InsaneJournal

Who: Anakin Skywalker and Padmé Amidala-Skywalker
What: Fluff. Deciding they want to try to have a baby. More fluff.
When: (backdated) Christmas morning
Where: Their rooms
Rating/Warnings: Fluff, mild sexual innuendo
Status: Complete

Anakin was sitting next to Padmé on the couch in the living room. She had convinced him to put on the orange with purple accents lumpy sweater that mysterious Santa fellow had left him. (He was still concerned about how someone could sneak into their rooms while they slept and leave gifts without him even realizing it, though Padmé tried to assure him it was nothing to worry about.) But, he had to admit the sweater was comfortable, if somewhat garish in coloring. And he would never say this outloud, at least not just now, but in a way, the off-putting combination of colors and the visual texture of the sweater reminded him of Obi-Wan or at least something the man would favor wearing. So he supposed he couldn’t resent Santa Claus so much.

His younger self had retreated into his own little world discovering the uses of the things he and Padmé had given him (though it was mostly Padmé, for the most part he simply just agreed with what she wanted to get the boy), leaving them some kind of privacy.

He reached for the shallow, square box on the table and handed it to Padmé. “This is yours. Ani helped make them.”

The box held four holoprojectors, made by him and his younger self. And each contained numerous holostills and holovids of Padmé’s family and closest handmaidens that the two Anakins had extracted from R2-D2’s memory banks. Images and vids from their own universe, often from Padmé’s experiences, not from those DVDs about their home.

The little droid had the propensity to record events that unfolded before him, often without anyone noticing. Having never had his memories wiped there was information contained within that swivel dome that dated back to his fabrication date. And it had taken Anakin and his younger self some time to locate the data files from the time Padmé had ownership of the droid, there had been a lot of data to slush through (and some of it Anakin was sorely tempted to delete, the droid had been present on Mustafar after all. But Anakin had refrained, that went against his belief about droid-autonomy).

There was one projector for her parents, one for Sola and her husband, one for Ryoo and Pooja, and one for the handmaidens. Though, sometimes there was crossover and individuals would show up in the stills and vids of others. Each projector could be switched from holostills function to holovid by simply pressing a button. And within each function there were a number of images or vids to view. R2, again, recorded more than people realized.

“And Artoo, he helped, too,” Anakin was quick to add, and almost shyly. Gift giving and accepting was a hard thing for a Jedi to do.

Padmé smiled as she curiously looked at the three and tried to figure out what R2D2 would have done. She figured it out quickly enough when she pressed to turn it on and was met by the face of Ryoo and Pooja looking back at her with two children's grins, full of amusement and wonder. They had been on the verge of laughing and distracted amidst some sisterly antic. Padmé went about looking and watching a few moments of each before, crying, she smiled and thought to put together words to express her gratitude. "I love my gift! Thank you so much - to all three of you."

She snuggled up somewhat against her husband, smiling and feeling what seemed to be far too happy. Ickle Anakin had gotten, among a few practical and miscellaneous, a four function ruler-pen and a Lego set. She had thought the two would amuse the young lad enough to get by.

For the adult Anakin, Padmé had gone a similar but different route. She had gotten him a model of Anakin's Eta-2 Jedi Starfighter that was quite small. It snapped together without glue, but would still take time to assemble due to the size. It was about the size of a coin. She had also gotten him something that was more a sentiment than the actual gift, which she had been worried he wouldn't like. Padmé hadn't wrapped it, but had worn it on her hand to show it to him. It was a heart and a two hands; it had been something that she worried might come across wrong or as self-serving, but the little trinket reminded her so much of their love. She slipped the two hands apart to reveal the lower hand holding onto the heart. "I know how you like things spelled out. I saw this and - it made me think of you. Hidden or revealed, you'll always hold my heart." There was no expectation for him to wear the rings, but she had wanted him to have a tangible thing to spell out the fact she loved him. She also had something for him that was tucked away in the bottom of their closet, but she figured that could wait until later; though, in fairness, that was somewhat for the both of them.

Anakin, having experienced receiving so few gifts in his life smiled awkwardly and accepted what Padmé gave him in what he was sure was a clumsy manner. Slaves and Jedi didn’t own things, he could count on his two hands the number of times he’d received gifts in his whole life. But he was grateful for them, more than he had words to express. And the gesture of Padmé love touched him the most. He would wear the ring, like she wanted, simply because it was what she wanted.

He took the ring from her, it felt so small between his fingers. And it fell apart immediately as he fumbled with it. It took him some time to make all the pieces fit back together. When he managed it it only fit on his fifth finger because his hands were hardly as small and refined as Padmé’s.

“Thank you,” he said and leaned down to kiss his wife softly on her cheek. And then he mumbled into her hair, “I love you.”

He leaned back into the crook of the back of the couch and the arm rest, pulling Padmé with him. He was quite content to stay like this for however long Padmé desired. He might have misgivings about this Santa fellow, but Christmas didn’t seem like such a frivolous holiday after all.

Padmé's gift had been well-received, ickle Anakin was happy with his gifts, and she could even see a happy Sonya playing with a festive ribbon out of the corner of her eye. It was all so idyllic, peaceful. It was a moment she wished she could make last.

She laughed as Anakin pulled her down, settling against him quite easily. She didn't quite understand the idea of Santa either, truth told, but whomever the extra gifts were from didn't matter. What mattered was that she had people she loved to share the day with.

"I love you too." She mumbled back, grinning and letting out a carefree sigh. "I think I could get used to holidays like this, spending time as a family."

Family…

The word echoed in Anakin’s mind and brought forth images that were almost too painful for him to allow. His visions of his mother, those some three years previous, hadn’t started with her capture and torture, but with what he could only guess was the life she was living up to that point. The brief glimpses he received were far from corporeal in design; he knew them more like feelings. It felt like they were all in the cooking unit of the Lars farm. It felt like they were laughing over dinner. Before that long month of violent dreams, in those first visions it felt like they were speaking kindly, hugging, enjoying each other’s familiarity and companionship. It felt like something he’d been denied ten years, craving for in the wake of the cool detachment of Jedi asceticism.

Those thoughts had haunted him then, tantalizing and tragic given his position in the galaxy, and they still did for the simple fact they were memories of something he would never have. Not exactly. Even if he could see them materializing in different forms before him now. In Padmé resting against them just then, and every night in their bed. In his friendships with Helena and James. Even in Ani – despite the boy’s resistance to him still.

Family… this time it reverberated differently.

And for the first time Anakin let himself accept that that was what he had here in the Land of Make Believe. He couldn’t be with his mother again, and share in the joy of family she had created on Tatooine, but he could have something like that here.

“Yes,” he said, talking Padmé’s hand with his own, the one on which her ring was currently worn. “I’d like that.”

Padmé's eyes lit up at Anakin's answer to what she had said. She was both surprised and excited at her husband's answer and at the prospects that entered her head. She missed her family from home, but she considered Anakin family - husband and wife were family, after all, and the ickle certainly counted as did R2D2 and Sonya. She knew they faced a future they wouldn't have chosen once they returned to their own galaxy, but the holidays and the prospects for the future drowned it out. It was about now, and the future, while in the Land of Make Believe.

Padmé loved Anakin with all of her heart. She had no doubts of that fact. Even with the pregnancy scare, her worries had never been in relation to the two of them and how they felt about one another; it had been about Anakin's reaction and if she would be a good mother. They had talked through those topics and even if she had turned out not to be pregnant, now...

"Having a little one underfoot would make for enjoyable holidays." Padmé suggested back quietly with an unabashed smile, shifting to look up at Anakin and giving his hand a small squeeze with hers.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to step on them,” Anakin joked back. His smile broadened for moment as he enjoyed the humor, but then receded to one more serious so that Padmé wouldn’t misunderstand his next words for more jesting. “But that would be nice… Having a few even.”

Padmé laughed a little and gave Anakin a very small nudge at the joke, then settled down again with a contented sigh. She had liked having Sola be so close to her age, so the two could understand one another. There had been gaps, at times, caused by Padmé's striving attempts to be as grown up as she possibly could. It had been her duty, after all, to go with her political talents. Still, when it came to considering herself at the end of the day, it had often been her sister's voice in her ear suggesting she think of what she wanted.

"It would be good to have them close in age, at least." She was assuming, hoping, it wouldn't necessarily be twins the first time around. The idea of two didn't bother her; she just wanted a chance to ease a bit more into parenthood for the both of them.

"Are we... ready for this, then?" Padmé looked back up at Anakin, staying where she was lying against his chest. "We're sure?"

Anakin paused and he grew more serious. On the other side of the room his younger self was rummaging through plastic bricks on his way to putting his new toy together, thoroughly ignoring them. The racking sound was all that could be heard for a moment.

Anakin desperately wanted what he thought Padmé was suggesting. The scare a month or so back had been a time of reflection. Dark may be their future back in their universe, and uncertain it may be here, but they had both come from that experience sure in the fact that if they had time in this place a family was what they wanted. They had support and friends who would help them and celebrate with them and be a part of their lives. They wouldn’t be going at this alone, like they had back home. It was only a question of when.

“I.. think so. I want to be ready, us to be ready,” he said. “Are you ready?”

It was just a question, a simple question. If Padmé said she wasn’t ready Anakin would respect her desires and not bring up the topic again until she did. And if she said she wasn’t it would not change anything about their relationship, they loved each other, they were together, and that was enough. They didn’t need to add children to their situation.

And yet, at the same time, Anakin’s heart beat faster with the hope of something more than what they had - simply because they could have more, the only thing stopping them was the limits they set for themselves. There was no Council and it’s strict Code to pass judgment on them, not social shame for Anakin’s disgraceful removal from the Jedi to bear, no Galactic Senate filled with problems that seemed as if only Padmé could fix and therefore requiring she stay rather than be forced out by scandal. And there was no megalomaniac, power-hungry Sith prying his fingers into their lives to tear them apart. Just them. What was stopping them?

They could have this, right?

Padmé found it impossible to hold back a smile when Anakin said he was ready. The day had already been filled with warm, indescribably fuzzy feelings that had made things seem so surreal an ideal. The idea of having children with Anakin, and both of them being ready, only made it seem better. She had been there under a year and, yet, things had worked out so perfectly. Even if there were others she wished could be there to join in their happiness, it didn't put a damper on her happiness.

"I'm still nervous about it," Padmé admitted, feeling no shame in that detail, "But I think I am too. I want a cute little boy or girl running around, looking back at me with your blue eyes."

She wanted this.

“And what if they have your eyes?” Anakin raised his eyebrows, daring Padmé.

But he was smiling again. The more he thought about this, the more committed he felt to having children, starting that now. They could do this. They could have this. It was a reality just waiting for them to create.

And yes, he was nervous, too. The specter of his mistakes made before would always be there, warning him and digging in just what selfishness and arrogance could cost him if he wasn’t mindful of his feelings. But this time he hoped would be different – he had confidence he’d learned from his mistakes.

“It will be different this time,” he said. “I won’t fail like last time.”

Padmé had confidence that Anakin had learned from his mistakes, too, and she was confident he would do any and everything in his power not to venture down such a path. She was also rather sure that this time, she would be taking it easy and would live a notably less strenuous lifestyle than that of an active Senator; Padmé hadn't lived it, but she knew that slowing down and letting others take the lead or even letting handmaidens step in wouldn't have been her style. She was a workaholic, in many ways, and even now she filled her spare time almost continually either with research or reading or even with Sonya. She didn't know what to do with downtime and, even with her current habits, there wouldn't be any way for her to work through nights. Anakin would be there, anyhow, to make sure she didn't try it and got enough sleep.

Padmé wasn't scared or even nervous about Anakin being a threat, nor her health. She was worried about being a good mother and doing things... right. Neither she nor Anakin had experienced a typical "upbringing," or at least not typical for the area, so they would have to find their own style of parenting.

"I know, Anakin." She shifted to reach up and kiss her husband, only pulling back slightly to add, "We're in this together this time."

Anakin smiled back, and was about to say something when younger Ani was standing up and trying to catch their attention.

“Can I go see Helena now? I need to give her her present.” The boy stood there waiting, his silent stare demanding an answer.

Anakin, see the opportunity at hand, nodded without pause. Ani didn’t need anything more to prompt him and he rushed for the door, slowing only enough to grab the shiny wrapped gift on the table. And then the boy was out of the room and the door was left to close behind him.

“We could... start trying now?” he asked, hope raising his eyebrows.

Padmé broke into a slow grin, getting off Anakin and backing toward the bedroom. "Let me show you the other gift that I was saving for later, then..."

Regardless of the potential of a child resulting from their attempt, Padmé knew that would have her husband scrambling after her. Without a doubt, this was turning out to be a brilliant holiday. She could get used to the idea of Christmas and maybe even other holidays in the Land of Make Believe.