Just having him pressed against her body was enough to make her back arch. The way his hands tightened on her wrists reminded her more of that night in the woods then the sharp sting of his grasp. There was a part of herself in her brain that screamed at herself to stop. It was like being completely unable to control your own body. She wondered where the strings were that pulled at the Raina shaped marionette. And what cruel captor was making her move? But the darker side had her body trembling, fire burning through every inch of her with the most incredible rush of ecstasy she could ever imagine. It was like an ancient sin that had been dug up millions of years after it's origination. Pandora's box was opened and she could feel the darkness that came out of it.
Hissing when he moved, she pushed herself back until she hit the wall against the side of her bed and couldn't go back any farther. "Disappointed in me?" Wild eyes darted at him and as much as she wanted to be angry, the desire was so much stronger. It took almost all of her strength not to let herself rush over to him again. "You've been gone for weeks! You tell me to control myself but HOW am I supposed to do that?" She was trying to hold herself still for so long, and she was shaking so hard in that stiff stance that it was starting to hurt--and finally that pain was helping calm her. Even if it was only a little bit, it was better than nothing at all.
"I don't know how," she finally cried, closing her eyes and forcing herself to look away. "I didn't want to hurt you." She admitted, feeling the burning on her face again. Knowing he was so close to her had another heat surging through her body in waves. One minute it was shallow and she could breathe, and the next it had splashed over her head. "I can't.. sleep, I can't eat. I can't think." She shook her head but tried not to look at him. It was worse when she looked at him. That need just magnified tenfold. "I had no idea.."
The confession came from a small voice, a voice that was very much Raina even though it was thick and heavy with all the other things. Including that possessive need to take his blood, to swallow the sting and let it fill her the way it had. "You were right. I never could have understood this. And I'd be stupid to say what I feel is the same thing you feel all the time." She pulled her legs up to her chest, and even that simple move was too much. She had to swallow the almost-orgasm she felt from the way her clothes moved against her body. Knowing he was so close just made that sensation even stronger. Wrapping her unbroken arm over her legs, she held them as close to her chest as she could, taking up as small a space as she could manage. Her broken arm however (which she was realizing would need to be re-broken and set) rest on the pillow beside her.
Her head shook rapidly back and forth, "I can't make it stop. I can't make it lessen." She sounded almost panicked about that. When she wasn't in that moment, she could manage to speak clearly. "I almost.." But Raina stopped there. How do you admit that you planned on attacking your teacher for a taste a blood? Then again, if there was ANYONE in the world she could admit something like that to, it would be Desmond. "I couldn't think past it. It was like taking a back seat in my own head. I thought his blood would like, tide me over." Her eyes closed with the embarrassment.
The next was the hardest part, because it was the complete opposite of what she wanted, but level headed Raina (who was mostly not around) actually cared about him. "You can leave if you want," she whispered. "I know you don't want to be here, not after what I did to you. Just.. just know.. hurting you wasn't my intention, though it doesn't change that it did." She sniffled and reached up to wipe at her face. The drying blood on her face made her want to shower but she was horribly afraid of getting under the watery currents right now. There were so few activities she could partake in that didn't leave her completely exhausted.