a slow relaxing breath as he put down the book, neatly making sure it was closed as he laid in in his lap and then tilted his head upwards, listening as a blue jay noisily squawked above him, as if it was becoming for his attention. His blue eyes focused on it for a moment and he tilted his head at it, while it looked down at him with black eyes, and tilted it's head in a completely different direction, and squawked again before flying off.
"Sorry I couldn't be more help..." he called out lightly after it and felt his smile widen. Something in the air just made things seem, simpler, more in focus, and for the first time in a long time, he felt like a sense of peace was over him in his features. His classes were going extraordinarily well, he even was buying one of those computer things that Tobias had shown him, so that he could get linked into this interweb or whatever it was that everyone else was talking about. And though he knew that the past was still there, he wasn't letting it get him down. He was accepting it, and he was moving on. This was the first step, and it felt, honestly, truly wonderful.
Getting up, he stretched wide, and then did a backflip, then another one, landing easily with each one from years of pratice as he threw up his hands and gave a cry out of happiness. It felt good to be noisy for once, and he saw some people smiling at him and waving, and he waved back, easily. All of it seemed so simple now, that he wondered how he couldn't have done it before. Without a care in the world he scooped up his book and walked over towards a picknick table, tossing his book down on the seat as he sprawled out across the top of it, taking in a slow breath, and closing his eyes for a moment.
Beneath him he could feel the heat from the wood radiating against his back pleasantly as if it were warm beach sand, hot and enticing. It made him shiver a little, and he scrunched up his shoulders at the sensation of it, then relaxed, and let the sun bathe him again in it's warth, which seemed to radiate here more without the cover of the trees. It was not an oppressive heat the way it was in the desert, in the east, but instead a such a pleasant relaxing feeling that made him remember the days that he had lived near the ocean. So much so that he could nearly hear the waves of the ocean crashing right next to him if he concentrated.
The wind blew through his dark hair lightly, and he could smell something in the distance, familiar. It was sweet, yet exotic as well, and it reminded him of... happiness. He heard a sound close to him and couldn't help but open his eyes, looking to the left of him to see something that looked big, from his perspective, and textured like paper. Breathing in he smelled the warm aroma and realized that it was coffee, a very familiar type of coffe, it was the kind that he had tasted today. That sweet, alluring mixture of coffee bean and exotic chocolate and sugar and cream, all wrapped up into a single beverage that was perhaps the sweetest, but definitely the best thing he'd tasted in a long time.
As he slowly leaned up, he watched as a pair of stunning blue eyes like the afternoon sky were revealed slowly, her face like the sun as it rose from behind those cups. He felt warmer already, and realized there was a faint flush to his cheeks as he started to sit up a little and push himself back so that he was sitting not quite so close to her. She tilted her head at him and raised her eyebrows in the way that questioned this action, but appeared to let him do it if it was something that he indeed wanted to do. Desmond swallowed as he looked at her, and felt his heart start to race a little, despite his own efforts to calm it. He opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again, feeling more embarassed than ever.
"You know, I'll start..." the blonde haired beauty said as she smiled at him. "I'm, really sorry about this morning. I wanted to stop you when you were leaving, but you didn't really give me a chance to, Desmond. You seemed in such a rush to get out the door, I just... didn't know what to do. I feel bad that we seem to have gotten things off to an awkward start twice though," she said, holding up one of the cups of mocha, "So I brought you a peace offering. Come on, I saw the way you looked when you tried it for the first time. You like this as much as I do. " she said as she scooted the cup towards him insistantly and then crossed her arms, waiting for him to try it.
Desmond brought it to his lips testingly, and took a sip of it. It tasted warm, wonderful, and sweeter than it had before. Earlier, he had thought that it was the most wonderful thing that he had tasted in a long time. But this, what she had brought him now was the most wonderful thing that he had tasted... ever. It was perfect in a way that made him want to drink it until he burned his tongue, though his common sense stopped him from doing it, and he put the cup down slowly as he looked at her. She had such a bright smile on her face that he thought his heart was going to break just looking at it, and so he looked away for a moment, before he looked back at her.
"You didn't need to bring this. I..." he frowned, as he tried to think of what he could say to her. What COULD he say, that would make any bit of difference? "I really appreciate the sentiment, but... I meant what I said in the coffee house. You just don't... understand. There's no way that you could." The pang of telling her that felt every bit as painful as her smile had made him feel wonderful. He slowly spun around and put his feet on the seat of the picknick table as he faced away from her, staring off into the distance as his hands gripped the edge of the table.
He could hear as she got up, and waited for her to storm off again. He deserved it, after all. This was what he wanted to do, what he'd been trying to do, when he wasn't too weak and pathetic to. This was what was important, this would ensure that everything would be okay, wouldn't it? Or at least that Beth would lead a better life, one without him in it. Without warning he felt something tug at the thick leather glove that he wore, pulling it off as he opened his eyes, and felt the warmth of another hand envelope it. He tried to pull it back, but she wouldn't let him.
"Then MAKE me understand, Desmond. What is so terrible about learning about you? What is it that you're trying so hard to keep bottled up inside that you won't show me? There's nothing in there that could scare me, Desmond. There's nothing that you've done that is beyond forgiveness. I know that. So stop trying to hide from me, and just... let me in." Beth's voice threatened to rend his soul in twain.
"It's not that simple, I have done things... I can't let you get close because if I do... you'll get hurt."
"No, Desmond, the only way I'll get hurt is if I'm not with you. I'm not going to let you do this. You can try to push me away, but I won't let you, I CARE too much about you for that." He could feel the warmth of her hand on his cheek now, her breath getting hot against his lips. He could feel himself leaning in a little as she promised him sweetly, "I'm not going to leave you, Desmond. I care about you... so much. Nothing you can say will make me go away..."
Desmond's eyes flew open to reveal darkness, and for a moment there was that brief disorientation that came from transferring from one realm of consciousness to another. As he sat up quickly he looked around the dark room, wondering for a moment what had happened during the rest of the day? What had he done after Beth had brought him a coffee in the park and insisted that he couldn't push her away from him. Everything after that seemed to be a blank, like a puzzle that he didn't have all of the pieces to, a mess that he couldn't sort out in his brain.
And then, suddenly, everything snapped into place, into perfect, agozing, clarity. There was no memory of Beth at the park that day. She hadn't come to bring him coffee and apologize for letting him go. There really was nothing from her side of things that she needed to apologize for anyway. All of this, the whole thing was his fault, his doing. He kept pushing her further and further away. Why then should he be hurt when it wound up working out the way that was trying to get it to? Because he was expecting that she would push back against him, insist that he open up to her, and let her in? That he let her care for him?
Desmond slipped from beneath the covers, reaching down to grab his clothes, sliding on the dark t-shirt, pulling it over his head as he slipped on his boxers and pants, then slid into his boots, tying them before going to his closet to fish out the black duster that he always wore, feeling the familiar heavy mantle of it slipping over his shoulders as he looked at the door. He could go that way, but he was afraid that he would wake Dannika, and bumping into her at night, when he could smell her untouched blood would be... problematic.
Instead, he soundlessly slipped out of his window, drifting to the ground, not needing to look up as he used telekinesis to shut it behind him soundlessly, and lock it. The last thing he wanted was to put Dannika in any form of danger.
The air outside was brisk, but comforting as well. He just wished, for not the first time, that he could be human at night as well, and feel the air really chill him to the bone. Make him feel numb inside so that he wouldn't hurt as much as he was hurting right now, feeling what he did for something that was at best a fantasy, and at worst, a nightmare that had yet to be realized.
As he pulled out a pocket watch, he noted that it was only just past midnight. Not late enough that most of the populace of the college town were asleep, not by half. But most of them were out doing their own things, hopping from party to party, or whatnot. And, not wanting to attend any of those parties himself, he instead moved through the campus until he looked up, and felt a familiar burning in his chest. Not more than a hundred yards from where he stood, was her window. He knew it was hers, because it wasn't the first time he had wandered past there. And there was a scent to it that smelled... like she did. A smell that he would know out of a million different others.
Staring at it now, he couldn't help but smile a little bitterly as a poem came to mind, that he began to speak aloud.
"I arise from dreams of thee In the first sweet sleep of night, When the winds are breathing low, And the stars are shining bright I arise from dreams of thee, And a spirit in my feet Has led me - who knows how? To thy chamber-window, Sweet!
The wandering airs they faint On the dark, the silent stream, The champak odors fall Like sweet thoughts in a dream, The nightingale's complaint, It dies upon her heart, As I must die on thine, O, beloved as thou art!
O, lift me from the grass! I die, I faint, I fail! Let thy love in kisses rain On my lips and eyelids pale, My cheek is cold and white, alas! My Heart beats loud and fast Oh! press it close to thine again, Where it will break... at last..."
The last few syllables from his lips causing him to wince, he blinked heavily to keep any emotion from leaking from his eyes, turning to walk away, and taking that first step. He knew that he shouldn't be here, even if everything in him wanted to turn around and get closer...