InsaneJournal

OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* (darkforcerising) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-10-10 22:48:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, mara jade

Who: Anakin and Mara
What: Talking, because they have a lot to talk about
When: Wednesday Evening
Where: Castle Gardens
Rating/Warnings: Maybe some discussions of mature things like abuse and torture? Don’t know yet. Will update if necessary
Status: In progress/Closed

Anakin reached the spot they’d agreed upon and crossed him arms. He looked towards the fading sunset – he was fourteen years removed from Tatooine, and yet he still felt one sun was off putting.

He tried to calm his nerves. He’d trained for so long as a Jedi, this should come naturally. But his emotions were still sparks on edge, ready to crackle to life. He had nothing against Mara, in fact, what little he knew of her he liked. She was a strong personality, he could see how some might not like it, but he was not counted among them.

But she knew him, a version of him. Vader was still him, just his hatred and anger more amplified. Darker, more dangerous, damned. She knew him as someone complicit, if not actively apart of, the abuse of her early life. He couldn’t expect her to look past that, even though he’d yet to do those things.

He saw this meeting as more an opportunity to say they’d talked, and then they would leave it at that.

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lifeyoulive
2013-10-11 12:33 pm UTC (link)

This wasn't going to be the easiest of talks, Mara knew that. But to her, it would go far easier than her first talk with Jacen had gone. Mara was a few decades removed from her hatred of Vader and wanting to kill him so she could be Palpatine's apprentice. However, there was still that somewhat uneasy air between them. Mara didn't like uneasy, so she was wanting to try and make peace. Or at least put some things to rest. And she was fully aware that Anakin was from before he became Vader, she was taking that into consideration.

Never one to back down from anything, Mara headed off to the gardens to meet Anakin. She didn't have to search the Force for him, it was pretty impossible to miss Anakin's presences in the Force. It was still strange to her to feel his presence not completely tinged by hatred and anger, but she pushed it aside. Seeing Anakin already there and watching the fading sunset, she approached.

"Hello Anakin," she spoke in greeting. She wasn't entirely certain what to expect from this discussion, but she had hopes things would go relatively smoothly. At the very least, she hoped she wouldn't be punching Anakin like she had Jacen. That would qualify as a better talk, wouldn't it?

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darkforcerising
2013-10-12 10:35 am UTC (link)

Anakin would prefer not to be punched either. But that was really only his opinion on the subject.

He greeted Mara with the customary Jedi bow. “Good evening, Master Jade-Skywalker.” He said it with just a hint of amusement. Jedi of his time rarely had the opportunity to share last names. There was the case of a pair of siblings that had been somewhat older than Anakin when he first arrived at the temple. But it was very rare a family would be willing to give up more than one of their children to the Temple – families generally wanted to keep in touch with all members, but Jedi initiates severed all ties with their biological families. And Jedi didn’t have children of their own to continue their names.

Until Anakin broke all the rules.

He wasn’t sure where to start, so he let Mara chose the direction of the discussion.

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lifeyoulive
2013-10-13 01:52 am UTC (link)

[OOC: Trying this again ~~after calming down~~ as my internet ate my last attempt at tagging this askjdfhkajsdhf.]

Mara returned the bow, both out of formality and because the Anakin before her was still a Jedi. It was a bit odd getting used to Anakin's presence in the Force again. Well, technically he'd been Vader when she knew him, so it was a bit of an adjustment to not feel him being so Dark. But at least he was a Jedi currently. She could definitely handle Anakin being a Jedi far, far easier than she'd been able to handle Jacen, well, existing. Jacen had been in that tumultuous middle ground with strong leanings towards the Dark Side. Anakin had no such leanings in his presences, so Mara did take comfort in that.

"I have to say, it is a bit of an adjustment to your Force presence being far less angry and hate-filled than the last time I felt it. And I know you said we didn't have to do this, but we are family and family is important to me." Mara was looking forward to seeing what relationship they could forge here. She did wish Luke was here as well, even Ben, but she would more than make do with what she had here. Being here with Anakin was like a breath of fresh air compared to having been around Jacen for so long.

"I do want to get to know you apart from who I knew when I was growing up." While Vader hadn't had many direct interactions with her, Mara still knew him by reputation and what she'd hear from others. Just because she'd despised Vader didn't mean she despised Anakin, which was a really strange way to look at things, but Mara had become good at separating the Sith from the person she was confronted with. Though it had been infinitely more difficult to do that in Jacen's case.

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darkforcerising
2013-10-14 07:45 am UTC (link)

“Alright,” Anakin accepted Mara’s un-coerced participation in this. As long as this was something she wanted...

“Do you want to stand, walk or sit?” He knew what he’d prefer in what order – walking, standing, sitting. He assumed he would not change that when he took the plunge into the Dark Side. He’d always had trouble with inaction. But if Mara insisted on sitting, he would agree to that.

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lifeyoulive
2013-10-20 03:01 am UTC (link)

"Walk," came Mara's simple response. While she wasn't necessarily opposed to standing or sitting, Mara did, currently prefer to be moving. There was something about this place that made her antsy. Okay so it was the fact there wasn't a constant threat of doom hanging over the place that made her antsy. She never did well when she didn't have something to focus on. Picking a direction, Mara began to walk.

"I know you are aware of who I am and the things I went through growing up under Palpatine's guidance. And I do have to be honest and say I hated Vader. I may have wished more than once to kill him so I could be Palpatine's apprentice. That said, I have put it behind me. It has been decades for me since that time, and I have made my peace with it. So I want you to understand that." She looked up at Anakin. She was short, standing just shy of 5'3", so she was certainly a dwarf next to Anakin. Mara felt it was necessary for Anakin to understand her view on things. Yes she still may harbor some anger and hate for things she'd been put through in her early life, but the fact of the matter was these things needed to be said.

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darkforcerising
2013-10-20 10:03 am UTC (link)

Anakin fell in step next to Mara.

He did not like hearing people separate himself from his future actions. He felt it severed him from his responsibilities for those future actions. Anakin Skywalker would choose to join Palpatine, embrace the Dark Side and fall, and then once there he would choose to commit many terrible acts that could not be numbered there would be so many. Vader was the new name he would use, but the person behind each name was the same person, just at one point in his life he would choose to do evil.

From many long arguments, Anakin knew Obi-Wan liked to think of them as two separate, distinct people, he suspected doing so just made it easier for people to reconcile what would happen. But to him, it wasn’t the truth. He would be Vader, Vader would be him. And separating him from Vader denied the existence of the part of him that could come back.

Not that once he’d reached the point of his confrontation with Obi-Wan there would be much to come back to. It was too late at that point. But it was still him.

“I don’t consider myself separate from Vader,” he said. “By now, I am accustomed to hearing how much people hate me. And that was expected of you, that’s how Sith are, to become one officially you need to assume the place of one of the two already existing. You can wait for one to die, or kill one at take their spot. It’s how apprentices become Masters, and how Masters weed out the apprentices that simply don’t meet their requirements. Your loathing of me was all part of Palpatine’s manipulation.”

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lifeyoulive
2013-10-20 06:38 pm UTC (link)

Mara well knew one couldn't separate the Sith from the Jedi. After all, despite viewing Jacen and Caedus as two different people, she still knew Jacen was Caedus just as much as Anakin was Vader. But Mara was unique in her position for she, too, was once on the Dark Side. She had not been Sith, but she still knew what it was to commit horrible acts and have them follow you yet people were willing to forgive and look past them.

"As well you shouldn't, I know you and Vader are one and the same. Likewise the woman I am now and the Emperor's Hand are also one and the same. One cannot be judged as a whole because for every horrible thing you did as Vader, there was something good you did while you were Anakin. It's about the life you live, not the legacy you leave." There was a distinct difference there, though she knew Anakin's darkness lay ahead of him while Mara's was behind her. "That is the fundamental purpose of the Dark Side, of the Sith, to breed hate and contempt. There is no reverence for life, only a lust for power and domination. In theory, only the strongest and most powerful rise to become a Sith Master. Palpatine was an excellent manipulator, I can see why he rose to Sith Master and became Emperor."

There was a brief feeling that this talking about Palpatine would make him appear here. After all, his ghost had shown up to haunt Mara in Lawrence. And before that, she'd had to deal with his clone in their own galaxy. It did seem that Palpatine would tend to pop up anywhere and everywhere he possibly could. There was a good reason that his Sith name was Darth Sidious.

"But back to my first point, the good and bad things we have done must be judged separately. So in a way, that makes both sides of us somewhat separate from each other. When I look at you, I can separate what you did as Vader from what you did as Anakin because I need to do that for myself."

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darkforcerising
2013-10-22 09:43 am UTC (link)

“I’m not sure there’s anything I’ve done that can balance destroying an entire planet,” he said dryly. A part of him did understand and appreciate what Mara was saying, though. Hard to accept though it was.

“I won’t presume to tell you how you should view me. I respect your position. I just don’t wish to be excused from the things I’ve done, or will do. I am from right before I make the decision to join Palpatine. If he had been here at the time of my arrival, I would have followed him. Master Obi-Wan chooses to see that as a good thing, for I’ve chosen not to continue down the path to the Dark Side. However, I feel, because I’d all but vocalized my decision, I should shoulder the bl- some of the blame.” He only hesitated to add ‘some’ because he would have omitted it completely. But he’d had enough arguments with Obi-Wan on the subject to make him at least consider relinquishing some of his hold on that blame.

“I may have made a different choice here, but nothing I choose here will mitigate what I do back in our universe. And I had my heart set on accepting those atrocities as a price for what I wanted at the time when I arrived here.”

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lifeyoulive
2013-10-23 11:21 pm UTC (link)

Mara couldn't, and wouldn't, argue that point. There was very little, if anything, that could make up for destroying an entire planet. However, she did appreciate Anakin explaining himself. One never could completely separate themselves from their Dark Side personas. Mara still carried some of hers around, she knew it and it wasn't something she could get rid of either, not completely.

"Holding the blame, at least in part, does speak to the man you choose to be here. Yes choices made here have no bearing on what transpires back home. But at the same time, it is what we do in the present moment that counts. I rather think being here makes things that much more convoluted. We know what happens when we are returned home. You will choose to join Palpatine and I will, well, be dead. But for the time being, you are not the man that will do the things Vader did. Yes, you had all but vocalized your decision, but upon arriving here, you obviously changed your mind. I think there is something to be said for that. Despite the choice being made in your mind, you still brought yourself back from that when you arrived here." It was certainly commendable, and Mara recognized that. Anakin still had the presence of mind and the fortitude to change his mind after arriving here. Of course, Mara had no idea who had been here upon Anakin's arrival save the fact Palpatine was not here. Anakin still could have chosen the Dark Side here even without having a Master to teach him.

"That said, I do not think you should completely disregard what will happen when you return home. Likewise I cannot forget that the blood of Jedi is on my hands. I do admit being around those of you from the Old Order brings back that guilt."

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	darkforcerising 2013-10-25 03:10 am UTC (link)
	“I don’t know how much that guilt is yours,” Anakin pointed out. “You were very young when Palpatine took you away from your family, you were not raised with equal opportunity to choose a different life. It seems the blame rests on Palpatine’s shoulders, not yours. I don’t think any of us from the Old Order would see it any other way.” (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lifeyoulive
2013-10-25 06:20 am UTC (link)

"That is true I didn't have that opportunity, but even when I was on the Dark Side I still had compassion. I did not always kill the marks I was given." Mara explained. "I had the capacity to still make the choice. Sometimes I would spare their lives, others I chose to kill. Perhaps that is Palpatine's doing and my upbringing, but the fact of the matter is, I was fully capable of making the choice." Despite being an assassin for Palpatine, not even being raised on the Dark Side of the Force could completely squelch her capacity for compassion for others.

That thought gave Mara pause momentarily as something Obi-Wan had told her clicked. "Master Kenobi has a point, perhaps my tendency always was to the Light Side." It certainly seemed that way as she reflected back on that. Of course, hindsight was always 20/20, but things also sometimes made a lot more sense that way.

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darkforcerising
2013-10-27 12:33 am UTC (link)

Anakin was silent for some time. He heard Mara’s resolution to not be persuaded from her own guilt, Anakin had that same resolve and didn’t give in when Obi-Wan pushed him to let it go. Somehow he just knew Mara would be the same. There was no use arguing that with her.

“Ahh,” Anakin noted. “I see you’ve already spoken to Master Obi-Wan. And you both seem to have survived, that’s commendable.”

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lifeyoulive
2013-10-27 03:19 am UTC (link)

Mara couldn't help but let out a laugh at Anakin's comment. "We have indeed spoken. He didn't denounce me and the New Jedi Order either." She smirked a bit up at Anakin. "Though I admit there have may been a moment when I wanted to strangle him, but I refrained from such action. Keeping the peace and all of that."

The smirk turned into a bit of a smile. "We actually had quite the conversation, I have to say. I wasn't actually expecting our first conversation to be that in-depth. But I think he and I can very much co-exist peacefully. For the most part."

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darkforcerising
2013-10-31 08:36 am UTC (link)

“That reaction to Master Obi-Wan is not unusual. He means well, but he’s very stubborn and set in his way of thinking – he is right and it is everyone else who is wrong.”

Oh, how many times had Anakin butted heads with his former Master and that frustrated.

“But I am glad you did not strangle him, and that you have found a way to live peacefully together under the same roof. He is my mentor and without him I’m not as good a person as I ought to be.”

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lifeyoulive
2013-11-01 12:57 am UTC (link)

"At least I didn't have a reaction to him that was out of the ordinary," Mara quipped. She had picked up quickly on the fact that Obi-Wan was rather set in his beliefs. Yet despite that, she'd had a pleasant conversation with the man. Though perhaps that had something to do with the fact she held the rank of Jedi Master and wasn't a Knight.

"Fear not, I will not do any harm to him. Though if he decides that both myself and the New Jedi Order are just completely heretical to what the Code means, then things might be different."

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darkforcerising
2013-11-01 10:32 am UTC (link)

“I haven’t figured out what he thinks for sure yet. We had off-shoot schools of thought in our time. Heretics, Master Yoda labeled them. They were quiet, usually passed detection because they didn’t bring a lot of attention to themselves. Master Obi-Wan was raised to believe their way of thinking was as good as courting your imminent fall. I don’t think he appreciated it when I pointed out all the Jedi Palpatine courted and turned from the Order, and then compared that to the list of none from the Heretics.”

Anakin walked a few steps in silence.

“It’s hard to let go of what you think you must do to be a good person, especially when you don’t want to harm someone.”

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lifeyoulive
2013-11-03 04:18 am UTC (link)

"I doubt he would appreciate such a thing, but when it comes down to it, causing a Jedi from the Order to Fall has far more merits to it than making one from the so-called Heretical Jedi Fall." Mara did agree with that statement. "Making a Jedi Fall to the Dark Side only solidified how powerful Palpatine was as a Sith Lord, and power is everything to the Sith. Well, power among other things, but power is certainly very high on the list."

Mara nodded a bit. "It is not easy, nor is it easy to let go of how you were raised and take on another set of beliefs. That is only something you can do when you are ready to undertake such a thing. No one else can force you into it, it is a choice only you yourself can make." Which was why she wasn't going to continually bombard Obi-Wan with the fact it was perfectly fine to have attachments to people. That's not how embracing a new way of thinking went.

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