She felt her eyes filling up with tears as he spoke. Then when he threw the jacket, she reached for it, holding it against her stomach. It seemed a silly thing to worry about her modesty after something like this. Her fingers ran slowly against the leather until she thought of him leaving her again. She still had the taste of him in her mouth as she slowly, awkwardly rose from the ground. "I don't feel like you violated me, and it wasn't any of those horrible things that you think it would be. I wanted you, and you wanted me too. That wasn't just the darkness compelling you."
But would he stop? Would he even look back?
She took a step forward. "Desmond, please don't leave like this. Please." When had she gotten so desperate? When had she had to fight so hard? And just like that, she was right back where she started--wanting to go sit by the lake and drink until she couldn't feel anything anymore. "What a stupid girl," she whispered as she looked down at the jacket in her hands that he had given her. Her fingers curled around it tightly, holding it against her and she stared down at it. She considered just leaving it. In fact, she'd been moments away from dropping it. But it was his and he may want it back.
There was a painful feeling in the pit of her stomach that made her want to scream. What if she never saw him again? What if he just disappeared after this? It hurt even worse than the prospect of seeing him on campus when he'd just walked away the first time. Her life wouldn't be better without him. He simply had to understand that. But this time when she spoke his name in the darkness, her voice was soft and low, and almost disappeared in the surrounding darkness. Was he gone? Was he watching her? She couldn't be sure if the blood she'd ingested would help her find a way to tell where he was, if she could sense him in any way. Instead, she held his duster against herself, making sure the skirt was as securely in place as possible.
Then what else was she to do to but start to walk towards campus. If Desmond didn't want to see her, or her to see him, then she wouldn't. That much she was sure of. The walk was steady and quiet, much more than she wanted it. The comforting darkness was now a large beast that wouldn't let her go, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to run from it or let it consume her. Once back in her dorm, she fell on her bed and climbed under the covers.