Siri Tachi (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} neverlosefocus) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} makebelievelog, |
He was right. They’d made their choice all those years ago, and it had been the right one. She didn’t regret it. Had never regretted it. But... the feelings they’d agreed to set aside had never gone away. Not for her. She’d learned to live with them and let them go as much as she could. But it had been less let go and more deny. And it seemed... he’d not been able to either. Not entirely. Not if he was so concerned about breaking their deal. She’d thought he’d managed it far easier than she had. But she was wrong. This... she’d been so wrong. She’d been fully aware of the fact that she still... (loved him) cared a great deal for him, more than she should. But that he could... that he might still feel the same way... affected her in a way that she knew was wrong and decidedly un-Jedi-like but made her heart flutter in her chest anyway.
And since her sudden return to life she’d found herself... wondering. Wondering if maybe this wasn’t some sort of second chance. She was still a Jedi; she was always a Jedi. Her loyalty to the Order hadn’t faded simply because of her death. But now... She didn’t know. She just didn’t know. There were questions, and doubt... and feelings. Could they be both? Was it possible? She wanted it to be. Thought it could be, but maybe that was just her wanting it so desperately to be so.
But she could not, WOULD not, cause him pain, or push him towards something he wasn’t yet ready for or was uncomfortable with. Something that even she wasn’t sure of (or so she told herself). “Neither am I,” she told him quietly. It was the truth. “But if you need... space. Time...” She could give him that. No matter how much it would hurt her. She could hide it easily enough.