The conversation about Desmond was more than she could handle right now. Raina figured she had done a hell of a lot so far by even talking about it and now that she'd gotten her words out, she was certainly done with it. Especially if she couldn't explain how much faith she had in the dhampir. He wouldn't have done anything other than exactly what he said had happened. Though she did remember his comment about how the draw of the blood had almost caused him to rape her. Maybe, just maybe, to an extent both Desmond and Jack were right. That was something she could never understand but it wasn't for lack of trying. She had begged, and begging was definitely something that she had never been interested in doing before. She had never felt she had anything that she needed to fight for before. Of course there were things of importance but it wasn't the same.
So instead of commenting to anything that he said, she just continued onto the rest of the conversation. Like the part where he put his hand on her knee. Her eyes lowered to the longer fingertips that curled over her bare leg. The touch made her pulse jump, then even more when it start to slip up to her thigh. She raised her eyes from his touch to look at him as he commented on his state of inebriation and--excitement. "I'm not afraid." She whispered, intent on doing this. If committing to this could assure her that she would never have to go through this kind of pain again, then she would do it. Her breath quickened as the position of his hand pushed her skirt up to a less than decent length.
But she didn't move. Not to push him away. Instead she leaned back a little, pressed her lips together and looked up at him in defiance. She could feel the blush not only on her face but across the parts of her chest that the semi-low cut shirt bore. Watching his hand and the light squeeze he gave to her breast of course excited her. Even if that was something she would normally refuse to admit. Those weren't thoughts that good little girls had. But she wasn't trying to be a good girl. Not anymore. Now she wanted to go into survival mode.
It surprised her though when he moved suddenly and stood. Giving him her hand, Raina accepted Jack's help to raise herself from the ground. Once she was on her feet, she was pressed against him enough that it caught her breath once more. She tried not to let that show though.
Kill? Raina shook her head, "Don't patronize me, Jack. I'm not about to kill anyone. I'm not asking you for help to hide a body or anything. I don't want to feel like i'm falling apart every damn second of every day." The feeling was rolling and alive inside of her like nothing had been since that one morning. "I don't know how to get out of this and I'm dying to feel like I'm not.. drowning." Now that it was starting, everything just started to come rolling out. "I'm, I'm.." She felt like she could just explode. "I'm so angry that I can't breathe. Why couldn't he just trust me? And why the hell does he get to tell me what's best for me? I don't care if he lived a million decades, that doesn't give ANYONE the right to dictate my actions."
Taking a step around Jack, Raina looked out at the pond and thought of that first night they had met each other. What would she do if that night could be relived with this knowledge? Was hindsight really 20/20? Would she change a thing? Would she walk away and save herself the heart ache? She sighed, "He had been interested in that girl, you know. But she didn't return the feelings and he couldn't just be friends with her. His words." Her voice was steady, much more than it had been all night. "I should have known then. I shouldn't have been such an idiot."
There was such a release in getting that out that she stopped trying to hold anything else in. The anger was rich and alive and she wanted to continue the feeling, so she finally let it out. Cursing wasn't like her but what had being her ever gotten? "Fuck!" she screamed, looking out over the water and into the darkness as her voice echoed. Wow. Wow, that had felt really good. Slightly out of breath, she looked back at Jack, surprise filling her eyes like it hadn't before.
"That felt good," Raina admitted, a small grin tugging at the corners of her lips.