InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "MONDAIS SUCK"

Carol Peletier (notmylittlegirl) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-05-13 14:58:00

Entry tags:

carol peletier, daryl dixon

Who: Carol and Daryl
What: He got her a Mother's Day flower.
When: (Backdated!) Sunday May 12th
Where: Daryl's room
Rating/Warnings: Possible PG13 for Daryl's mouth, but I don't expect much that's bad
Status: Closed/Complete

Carol had been thinking about Sophia since she realized Mother's Day was approaching. She thought about her daughter a lot. She missed her. She still wished, at times, that she could trade places with Sophia. If her daughter had the chance at a life and she had had to lay down her's she would have done it in a heartbeat. She didn't have the chance to do that, though. She would never get the chance to switch that out. She had slowly gotten used to the fact that her daughter was gone. It was an emptiness that she would probably never fill. There would always be a place right in the center of her heart that would always be Sophia's place. And everyone else came in around that spot. She had room for others, but she would never forget her daughter. She would never move completely passed it. It was unnatural for a mother to lose their child. She had heard people say this very thing in the past, but she had never realized how true it was, or the full meaning, until it had happened to her.

Carol was prepared for a day where she kept to herself. She was prepared for a day where she thought about Sophia off and on the entire day. She was prepared to just sort of stay in her room all day. Other than the occasional trip to get something she might need.

She was actually going to go get some food when she found it. The flower that was taped there was immediately recognizable. She knew what it was immediately. And she knew who it was from before she even took a look at the note. Her eyes went over the note anyway and tears sprang to her eyes. They weren't tears of sadness. They were tears because she was touched by this sweet, thoughtful action. Daryl still managed to surprise her. She couldn't believe that he had even thought about her today, but she was touched.

Carol lingered in the doorway for several moments. She didn't so much make her mind up on what she wanted to do as she just acted. She took off, moving quickly down the hall. There was nothing going through her mind. She didn't know what she wanted to do, or what she was going to do until she reached his door. And she knocked. She didn't knock politely. She didn't knock like a normal person, there was a bit of an urgency to it. "Daryl, it's Carol." She called out, hoping that he was there.

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littledixon
2013-05-13 10:13 pm UTC (link)

Of course he was there. He had been thinking about Sophia too. More than once while they had been part of that little camp outside of Atlanta, he had caught a glimpse of Sophia, Carl, and those Hispanic kids whose names he could no longer remember drawing away. He remembered just the briefest moment of Sophia running up to Carol with some drawing or another. At the time, he had scoffed and muttered about it being pathetic more than likely, but now, he couldn't help but wonder what exactly she had drawn and whether she would have drawn something similar for Carol on a day like today.

Sophia wasn't his. Hell, one of the last conversations he had with the girl had ended with him making her cry. It wasn't like they had ever bonded or gotten along, but he had been so sure that he could locate that little girl that being wrong had done something to him. It had changed him. For a while there, it had been for the worse, but Carol had managed to peel away those hardened layers again just as she had done before, and now, here they were. In some fucked up fairy tale land that made little to no sense, and he was stuck thinking of that little girl as he walked from here to the university to help out Anakin as other little girls walked down the street and gushed over this gift or that gift they had managed to get their mothers.

That would be something that Carol would never hear again. So, yes, when the Cherokee Roses had begun to bloom around the outskirts of the castle, he'd picked one. Maybe it was more for himself than for her, but he knew that if he was thinking of Sophia, than Carol was too. Definitely more-so than he was. He pushed himself off of the bed and walked over to the door of the quarters that he shared with Saya. His eyes flickered to her door, wondering if she was in there or not, before he moved to open it. His eyes took in Carol's appearance in front of him for a moment before he found it within him to speak.

"Hey," he whispered. "You alright?"

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notmylittlegirl
2013-05-14 01:25 am UTC (link)

Carol was relieved when the door was opened. She had been half afraid that he wouldn't be home. She really was not sure what she would have done had his room mate answered and not him. That would have been incredibly awkward, but she didn't have to deal with that. Seeing Daryl standing there she felt relieved. Seeing him actually made her feel a little better in the moment.

Now that she was here she wasn't quite sure what she was going to do, though. She had just needed to see him, desperately. And now that she could see him, she wasn't sure what she should do.

The one thing that she knew she wanted to do was that she wanted to thank him. She wanted to tell him how much the flower meant to her, but what came tumbling out of her mouth was an answer to the question that she hadn't even realized that he had asked. "Better now." She lifted the flower and note up, as if he didn't know that he had left them there for her. And before she could even think to say anything else she moved forward and threw her arms around him in a hug.

"Thank you for the flower."

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littledixon
2013-05-14 02:20 am UTC (link)

Daryl stiffened only for a moment under Carol's unexpected embrace. He let go of the door, letting it hover in the place he had left it on its hinges, as he slowly wrapped his arms around her. He had known why she was here the second he had heard her voice. Of course he had. That had been the whole point of the delivery, right? To let her know that if she needed him, he was there for her, and she was here so that could only mean that she needed. So, as uncertain and partially uncomfortable as he was in her embrace, he accepted it without question.

"Wish I could do more," he told her softly, being completely honest in that moment. His eyes flickered to Saya's door once more, and he finally pulled back from the hug to look down at her. He nodded back toward his room. "C'mon," he muttered as he put a hand on her back to guide her inside as he used his other hand to shut the door behind them. He led her to his room and didn't say anything until that second door was shut as well.

"What d'ya need me to do?" And he meant the question genuinely. He wanted to do whatever he could to try to make this day just a little less painful for Carol, whatever that meant to her.

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notmylittlegirl
2013-05-14 03:47 am UTC (link)

Carol didn't even care that Daryl had his characteristic reaction to being touched. He couldn't do sweet things like leave her a flower on a day when he knew she'd be having difficulties and then not expect her to come and give him a hug. Or not to come to him at all. Of course she had to come and see him. It might help to be with him rather than alone, either way she was sure that she would think about her daughter.

"You already did a lot." And she meant it too. He had thought to do something sweet for her and it did mean a lot to her. She let go of him as he pulled back from the hug and automatically walked with him into the room that was his. She didn't even notice the worry about his room mate, really. She was just sort of in her own world at the moment.

"I don't know. Just doing this," She held the flower up and looked at it, "And being here is good." Carol brought a hand up to her face, thinking about Sophia, him, and everything. "Sophia used to pick me flowers. Never anything like this, mostly dandelions, but she used to pick me flowers all the time, even on Mother's Day." She didn't know why she was telling him this, but there it was.

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littledixon
2013-05-14 04:37 am UTC (link)

Daryl watched her for a moment before he moved over to his bed to sit down. His elbows came to rest on his knees as he intertwined his fingers and dropped his chin on the bridge that they farmed. His eyes continued to watch her from his position until he let out a breath of air. "She seemed like the type," he admitted, not really being surprised by the little tidbit of information that Carol decided to share with him, as brief as it was. "She was a good kid." Daryl wasn't sure if it was right for him to say that considering how he hadn't really known her at all by the time she died, but he felt the need to point it out anyway. From what he had seen, she had been a good kid. Better than he ever was, which Carol was unfortunately finding out for herself nowadays.

"C'mere," he said, dropping his hands as he nodded for her to join him on the bed. "What else did she used t'do?"

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notmylittlegirl
2013-05-14 06:09 pm UTC (link)

Sophia had been a sweet little girl. Carol had done her damnedest to protect Sophia from her father, and she had succeeded, luckily enough. Carol felt guilty at times about the life that she had brought her daughter into, though. She had brought her into an awful family situation, but Carol also hadn't felt like there were options at that point either. She had been scared.

She was glad that Ed had been taken, but she still wondered if the price for him being taken out of their lives was Sophia. Carol didn't know if god was that cruel, though. She had to hope not.

"She really was." Carol didn't even think as she moved to sit next to Daryl on the bed, it was just automatic. She trusted him and knew that he wouldn't hurt her or anything. "Pictures, she'd draw me pictures all the time, especially on Mother's Day. And before everything happened every night since she learned how to read she'd read books before bed. Didn't have anything good for her to read after the outbreak, though."

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littledixon
2013-05-15 12:11 am UTC (link)

Even as Carol as if she were talking about someone that was still alive, Daryl could see the pain in her eyes. He watched her for a moment as she sat next to him before he moved to stare down at his lap. He wondered if those walls, that strength, had always been there or if that was something she was putting forth especially for him. Then again, this was the woman that had managed to somehow bounce back from losing her daughter while he had been left falling apart after failing to fulfill his promise to her. He had failed her more than he'd ever failed himself, and she had lost more than he'd ever known, but she'd been the one to keep it together. Where did all of that strength come from?

"Carol, stop it," he said softly, gently, as he finally turned his face to look at her again. He hesitated a moment before he reached out to run a hand up her back to her shoulder and squeeze it gently. "You ain't gotta be strong 'round me."

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notmylittlegirl
2013-05-15 06:15 pm UTC (link)

Ed didn't like it when Carol cried. Not that that had ever stopped her, but part of Carol tried to keep tears in anymore. In the world they were from you had to be strong. In the world they were from Mother's Day had been a thing of the past. They had lost track of days and months, somewhat. Dale had been right about keeping time, though Carol hadn't realized it when he had first said anything, truthfully.

Carol could handle quite a bit at this point. She could handle so much that was thrown at her, but this was still a sore subject, her daughter. She had dealt with it. Or maybe she had just compartmentalized it, either way she had been functioning. She needed to continue going on no matter how hard it was.

Hearing the soft command Carol looked up at Daryl with shining eyes. His words were probably some of the sweetest she'd ever heard today. And they sort of opened the floodgate. The tears spilled over and Carol let out a little bit of a sound. "I didn't....know how hard today would be." She admitted with a shaky voice, reaching up to wipe at her tears. "I miss her, Daryl."

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littledixon
2013-05-16 03:06 am UTC (link)

When the tears started to fall, Daryl felt his jaw tighten, but he didn't move away from her. He shifted closer, bringing his other hand to her back as well so that he could rub both of her shoulder gently, comfortingly, in the only way that he knew how. He wasn't exactly an expert on comfort, but he knew he had to try. Carol deserved that much, and he could see how much she was hurting even as she tried to stay strong. If she could try to stay strong for him, then he could try to be just a little vulnerable for her, even if just for today.

"I know you do," he whispered. He was sitting slightly behind her now, one leg bent so that he could reach her shoulders a little easier, and it left his mouth just a few inches from her ear. "Wherever you lil' girl is... I really b'lieve that she's happy. Ya oughta know that, too."

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notmylittlegirl
2013-05-16 06:23 am UTC (link)

Carol was a little surprised, but in a good way, at the way Daryl was handling her breakdown at the moment. She was surprised that he was okay with her being here, anyway. The note and everything. Daryl was still managing to surprise her even after knowing him for some time. He probably always would, and it never seemed to be in a bad way.

And he was doing pretty well on the comforting front too. The rubbing of her shoulders definitely felt good. It was definitely something that her former husband had never done for her, even before things had taken a turn.

"I know, I know she's in a good place. And she's not suffering or wanting for anything." Carol told the man sitting behind her as she wiped at her eyes again. "I just feel like I failed as a mother somehow sometimes because I'm still here and she's not."

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littledixon
2013-05-16 12:35 pm UTC (link)

Daryl stared at her face for a long moment after she spoke, and his hands stilled on her shoulders as he took in her words. "You didn't," he said gently. "Hey." That word was said with a bit more conviction as he lifted his hand off of her shoulder to reach out for her face. He gently turned her face toward him, forcing her to look at him, as he repeated himself, "You didn't. Ya hear me? You were the best damn mother that lil' girl coulda hoped for. Don't ya doubt that for a second."

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notmylittlegirl
2013-05-17 02:58 am UTC (link)

Carol could hear him just fine. That didn't mean that deep down she didn't feel as if he were wrong about it. Carol's eyes went to his face as he turned her face toward him. Her cheeks were shining from the tears that had fallen and her eyes were still watery. Carol nodded at his words, her throat feeling somewhat tight. And unable to help herself she turned so that she was facing him, and for the second time, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his shoulder. "Thank you."

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littledixon
2013-05-17 05:10 am UTC (link)

Daryl didn't flinch or hesitate this time. His arms just wrapped around her trembling frame as he held her to him, his chin coming to rest on top of her head. On any other day, he may have hesitated in letting something like this happen, letting such a vulnerable and physical moment take place, but today wasn't any other day. Today was a day that he had known would be hard for her, and Daryl just wanted to do the right thing and be there for her in whatever capacity that she needed him. And right now, she needed him to just be there and hold her, so he would.

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