And now it was her time to apologize "I'm sorry...it was my fault...I should have been more careful when walking home." Beth however could not figure a more sensible route, it was the shortest after all back to the campus that she could have constructed, so maybe her words were just to keep her friend from worrying himself into an ulcer, and watched as he rose to his feet and stumbled a bit, wishing to rise to her own feet to help him, she knew however that he would have brushed off her meager attempts in helping him, so instead she stood slowly and wandered to the wall by her bed, she wrapped her arms around herself and stole a glance to the blood stain of her bedding, worried that the bed itself might have been ruined and if that were the case she'd be forced to buy a new one for the school through most likely absurd and astronomical fees. "You saved my life Desmond, that's all that matters." And it was, he was far more self giving and gentle hearted than he'd ever admit, far more worthy of incredible things than he'd ever ask for, and far more worthy of love than he'd ever let himself know.
She watched as the light of the sun slowly filtered through the room and it was only then that she yawned for the first time, a reminder that she hadn't slept nearly long enough, and that dreams plague the mind, keeping it active and restless so that sleep does not ever feel rested and well earned. His words struck her and she tore her gaze away from the stains upon her bed, the math was easy to do and she felt a weight in her chest as her whispered, "I'll watch my children die..." She thought of how she'd outlive any man she were to ever marry and how she'd forever have to explain as to why she were living well past the usual age of a normal human... to relive the moment that she nearly died, to tell the story again to anyone who would notice. She drew a breath, jagged and uneasily as he continued to explain the effects of his life saving technique, the mention of attraction caused her to blush as she thought of the dream she'd had, and again she shook her head no, "I've always felt drawn to you Desmond... you've got an amazing heart and an amazing soul... you're my friend and that'll never be a lie." But he was right, she would not contest that, the way his hand on her thigh earlier and the chills that raced through her, that was the pull that he spoke of and the yearning that had existed in her dreams of him. Still, he would always be the kindhearted, life saving, blue eyed being that she liked to call her friend, and as he spoke of another she could sense that the woman meant more to him than he'd ever let on as well... once more so much of him remained a mystery. "I'll steer clear if you need me to... maybe it's my turn to stay away..." She half smiled up at him as the thought alone caused an ache deep within that she'd spare him of ever knowing. "I'll pray that she's has an understanding heart though..." The space between them felt wider than normal, unnatural like a canyon and they both teetered on the edges.
"Thank you for everything Desmond." She whispered to him as she considered the words that her father would share with her, as she wept to him on the phone about how she'd outlive her own children, she imagined him reminding her that God had a plan for her with every event that has ever taken place in her life and how Desmond saving her life with his own blood would merely give her more years to do God's biding on this Earth... to do good, she'd remind herself of this every day, for the rest of her life when she starts to regret ever being saved because nothing in life should ever be a regret, she did not want Desmond to ever regret saving her life.