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He may be Vader someday later, but now he's (justasmallfry) wrote in makebelievelog, @ 2012-10-20 06:32:00

Who: Lil’Ani, Padmé, Big Anakin (we’ll see if anyone else gets added)
What: Lil’Ani finds out his future isn’t so much sunshine and rainbows as it is mass genocide and all the misery breaking the galaxy entails
When: Starts Friday early afternoon
Where: Starts in their quarters
Rating/Warnings: TBD Much angsting and yelling for sure.
Status: To be completed in the comments


Ani’s mood was dark and foreboding as he took the trolley home. He hadn’t waited for school to finish to take the bus. When he’d heard those other students talking about things that surely were lies he’d tossed aside student obligation and had left the junior high school premise. Some things were more important than learning about dead poets of the past. Things like receiving confirmation his future wasn’t that.

When he finally arrived at the stop outside the castle grounds he bolted across the street with no regard for the traffic, then up the long drive. R2-D2 was at the entrance door, a mere coincidence, but Ani didn’t even pause to wonder why. The droid sensed something was up as he had to spin around and speed after the boy, Ani hadn’t even stopped to greet him. Nor did the young boy answer when R2 tried to engage him in conversation. This was a sign something was wrong. It had the droid worried.

“Are they up in there?” Ani asked all but shouting, while pushing through the doors of the dining hall. It was the shortest way to get to the West Wing from the castle entrance.

R2, confused, twittered a non-confirming response, which didn’t do much to help Ani’s mood.

“Padmé and Anakin,” he shot back, “are they up in the rooms?”

The droid, catching on, answered affirmative in the most positive and cheerful way possible, trying his best to ease whatever was troubling his young master.

Free of the hustle and bustle of the dining hall, Ani broke back into a run, carelessly weaving in and out of passing staff members and castle residents alike. He left R2 to find his own way.

Ani only slowed down when he reached the door to the rooms he shared with his older self and Padmé, but only enough to open the door without crashing into it. He rushed into the room and then, as if hitting a durocrete wall, he stopped abruptly. Both Padmé and his older self were in the room. Dark concern was creasing his older self’s face already - of course he would pick up on his mood, he’d probably known the moment Ani had busted through the front door of the castle the boy was a roiling mess of anxiety and anger all doused in confusion and fear. And he probably looked it, too, making it so Padmé’s perceptions wouldn’t be far behind her husband’s.

Before they could say anything, ask him that indomitable, ‘What?’ and take control of the situation away from him – he needed something over which he had full charge, something! The words were bursting out of him.

“Is it true?” he demanded. All the while riding the trolley home he had repeated, ‘it’s a lie’ over and over in his head, trying to convince himself it was all a bunch of rubbish make believe some stupid children had made up in their ridiculous wild fantasies. He’d tried clinging to it the whole way leading to this moment but now that he was here, his grasp faltered and he felt let loose in that torrent of the Force verifying reality loud and clear. “I become Sith?!”

Padmé caught on rather quickly that something was very wrong and, as Anakin asked about the truth, she knew exactly what he was asking before he clarified. No work as a Queen, no work as a Senator, could prepare her for this. No, a Politician, even one with good intention, wasn't the right person to respond to this. The person that cared about Anakin, his friend, was.

"The how is - complicated, but yes." Padmé had wanted to tell Anakin since their last big talk, when she had told him about Chancellor Palpatine's deception, but how to do it was extremely difficult. Still, she took the lead in this and she told him the honest answer. She answered the boy's question with genuine concern. "You do."

The air hung gravid with all the painful honesty Padmé’s words carried. A deep chasm opened somewhere in the center of Anakin’s chest and it seemed to pull everything inward. All his words failed, hope. Padmé and his older self were supposed to denounce the question as inaccurate and then assuage his fears – he would never do that!

Like a thousand needles, tears stung his eyes. He looked from both of them in disbelief. All he could do before he found his voice again was shake his head.

“Liar!”

The word was out of him before he realized what he was saying. After everything fell into that hole inside him all that was left was the distilled remains of his fear and confusion – anger. Oh, he felt so angry. Something must have gone wrong, though he couldn’t think what could possibly lead him down that path. Someone had done something, because he wouldn’t ever do that!

“Anakin-” His older self started to say, but then never completed the reprimand.

“You’re lying!” he spat again, still not wanting to accept it.

He looked to his older self who just… stood there, watching him. Silent now. Anakin’s intense look bore into him, practically willing the older man to say something. Say something! But he didn’t, and young Anakin knew there wasn’t taking back this revelation.

You’re lying… please say you’re lying.

Anakin stepped back and bumped into R2 who had, it seemed, caught up to him by now. Panic set in then, he wanted out, he knew he needed to get away from the place he’d been told this awful, awful thing. He side-stepped around R2, ignoring someone’s (he couldn’t tell whose, he’d stopped processing distinct voices) protest that he stop, that they could explain, and bolted back out the door.

Padmé wished she could deny it, that she was lying, but she knew the truth needed to be told. Still, it didn't stop the feelings that Anakin's words caused nor did she feel any less empathy on his behalf. She knew what the future did hanging over the elder Anakin's head, she couldn't imagine on the younger's half. There was a certain temptation to shield him from it forever, but that had been part of the problem leading up to Anakin's fall. People hadn't been honest with him and had lied on things.

She turned to the elder Anakin, concern evident on her features, reaching to give his hand a squeeze. "Anakin, should we go after him? Should we give him time? I'm - sorry, but I couldn't deny it. The Council lied to you enough and as hard as it is, he shouldn't be lied to about it..."

It took thought on her part to keep her from pushing for immediately going after him, but she would defer to the elder Anakin; he knew himself, after all.

“I-” Anakin started and then looked away from Padmé. His eyes alighted on R2, who gave a plaintive arrooo.

It was always a little strange feeling his younger self through the Force. In some ways it was fascinating, they could really tell what the other was thinking without even putting any effort into trying. On the other hand, the rising anger radiating off the boy through the Force was like his own emotions echoed back at him, powerful and remarkably intense. In some way, that was his rage bubbling forth. This was what other Force-sensitives felt when they were around him and him experiencing that was a unique situation no other here could attest to.

As attuned as he was with the Force, and as overdue as this day was, his younger self was going to find out at some point, no denying that, Anakin was unprepared.

There was something to the boy’s anger that Anakin was sure was directed only at him. Not that he blamed the young boy, he still harbored a great deal of resentment towards himself for his future actions.

“I don’t know, Padmé,” he said, “I… I know he needed to know.” He didn’t blame Padmé one jot for stating the truth simply to Ani. It’s not like lying would have been the best course of action. He would have known, instantly. “We couldn’t have stopped him from knowing now… We should-”

He was going to offer a suggestion on what to do next when it seemed young Anakin made the choice for them.

“He’s hiding- in the Force,” his head snap over to look at Padmé. “I can’t feel where he is.”

Padmé felt sick, on some level. She didn't allow herself to give into such things, though. She had never been one for doing that. The far more important thing than her feelings of sympathy was looking after young Anakin's wellbeing. She paused for a brief moment to take a breath in and let it out, collecting her thoughts. "I'll change, you text - anyone he might go to. Luke or Obi-Wan."

"We can go look for him. We will find him, if we have to go into Dragon territory to do it." Padmé reached to give Anakin's hand a quick squeeze before slipping off to change into clothing and shoes appropriate for looking around, indoors and out, with appropriate speed.

Jacket on, along with a pair of black pants and a casual shirt, she went to pull on a pair of what they called "sneakers." The shoes were from the outfit she went to work in. She figured it would allow for the most ease. "Do you think he went indoors or out?"

Anakin opened his mouth to protest, but, like with his other attempts thus far today, he found nothing to say. The chances of finding his younger self were slim while the boy was putting so much effort into hiding himself. Padmé he knew, on the other hand, wouldn’t rest when she was this determined. He was torn between letting the boy have space and making sure that he was alright.

“I don’t know,” he said after considering Padmé’s question. He tried to place himself in Ani’s position, where would he go. He had no answer. As a slave in Watto’s shop, if he ran off, giving the appearance of running away, he could be instantly destroyed at the press of a button. At the Temple, as a young boy, he was watched over like a hawk by all the instructors, and Obi-Wan. And then, as an adult, he had so little free time with the war, he used his moments to slip away to visit Padmé. “I suppose we check the castle first. I would seek out something for my hands to work with. Maybe the workroom?”

But even as Anakin said it he was sure the boy wouldn’t be there. It was a shared space between the two of them, and he suspected Ani ran as much to clear his head as to get away from his older self.

Padmé loved Anakin in two very distinct ways, as despite the shared identity, Anakin and the younger Anakin were two very different people. The elder may have had the same experiences growing up, but by being in the Land of Make Believe the younger Anakin's path had already been changed. She loved the boy as one would a friend, or a young person in ones charge. Naboo held the stance that one's' status, child or adult, depended on maturity. She knew he held the maturity of an adult, but - on some level, she really wanted him to have a chance to enjoy and explore the thing that the Jedi Order wouldn't allow and to be given a chance at some sort of childhood, despite being 12 and rather like an adult. She wanted him to feel free to build and tinker, to learn the humanities, to explore emotions in a healthy manner. She didn't want a cloud hanging over him, but - more importantly, and more immediately, she wanted the reassurance that he was safe.

If he wanted to stay angry, he could, but no one deserved to find out something that life altering, that spirit crushing, and then be left to deal with it on their own. This wasn't the Jedi Order where emotions were to be suppressed and ignored and seeking or wanting help would potentially lead to questioning and trouble.

"Let's try the workrooms and stairwells, then. We should look at the roof as well and off of it, to see if there are any notable signs of him from up there." She doubted there would be, since Anakin had physical talent from training and likely hadn't gone to a large open space, but it was worth a shot. And with that in mind, the two were out the door to look for the young Skywalker.