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OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* ([info]darkforcerising) wrote in [info]makebelievelog,
@ 2013-07-15 11:14:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:anakin skywalker, siri tachi

Who: Anakin Sr. and Siri
What: Having The Talk not the one about the birds and the bees, the one about falling to the Dark Side
When: Sunday afternoon-ish
Where: Anakin’s workroom in the castle
Rating/Warnings: Discussions of evil, murder
Status: In progress/Closed


Through the Force, Anakin felt Siri approach before she appeared in the open door to his workroom. She didn’t feel purposeful, he had no indication she intended to seek him out. It seemed this meeting would be accidental. All the same, he was nervous, though he knew they would talk eventually. Even the peaceful atmosphere of his workroom couldn’t calm the rising tension in his shoulders.

Outwardly, the room was anything but harmonious. There seemed to be no method to the madness that was piles of electronic and mechanical parts, to the bits and pieces, screws and other fasteners, the wires and plugs that littered the floor between the haphazard piles. The room, once a set of living quarters, now granted to him by the castle staff for his own personal use, looked like the chaotic junk yard Qui-Gon had found him in.

But inwardly, in the Force, the room was quiet, still, juxtaposition against the mess that oddly felt natural and right to someone trained by the Jedi. This was the room Anakin used for meditation. Not the forms most Jedi employed, sitting or standing still while they opened themselves fully to the Force. Anakin’s own personal style included movement – working on some bit of machinery or droid while he let his mind drift on the Force. Things always made more sense, felt more right, when he was fixing or putting together something than when he tried to stay complete still. He knew the whispers about him at the Temple, amongst the Knights and Masters regarding this particular habit of his, an indication of attachment, they said, a hint of his Dark Side tendencies. But they didn’t know, or they didn’t want to accept, the truth was, during the war, the only time he felt calm in that raging storm was when he spent the time between campaigns in the hanger bay, working on his assigned starfighter.

Or when he was with Padmé, but that was a thousand steps below odd meditation techniques.

If Siri was going to confront him about his future misdeeds, this was the room to do it in.

Just before Siri’s form appeared in the door frame he set his tools next to his current project and waited, resigned that this discussion was going to happen.



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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-07-15 02:46 am UTC (link)
Since Obi-Wan had told her what Anakin would do, Siri had taken to avoiding the younger Jedi. She’d contacted him once, to ask a question out of necessity. Not in person; it had been easier to play the part and hide... everything that way. But she had asked, and hidden away all that she felt. She knew that he wasn’t the one who had done all those things... but there was a point, someday in the future... when he would. And he would kill Obi-Wan. That was one of the hardest pieces of information to deal with. The thought that she should have been there, should be there, beside him refused to be pushed aside. It didn’t help the already considerable guilt mixed in with everything else she was feeling.

There was no wonder she slept as little as she did. Meditation helped, at times, but it was not a balm for everything. And it wasn’t a balm for this.

She didn’t mean to find his workshop. She hadn’t planned on finding his workshop. She had known that she wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever, but she hadn’t thought it would be quite this soon. Siri froze in the doorway, her hand gripping the frame tightly. She didn’t want to do this now.

“Anakin.”

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-15 08:23 am UTC (link)
Anakin stood, stepping away from the table where he was working to give the older Jedi his proper attention. He respected her, as much as Anakin respected anyone, but they had never been particularly close. His jealousy of Olin had something to do with that, at least on Anakin's end.

“Master Tachi,” he greeted with a slight bow. “Padmé helped you, I see?”

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-07-16 01:09 am UTC (link)
It was difficult, reconciling the man standing in front of her with the man who would go on to do such horrible things. Reconciling the Anakin that she knew with what she had been told he would do. Obi-Wan’s words from the celebration echoed through her mind, his desire for her to not punish the man here for what he hadn’t yet done. And she wanted to, she wanted so very much to be able to let it go. If nothing else, for Obi-Wan. But he was the very reason she was having such a difficult time. She inclined her head. “She did, yes.”

She indicated what he had been working on with a tilt of her chin. “Don’t drop everything on my account. I’m not-” Siri cut herself off. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-16 02:30 am UTC (link)
“It’s not important.” Anakin wasn’t lying. He would prefer working on his project, but it wasn’t necessary.

He knew this was his chance to escape, he could return to his work and Siri would most likely leave. They could avoid having this conversation now. But that was cowardly. He could feel through the Force the mixture of her emotions. They were going to reach the pinnacle of her need to confront him, whether it happened sooner or later wouldn't change that the outcome.

“You should say it- what you want to say to me.”

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-07-16 04:11 am UTC (link)
“I don’t want to say anything,” was her sharp reply. “I don’t know what to say.” They were going to do this now; no matter how much she longed to put it off a little longer. What did she say to him? How could she find the words to say anything at all? But she would have to try. She would not do this again. So she forced herself to speak.

“Obi-Wan told me what you’re going to do. And I just... I can’t-” The snarled, tangled knot of emotions that she’d tried her best to ignore, to deal with a piece at a time, only grew more snarled. “I’m trying so hard to let go. To deal with the fact that you’re not the Anakin that razed the Order to the ground. That killed Obi-Wan. Those aren’t actions that you’ve taken.”

It took every last bit of stubbornness she had to keep the emotion from her voice. And even then she didn’t succeed completely. “But you’re going to kill him.” She should have focused on the destruction of the Order. But she couldn’t. “And I don’t know how to accept that. I don’t know how to deal with that.” Her laugh was soft and mocking. “I haven’t even completely dealt with the fact that I don’t know what I am.” Her words were telling, more than she meant them to be, but she didn’t notice.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-16 03:34 pm UTC (link)
Anakin tried his best to do Siri the courtesy of looking her in the eye as she confronted him. And he managed until she brought up Obi-Wan’s future death a second time, then he looked away. Try as Obi-Wan might to tell Anakin he was not the same person who would destroy the Order, Anakin didn’t believe him. He thought more like Siri did. He was going to fulfill that prophecy.

“Yes,” he confirmed, at least he could give Siri that, he could own up to those choices he would make. “I will destroy the Order. And I will kill Master Obi-Wan.”

He shook his head slightly. “I don’t know how to accept it, either. I don’t think Master Obi-Wan’s approach is correct.”

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-07-17 08:27 am UTC (link)
“He’s a good man. One of the best I’ve known.” She should have been more careful with her words, but she didn’t care. “His first words after telling me were to defend you, to insist I not punish you for actions you haven’t taken.”

And Anakin owned up to the choices he would make. It wasn’t surprising, not exactly. But it struck her as notable, anyway. “His approach is, I have no doubt, valid to some degree. But I can’t see it. Not right now.” No, her emotions were too tangled, too snarled. The grief too new, its weight adding to the turmoil in her head. He couldn’t accept it, either. He couldn’t look her in the eye at the mention of his killing Obi-Wan, and he couldn’t accept it, either. She wanted so much for that to mean something.

“Would you do it now? Given the same choice... would you choose the same path?” Obi-Wan had said he wouldn’t... but she wanted to hear the words from him.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-17 02:15 pm UTC (link)
Anakin was already fully aware of Obi-Wan and Siri’s mutually denied emotions for each other. He hadn’t understood when he was younger, when Siri had died. But he understood now. Love came in many forms, not all of them uncontrollably consuming. He didn’t know how Obi-Wan could set his emotions aside like he did, but Anakin couldn’t pretend anymore his former Master was devoid of all emotion.

It was clear, though, Siri might be having a more difficult time pushing those emotions away. Her feelings and grief for Obi-Wan were taking precedence over the loss of the Order and the rise of the Sith. Anakin, however, was too experienced by now to point that out to her. The best he could do was not make it a focus of this conversation.

“No,” he could look her in the eye as he said this. “Absolutely not. I thought I was making the right decision, but that was because I believed Palpatine’s lies. I know they are lies now.” Every time he said this it felt pitifully insignificant to his ears. A few words, spoken with utter conviction though they were, could not fix what he would break, or erase the things he had done that had brought him running to Palpatine’s chambers that night.

“What would you have me do?” Though a question often asked out of petulance, and Anakin had be no stranger to such sullenness in his many years, he said it now with complete sincerity. What price did she require from him?

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-07-17 11:56 pm UTC (link)
Siri hadn’t had difficulties pushing what she felt for Obi-Wan away in ages. But her abrupt return to living, the knowledge of what would happen in the future, that the man standing in front of her would kill the man she... well, the man who was, and always would be, one of her closest friends... it was one more snarl in the morass that was her current emotional state. She could allow herself this one weakness. This one moment of feeling. Not that there was much choice. It was a simple fact that out of everything she had been told Anakin would do after falling to the Dark Side... his murder of Obi-Wan would be the hardest to forgive.

A fact she would admit to no one.

He looked her in the eye as he answered her question, and she exhaled unsteadily. He meant everything he said; the conviction behind his words was almost palpable. Was it enough? Could it possibly begin to make amends for the actions he hadn’t yet taken? She didn’t know. She wanted it to be.

“I don’t know, Anakin.”

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-18 01:45 pm UTC (link)
An awkward silence fell between them as Anakin waited for something more. The solution wasn’t his to pronounce; he shouldn’t be the arbiter of his own punishment.

Finally he gave a brief nod. “I will avoid you. It’s not my intent to make things more difficult for you here.”

He shifted where he stood, uncomfortable. “Just so you know, I spend my early mornings out around the lake. Then I’m at my job until early afternoons. For the rest of the day, if I’m not with Padmé, I’m here or in the north most stable. My schedule doesn’t often vary. It shouldn’t be too hard to keep away from each other. And I’ll do my best to stay out of your way.”

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-07-20 08:03 pm UTC (link)
Siri didn’t bother to hide her opinion of his plan. “That’s ridiculous Anakin. You’ll do no such thing. We’re here, together for the time being, and it makes no sense for us to avoid each other. That will only complicate things.” She might be completely unsure of how to deal with what she’d been told, but she would deal with things head on. The fact that Anakin’s plan would put Obi-Wan in an uncomfortable position only made the decision all the more reasonable.

“We’re just going to have to deal with things.” She could play the part. And if she was particularly lucky, dealing with everything that had been told to her, everything that she had been through, would become easier.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-21 12:40 pm UTC (link)
“It’s actually not as complicated as you’re making it seem. I’ve done it before in this place, for a number of individuals from home.” Leia, Galen, even for Obi-Wan when his former Master had been here before. He had not been from a mentally well point in time, just after Anakin’s fall and their confrontation. Anakin had reminded him of events yet to come, and it had just been kinder if he let Obi-Wan be.

“I’ve even learned how to quiet my presence in Force so that it’s not a constant annoyance to those who are Force sensitive.” Luke had shown him how to do that. His younger self had been taught it as well; Galen had a fit when the young boy had shown up. And it had proven a detriment to every adult that looked after Ani, because the boy used his new skill a time or two to slip off whenever he wanted. Anakin should probably warn Obi-Wan about that.

“It makes sense if it’s what you want. Or if it will make things easier for you here.”

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-07-22 02:49 am UTC (link)
“No, Anakin,” Siri told him. She would do nothing of the sort. “That isn’t what I want. The easier path isn’t the better one.” It wouldn’t do her any good to avoid him. No, she would simply have to deal with the tangle of emotions that the sight of him caused. No matter how much she would rather do otherwise. She wouldn’t take the easy way out and hurt Obi-Wan in the process.

“However, I’m interested in learning how to quiet my presence in the Force.” She wasn’t just facing her issues with him head-on... she was walking into the gundark’s nest of them. Perhaps it was foolish of her. But it might be useful; particularly if she was successful in finding a job with Mr. Dewitt’s private investigation firm.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-23 11:47 am UTC (link)
“Alright,” Anakin conceded. “But just because something is easier doesn’t mean it’s wrong.” He didn’t explain further, to do so would involve disparaging the Code. Jedi weren’t supposed to pause and feel sorrow. Sorrow was a sign of attachment, and Jedi were always supposed to endeavor to remove themselves from attachments. But emotions happened; sometimes feeling them wasn’t a want but a need before you were well again. The Code couldn’t accommodate for such a thing. Siri was a Jedi, he couldn’t say something like that to her.

“If you want to learn that, I can show you.”

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[info]neverlosefocus
2013-08-02 06:37 am UTC (link)
“I never said it was, Anakin,” Siri told him, voice calm, but coloured with weariness. “It’s just not the path I feel I can take in this instance.” She wouldn’t – couldn’t allow herself to take the easy way. Not for this. Avoiding Anakin, letting him quiet his presence in the Force for her, would only let things fester. And that would make things worse.

“Yes. I want to.” It wasn’t a skill she had known about when she was alive, and learning it now... well, it seemed the proper thing to do. And perhaps it would help her find her way back to some sort of balance, this falling into somewhat familiar habits. Calm often eluded her, now, even during meditation.

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