Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievelog, @ 2013-04-26 19:56:00 |
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Entry tags: | anakin skywalker, h.g. wells, myka bering, padme amidala |
Who: Anakin, Padmé, Myka and Helena
What: Having a discussion about Ickle Helena.
When: This evening
Where: The Wells-Bering residence
Warnings: TBA but will put a low to medium rating on it. Will update as necessary
Status: Closed/Incomplete
While Helena was in a better mood than she had been, she wasn't completely back to herself yet. She was still weighed down by the talk she'd had with her younger self a couple weeks prior. It was never easy to rehash unsavory parts of one's past, and Helena had told the girl everything from Christina's death up to what had happened at Yellowstone. The term "monster" was still resonating within her mind. No matter what anyone told her, Helena knew she had been a monster. She'd taken life without a care. She'd tortured the men who had killed her daughter and had taken pleasure in it. Even though she was no longer in that dark place, Helena knew it was forever part of her. Under the right circumstances, she knew she could so easily fall back into that person, become that cold, calculating murderer once more. It was an ever-present fear of hers that that darkness could overtake her again. That was one of the many reasons she needed Myka. Myka was her balance. Without her, Helena could not face the pain she carried within her.
Despite knowing that the discussion with Anakin and Padmé was needed, Helena was partially dreading it. She was afraid of learning just what damage she'd done to her younger self, of learning how deep her younger self's anger and hate would run. It was necessary and she would listen to what Anakin and Padmé had to say about things, but that didn't lessen the fear within her. As much as Helena always separated herself from the ten year old, in this respect she couldn't separate them at all. The girl was the manifestation of her doubts and fears, the demons that would whisper in her ear when she was alone. It would be difficult, but she would get through this. It was something that they couldn't avoid. And she needed to know details about her younger self so she could know how better to help.
After getting home from her shift at work, Helena had showered, then sat on the couch with her notebook and just wrote. As she had done when she'd written The War of the Worlds, Helena was largely venting the emotions she felt within. Helena had no idea where the tale she was inscribing on the page would go, but for now she was merely using her pen as the tool to try and release what she felt in her heart. She'd told Myka about the talk after arranging the time and place with Anakin and Padmé. She wasn't really paying attention to what time it was, Helena was merely just trying to lose her mind in what she was writing, trying to distract herself as best as she could before she needed to confront issues that she had tried her best to avoid discussing as much as possible of late. But in the back of her mind, she knew at any moment she would hear a knock at the door or Myka would come join her. Either way, she wouldn't be able to avoid things much longer.