Who: Faith and Anakin What: Faith's breakthrough/breakdown When: Sunday evening Where: River in the forest Rating/Warnings: PG-13 'cause it's Faith Status:Incomplete/Closed
To say Faith needed a break was an absolute understatement. She was still trying to come to grips with the fact that she had a mini of her running around, attempting to be a responsible adult by not killing and torturing, attending her lessons with Anakin and Buffy, and get a job, a friend of hers was sent home and on top of all of this the boy she had feelings for rejected her. And yet it was those last two things that had Faith all mixed up. She was beginning to wonder what the point of it all was. Why she was brought to the Land of Make Believe and what she needed to do now.
Originally she had thought that perhaps she was taken there to get better; to learn from her mistakes. She managed to make amends with Buffy - or at least the amends Faith was capable of. She still didn't trust herself around Buffy. She was beginning to think she never would. And to be honest, Faith wasn't sure if Buffy should ever really trust her; even if they had saved the world together. Why should anyone trust Faith?
Then there was the rejection. That rejection that always seemed to follow Faith and cloud her. Why was it that everyone Faith cared about or loved threw her away? Faith didn't understand why no matter how hard she tried, no one in the end wanted to get close to her. Not Buffy or the Scoobies, not her Watcher, not Duncan, not even her own mother wanted her. It's part of what made things so hard for Faith when it came to Mini-Faith. The smaller version of herself was so hopeful, so young still. Yet Faith knew what was in store for her. And while it couldn't touch the young one in the Land of Make Believe, Faith was afraid her very interaction with the girl would hurt her. And Duncan? What of him? Faith had actually let herself open up to him; even went so far as giving him gifts. She didn't get anything in return and she hadn't asked for it. But when push came to shove, there was nothing to follow through on because the feelings just weren't there. At least not for her. And that hurt Faith.
Frustrated, Faith just wanted to get away. She needed a break and she needed it now before that itch in the back of her mind got scratched and all she did was end up at square one again. So after convincing both Buffy and Anakin to let her go, Faith took Saturday and Sunday off and headed out to the forest. She hadn't ventured anywhere but the city. City was Faith's world. Any city really. Boston raised her, Sunnydale destroyed her, L.A. began to repair her. Faith was a city girl through and through. Yet all the hard times seemed to happen in cities. So maybe she needed to give this great outdoors thing a chance. Faith packed up her things and headed out there.
At first the quiet was suffocating. But Faith practiced what Anakin had taught her and she wandered through the forest. She followed a river so she could find her way back to the city before Sunday ended. Throughout all of Saturday and a good portion of Sunday Faith just thought. She thought about her life and she thought about how far she had come. Through everything, Faith believed she had a chance to go either way. She had said it to Westley even while she tortured him. That if maybe they didn't treat her like the scum of the Earth, Faith could have turned out to be a real role model. All that rejection and what did anyone expect of her? Did they honestly think they could reject her and she'd just roll over? No. She fought back. And even then her fighting back made her the villain in the world's eyes. It all made Faith so angry that all she had to fight back the urge of going on a destructive rampage, starting with Duncan.
But of course she didn't do that. She couldn't do that. If she did to Duncan what she did to Westley, she was sure if not Buffy then Anakin would be after her to put her in her place. Then again, maybe Buffy would finally give Faith what she waned since arrival to the Land of Make Believe; what she wanted from Angel back in L.A. even: her death. First thing Faith did when she saw Buffy was tell the woman to kill her and put her out of her misery. Yet, like Angel, Buffy didn't do it. Sometimes Faith wondered if this was another game or punishment the "good guys" came up with for her. Like, 'let's emotionally torture the girl through rejection and hate, make her the villain and then when she can't take it anymore and just wants it to end we'll make her live through it and suffer some more.' Somewhere deep down Faith knew that wasn't the case. But after the time she had in the Land of Make Believe she couldn't help but feel that way.
It was getting near the end of Sunday when Faith realized she should pack up and start heading back. But she didn't want to. She knew she would eventually. After all, she promised both Anakin and Buffy she would be there for Monday's training session. But despite having the need to return to her current hole in the wall, she couldn't make her muscles move.
So instead, Faith laid on her back next to the river and stared up at the sky for a little longer. Maybe she could just finish the day out in the fores and head straight to the castle for the training before going home. After all, Faith considered, the castle was probably closer to where she was than the apartment she was squatting in.