InsaneJournal

OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* (darkforcerising) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2014-01-25 13:15:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, padme amidala

Who: Anakin and Padmé
What: Padmé sets him straight about his increasing recluse behavior
When: Friday evening
Where: Their babies’ room
Rating/Warnings: Cute bbs! Umm… probs low. Sadness of the SW variety
Status: In progress/Closed

Anakin entered the set of quarters he shared with Padmé and their three children. It was late, he tried to fill his day with things that kept him away from ‘home’ as much as possible, while still helping with the babies in a substantial way. He wasn’t mad at Padmé, he was mad at himself. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but at the same time, he still remembered what it felt like those few days Vader was here.

He could have hurt someone, or worse… how could anyone forgive him of that?

He followed Padmé’s presence to the room they’d converted into a nursery. He walked up to the crib she was standing before and looked down on Leia’s sleeping form. He wanted to reach across the small space between him and Padmé and touch her, hold her, hug her, be close to her - but he kept his hands to himself.

“How long have they been asleep?”

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rebellionangel
2014-01-25 04:40 am UTC (link)

When they last spoke four days ago, Padmé hadn't felt like a mother or a wife. She hadn't even felt completely like the Queen she should have been at the age of fourteen. The children she loved so much had been strangers to her. Each night since her return to her proper age found her lingering by their cribs longer and longer. Found her touching and gazing down at them more.

There was a deep longing to not be standing there alone, to be a family again. So many moments she wanted to seek Anakin out but Padmé gave him time and space. For now.

It's no surprise when a shadow darkens the doorway, knowing how hard it was to stay away. She doesn't look up until he's standing next to her, her eyes gazing over his face searching for so many things. But there is no mistrust in her -- no fear or heartbreak like there had been when she first arrived. All there was was a soft kind of sadness to accompany her small smile. Now that she'd seen him, Padmé would not be able to let him leave her again.

"Not long."

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darkforcerising
2014-01-25 11:27 am UTC (link)

Anakin didn’t understand why there was no fear when Padmé looked at him. He was afraid when he caught glimpses of his reflection. After last week he kept expecting to see a black mask staring back at him. Everyone else was struck by the differences between who he was as Anakin and what he was as Vader, but he couldn’t help but notice all the similarities. Perhaps because he’d had the vantage of looking out from those covered eyes rather than look in.

“I shouldn’t be here. You are safer without me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

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rebellionangel
2014-01-27 06:33 am UTC (link)

There was once a time when she looked at him with fear buried deep down, and even on the surface. Yet if anything Padmé could only fear for him at this particular moment. Fear what he would do to himself, what he was already doing by keeping away. She remembered that mask, remembered being able to hear him breathe, remembered being afraid then. All of that was gone when everything had returned to normal and what was left was heartbreak. To see him like that.

Padmé hadn't known the outcome of the confrontation on Mustafar. All she knew was that she'd been taken away from the planet, from the man she loved. It was harder to look upon his face as she lost him.

Now, when he intended to leave again a small fear swelled up. One of being pushed aside and loss. That fear didn't drive her away but caused her to reach up and grab his arm to prevent him from leaving.

"Anakin. Staying away is not the solution."

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darkforcerising
2014-01-27 03:36 pm UTC (link)

Anakin turned pleading eyes towards Padmé when she touched him. His hand automatically went to hers, taking it off his arms to hold. And even that small amount of touch started eating away at his resolve. He loved his wife and his children, he could never deny that.

“What is the solution? I can’t hurt you again. You already suffered that once. I can try and try to keep myself from falling. But this place doesn’t respect that. I can only guarantee I won’t harm you if I’m not here.”

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rebellionangel
2014-01-29 08:15 am UTC (link)

It hurt when he was away long before they ever knew how terrible things could be. She always wanted to be with him when their duties separated each other. Now it was worse. For him to be so close and yet so far. Padmé turned towards him completely.

"We were fine before this placed changed us. We can't go back to that now," not with Anakin having experienced it. "But I won't let you go. Can you honestly tell me that you're better when we're apart?"

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	darkforcerising 2014-01-31 01:02 pm UTC (link)
	Anakin couldn’t lie about this, even if he believed doing so would keep her alive because it would help him back away and leave. But Padmé always knew what to ask and what to say. “No,” he said sadly, shaking his head. “But this could happen again. What if this happens again?” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rebellionangel 2014-02-06 01:08 am UTC (link)
	She knew the pain of watching him distance himself, losing himself to the Dark Side. Padmé had watched it happen right before her eyes and upon realizing that everything was different here, swore to never let it happen again. "If it happens again, we'll deal with it then. We shouldn't let it affect the way we live now." (Reply to this) (Parent)