Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievelog, @ 2014-01-06 05:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | h.g. wells |
Who: Helena and Christina
What: Helena's using her gift from Santa to spend a day with Christina.
When: Monday shortly before noon
Where: Helena's home in London
Warnings: FEELS. Like, massive feels. Also there are adorable bits in here. Non-specific mentions of a child's murder and How Helena Went Psychotic.
Helena had wavered so much on using the gift from Santa. She knew she wanted the chance to say goodbye to Christina as she'd never gotten the chance before, but she knew it would be a deeply emotional experience. It could potentially push her over the edge given she knew how she reacted when her daughter was involved. But Myka would be there for her, and Helena had already forewarned her she'd probably spend the next couple days in her bed as she dealt with the emotions this would undoubtedly trigger. Still, Helena knew she both wanted and needed to do this. She wanted to say a proper goodbye to her beloved daughter and try to heal herself a bit more. Oh the wound would never fully heal, she was fully aware of that, but if she could dull some of the pain with this, she would take it.
So she'd eaten the chocolate and thought of Christina. She was instantly transported back to London and the home she'd shared with Christina and Charles. She was standing in Christina's bedroom, bed made, dolls resting against the pillows on it. Everything was as Helena had kept the room after her daughter's death, a shrine to the life that was extinguished far too early. Helena took a step towards the bed to pick up one of the dolls.
"Mummy?" That voice cut through Helena in a way that nothing else could. She had almost forgotten the sound of her own daughter's voice. Helena turned around to see Christina standing there, looking up at her.
"Yes, it's me, love," she responded, tears welling up in her eyes. Her heart wrenched in her chest as she moved towards Christina. However, it was Christina who closed the distance between them first, throwing her arms around her mother as Helena knelt down to embrace her. Helena held Christina close against her, tears falling from her eyes. "Oh, my baby, I've missed you so much."
"I've missed you too, mummy," Christina responded, clinging to Helena. It seemed like an eternity that they clung to each other, simply reveling in holding the other, though it really was only a minute or two before Helena pulled back enough to look at Christina. This had been the girl Helena had bent the laws of time to try and save, her pride and joy.
"Not a day has passed that I haven't thought about you." Sniffing, Helena wipes her cheeks with her hand. "I have longed to see you again, though I am so different from the mother you knew."
"You are not as different as you think you are, mummy." Christina stated simply.
Helena searched her eyes momentarily, eyes that were eerily like her own, before she dropped her gaze, taking her daughter's hands in her own. "Oh but I am. I changed after I lost you, and not for the better. I admit I have not done you proud, and I am ashamed of that." She lifted her gaze back to Christina's. "But there is time enough for that discussion later, I have an entire day to be with you, and I am not going to squander it."
At that, Christina smiled and threw her arms around her mother again. Helena eagerly accepted the embrace, a smile stretching across her own face. After Christina pulled back, they spent a while playing with her dolls, much like they'd done so long ago. Hearing Christina's laughter was a sound Helena never thought she'd ever hear again save for in her memories. While Helena had an excellent memory, she truly did fear that a day would come when her memories would start to fade, that her memory would fail her. She may physically still be young, but she truly did fear her age. And who knew if any downsides from being bronzed would ever crop up down the line in regards to her health?
When they had gotten their fill of playing for the time being, Helena put the dolls back on the bed in the same order she'd had them after Christina had died.
"Mummy, you promised me a story the last time I saw you. Would you tell it to me now?"
Helena was briefly taken aback. She had promised Christina a story when she'd gotten back home after her summer in Paris. However, that had never been a promise Helena had been able to follow through with. "Of course, love," she responded with a smile, though some tears lined her eyes. Helena already had a story in mind. It wasn't the one she'd originally have told Christina upon their reunion after her return from Paris, but she felt this would make a better story. She went over to the rocking chair that was sitting by the fireplace and sat down on it. Christina followed her, then sat crosswise on her lap and rested her head against Helena's shoulder. Helena wrapped her arms around Christina and started to gently rock back and forth. The story she was going to tell was her own as she had lived it.
"There once was a young woman who had a daughter that she loved more than anything. They were happy, and the mother worked hard to give her daughter everything she could. But the mother's job was demanding, and it was a secret what she did. However, she believed in it, in the Warehouse, in making the world a better place for her daughter. She happily did her job knowing it made her daughter that much safer in a world of uncertainty. But because of her job, the mother couldn't be home as much as she wished to be, so one summer she'd arranged for her daughter to stay with cousins. Even though she wanted nothing more than to keep her daughter home, the mother knew she should have the experience abroad and to see family. When they parted ways as the daughter left for the summer, the mother hadn't known it what fate had in store for them."
Taking a deep breath, Helena tightened her arms around Christina, keeping her close against her as she rocked them both. Christina snuggled closer against her.
"The daughter lost her life, and the mother lost herself. The grief she felt was too potent for her to truly accept. She locked her grief deep inside as best as she could, and she tried to continue on with her life. However, the Warehouse, her place of employment, was full of objects with magical abilities. Some of them could make miracles happen. Driven by grief and the need to have her pride and joy back in her arms, she began looking through these objects to find one that could help her travel through time to undo what had been done, to rewrite time and reunite mother and daughter. However she could not find what she was looking for. So she built a time machine to travel back in time to stop her daughter from dying. Though it was to no avail, events could not be changed, and the mother was left with a deeper wound and powerful grief that drove her over the edge." Helena fell silent for some moments as she tried to gather herself.
"That was you not Sophie, wasn't it?" Christina asked.
Helena was slightly taken aback by that question. "Yes, it was. How did you know?"
"The way Sophie was with me that morning when I had a fever, she acted like you did." Really, Helena should've known Christina would've realized that, but it had never occurred to her.
"It was me. I tried to stop them..." Helena's arms tightened around her daughter and instinctively pulled her closer. In response, Christina snuggled into Helena more. Helena closed her eyes, trying to keep herself from losing it. She rested her cheek on top of Christina's head and just held her for a couple minutes in silence as she tried to pull herself together enough to continue telling the story.
Finally, Helena was able to continue telling the story. "The mother lost herself and she gave in to her anger and hate to hide her pain and grief. As a result, she did many terrible things. Though she realized she had become a danger, so she asked to be Bronzed, to voluntarily have herself encased in bronze and hopefully one day wake to a better world. Though she didn't know that people remained completely conscious the entire time. She lost herself further to the madness, and when she was finally freed from her bronze prison, she set a course for destroying the world in her anger and hate. She had a plan, but along the way, she met someone she'd never anticipated. This woman was a rare kind of person, and they became good friends. Yet the mother still went through with her plan, betraying her friend and attempting to destroy the world. The friend, however, stood up to her and managed to make her see the error of her ways, how far she'd fallen into madness. The mother was punished for her wrong doing, and she readily accepted it, though she would have preferred death to being made into a hologram. But as a hologram, she was still able to see her friend from time to time and help where she could. The mother had realized she'd come to love her friend, but she felt she'd ruined any chance of them ever being able to be together because of her betrayal."
"Like a knight? Is the friend actually a knight? Or knightess in this case?" Christina asked. Helena couldn't help the smile that crossed her face at her daughter's question.
"She most certainly is. She saved the mother from herself, but more than that she's saved the mother in every way possible." Which was true, Myka had saved her in every single way. "But it took time for them to rebuild their friendship after the mother had destroyed it. Then one day a very bad man came along that wished to destroy the Warehouse. However in order to see his plan come to fruition, he needed the mother's knowledge of a lock that had been designed by her teacher at the Warehouse. So he restored her to her body and took her to this lock. Though she'd never seen the lock before nor did she figure out how to open it. As a result, a young man lost his life because she made the wrong moves. The lock was a game of chess and the player began the game in check. If the player won the game, the lock would open. If the player lost, they would be killed. So the friend and her partner had followed the mother and the bad man to the lock. The bad man had the friend put in the player's seat, and the mother made two wrong moves. She didn't want to chance a third move and watch her friend, the woman she loved, die in front of her at her hand. However, the friend told her to take a breath and that she was going to save her. That's when the mother remembered her teacher had told her long ago that if the rules didn't agree with one, it was necessary to change them. So the mother changed the rules of chess and told the friend to make a move that normally is illegal in the game of chess. However, it worked. The lock opened and the mother had saved the friend's life."
"So you both saved each other." Christina smiled. "I like this story a lot."
"It is not finished yet, love," Helena said, both amusement and sadness in her voice. "The bad man was able to get into the Warehouse where he planted a bomb. He was defeated, but the mother, the friend, the friend's partner and the cranky bear were trapped inside the Warehouse. They discovered the bomb and the other three tried to diffuse the bomb to no avail. While they did that, the mother found a way to save the other three from the inevitable explosion. She formed a protective barrier around the three of them, though she wasn't able to include herself in it. She sacrificed her life to save theirs."
There were a few moments of silence in response to that before Christina lifted her head and looked at Helena. "You died?"
Helena smiled sadly. "I did."
"So you saved the knightess again. But what happened to her? Wasn't she sad that you were dead?" Christina asked.
"She was, but the story does not end there. After the mother died, she found herself in a strange new world called the Land of Make Believe. Here, the mother made new friends and made a life for herself. The friend was also there, and they did eventually confess their love for each other."
"So it does have a happy ending!" Christina exclaimed with a smile. Helena couldn't help the warm smile cross her own face.
"It does, but it's not an ending. It is still being written as we speak." Helena gently smoothed some of Christina's dark hair back from her face.
"What's her name?" Christina inquired.
"Myka."
"What's she like?"
"Always inquisitive, aren't you?" Helena teased with a laugh. "She's very intelligent and she has a deep love of literature. She has a very kind and loving heart. I can talk to her about anything, and I know she'll listen. We do not always agree, and we can bicker at times, but I know she is always there for me just as I am there for her."
"Are you happy?" Christina asked pointedly.
The smile on Helena's lips positively beamed. "I am very happy."
It was Christina's turn to have a beaming smile cross her face. "Good. I want you to be happy, mummy. I can't be there with you anymore, but I am happy you found someone who can be." Christina hugged Helena tightly, and Helena returned the hug whole-heartedly.
"I wish you could be with us, love. I think you and Myka would get along very well." Helena pressed a kiss to Christina's forehead. "Yet I know you're always in my heart, and you will always be part of me. One day, we will see each other again."
When Helena died, she would be reunited with Christina. Or at least that was her hope. If she repented her sins enough in whatever remained of her life, perhaps that would be her reward instead of going straight to Hell for her sins. But now was not the time to dwell on that. Right now, Helena was focused on spending this time with Christina and making it count. So with the story done, they went about doing some other activities together, just enjoying the time they had together, enjoying this long goodbye as much as they could.
But of course, the inevitable time came when Helena and Christina had to say their final goodbye to each other. The final goodbye was something Helena was dreading because she knew it would hurt, but she also knew it was necessary. She needed to let go and let herself heal.
"It's almost time for me to go," Helena said finally, looking at Christina.
"Don't be sad, mummy. I love you, and you have Myka." Christina said with a hopeful smile.
"I know, but I'm not good at saying goodbye. Though that is the reason I'm here, I never was able to say a proper goodbye to you." Helena reached out and gently stroked Christina's hair, feeling tears well up in her eyes. "I will always love you, no matter how old I become or what I go through, you are still my baby. Nothing will ever change my love for you."
"I love you too, mummy, no matter what happens. You are my mother and regardless of what you have done or will do, I love you all the same. Be happy, mummy. I don't want you to be sad anymore."
Helena pulled Christina into a tight embrace, a few tears making their way down her cheeks. "I wish I could have saved you from the pain of death."
"Don't blame yourself, mummy. You did everything you could, and you were there when I needed you." Christina certainly hoped that Helena would take that to heart and that it would help her heal. "Let Myka take care of you and help you. You aren't alone anymore."
Those four words resonated deeply with Helena and a half-sob escaped her lips. She'd felt so alone for so long, and she hated feeling alone. But she knew she wasn't alone anymore, she had Myka and her other friends there for her. "I will," she promised. Though Helena wasn't exactly good at letting others take care of her, but she could learn and she would let Myka help her when needed.
"Say hello to Myka for me, and tell her thank you for helping you." Christina said, resting her head on Helena's shoulder.
"I will let her know," Helena promised with a smile, rubbing Christina's back gently.
Without breaking the embrace, Christina pulled back enough to look into Helena's eyes and smiled warmly at her. "It was wonderful to see you again mummy. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. I'm glad I had this opportunity." Helena searched Christina's eyes, and committed the features of her face, her scent, the feel of her in her arms to her memory. Those were all things she'd nearly forgotten and she didn't want to forget them.
"Be happy, mummy. Live your life, and I will be here waiting for you." Christina gave Helena a warm, wide smile.
"Thank you, love. Be good, and I will see you again," Helena returned with a smile and one last squeeze.
And with that, Helena was returned to the castle. It took her a few moments to realize where she was and that Christina was once again only a memory that lived in her mind and heart. A gentle smile curved her lips, but she felt a deep emotional drain. She wanted to cry, to just let herself let it out and then move on. And instead of tucking it all away or handling it on her own, Helena did what she'd told Myka she would do. She went to Myka's room, giving her a silent look that had all of her emotions on display in it, and she went directly for Myka's bed. She needed to lay down. Myka could come in whenever she wanted, but right now, Helena got rid of her pants and bra and slid into the bed and she just let her emotions out and let herself ride the waves of them until she fell asleep.