• GREENGRASS, astoria (_lassy) wrote in madworldrp, @ 2008-03-08 18:29:00 |
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This had to be the worst possible weekend. Worse than the weekend after the day it had been raining in the hall. She'd been doing fine since then -- or as fine as she could be -- and now this assignment had to be given. Stupid food fight. Who's idea was it anyway?
Following Kevin around had been incredibly awkward. Elizabeth could have been completely invisible for all he or his friends cared. Save for that one time that Ted had greeted her. This day was horrible already. But at least tomorrow, he had to follow her. Maybe she ought to get even by flirting up a storm with someone in Slytherin herself.
Yeah, sure. She didn't even find anyone else appealing.
At least most of the day was over already and they were in the library for some study time. This wasn't bad. What was the worst that could happen? Other than dropping a book on her head? Which might end up as the last straw. But to keep herself calm as he studied, she wrote her stories. And this new one was a short story about a brave soldier battling his way through a war to get back home, where his wife and daughter waited for his return.
It did help, because eventually, she was much too absorbed into the story to remember Kevin was still there.
Kevin watched Elizabeth as she wrote furiously on her parchment, her teeth biting into her lips as she stared hard in concentration. Kevin's first instinct was to smile and comment on how adorable she looked, but of course that was near impossible with the agreement he had practically forced her into. Had he known they would be shadowing one another this weekend, he probably would have damned it to hell, but no, here they were sitting across from each other in the library
Furrowing his brow, Kevin returned to his homework eyes catching on the nonsense about potions that he really didn't need to read. To be honest he was trying to make Elizabeth as bored as possible, and if she had to shadow him then that's what it would take for her to get off his back.
Earlier that morning he had succeeded in his friends barely acknowledging her existence (save for Ted, that pansy) and he himself to barely saying a word to her. He smoked, he dragged her to his common room, he forced her to sit around all males and she hadn't complained once. Maybe he just wasn't trying hard enough.
This assignment was a nightmare. He was convinced it was the single worst punishment he could ever have been given, and damned if Elizabeth wasn't miserable as well. Lifting his head he began watching her again, tracing the shades of brown in her hair, and resting them on her face. She seemed so intense in whatever she was doing he wondered... "What is that?" he blurted out, wincing at his own stupidity.
It wasn't too long of a story, although it did take up two separate parchments. The idea just formed in her head and when it did, she would write. Then later on, she'd go back and correct any errors. At least she only had the end to write when Kevin suddenly spoke.
Elizabeth glanced up at in curiosity, looking as though she just realized he was there, and then she snapped out of it. You couldn't expect her not to be surprised considering this was probably the first time he acknowledged her all day.
"Oh, its--" she paused and glanced down at her work. Normally, her stories were kept secret, hidden from others and Marlene was the only exception. "It isn't any'zing. Just a story."
Kevin's eyebrows rose in her response, and he felt himself drawn to the expression on her face. He stared at her quietly for a moment, eyes flicking down to the parchment on the table and resting them there before turning his attention back to his own parchment.
"Inventing realities better than your own?" he muttered stonily, though he couldn't help but feel impressed that she wrote.
When he spoke again, Elizabeth had almost turned her attention back to finish up her story. But his words made her pause and scan the rest of the parchment. Let's see... a mother and a daughter waiting for her father who eventually does come home and they live happily ever after? That was definitely something she would have rather lived.
And at least she wouldn't have been stuck in the awkward situation all day with him. "Ye could say zat," he muttered, starting to write again. "Someone else's life may sometimes seem better."
He stopped writing, quill held tightly in his hands. He hadn't expected a response from her, maybe a frustrated sigh but she was being so, civil. Did she really dislike her own life so much?
"And what's so bad about your own?" he asked in that same quiet almost hypnotizing tone, his eyes finally raising to meet hers.
Elizabeth looked up at him questioningly, wondering why he wanted to know. Hadn't he been content in just ignoring her the whole day? Why start questioning her now? It was a relief that he was talking to her at least.
"It is not bad. Nor is it good. Everyone's life lacks some'zing, I am sure." She had no idea about his situation, although the most she knew about him was that he had siblings and a father. Perhaps a mother although she hadn't seen her. She had the latter, not the former.
This was getting uncomfortable. But she finished the story anyway and pushed it in his direction in case she wanted to him to read it. That's how much she trusted him, so bloody hell, why couldn't they just be together?
Kevin found himself agreeing with her thinking of his own family situation. Dead mother, tyrant Grandfather, and of course a girl he fancied but couldn't be with. If he was to be completely honest with himself he enjoyed the fact that they had to spend the weekend together, it was almost as though they were already together, and yet he had to make sure there was space. Of course, he blew that by speaking to her
As she pushed the paper his way, he wanted to first push it back, to show her that the space he had wanted was still in existence. But instead he caught the first word in her neat scrawl and let his eyes wander further. He didn't read it properly but in skimming it he found the corner of his lip twitching and admiration growing in the back of his mind
He wanted to compliment her on her obvious knack for creative writing but instead found himself smirking. "Romance, go figure."
Whenever Marlene read her work, Elizabeth would sit there, and stare at her expectantly till she was finished. In this case, she found it hard to look at him and gauge his reaction as he read it. When he was done, she looked back at him with a blank expression.
Well... it was a romance, per se, but shouldn't she have been relieved that he didn't pick up on the fact that the family itself was back together? She had been fidgeting with her quill as he had been looking at her work and now when she looked at her hand there were a few specks in her palm.
"I write adventure too, occasionally," she said, wiping the ink away. "Any'zing at all. Whatever I feel like writing."
He watched her obvious attempt at nonchalance and felt his smirk turn to a grimace. He was missing something wasn't he? He knew he shouldn't particularly care but the way she was looking at him, feigning...something.
At her words Kevin narrowed his eyes and forgot his work entirely, leaning back in his chair insolently. "And you feel like writing romance? Inspired?" he said bitterly, his thoughts immediately wandering to who she had taken up to snogging now.
That tone definitely didn't go over her head and she blinked at him once before narrowing her eyes back. She reached over and took the parchments back too, putting them together and tossing them into her bag. "Ze idea itself just came to me and I wrote it."
She was sick and tired of being treated like a random of speck of dirt on his shoulder as he walked around the school with her trailing right behind. Thank bloody Merlin it was going to be reverse tomorrow. Though the day wasn't over just yet, Elizabeth was not going to treated like such anymore. "Shall we start on ze questions now?"
Kevin frowned at her and leaned forward again preparing to shoot something back at her. However, the energy to fight with her left him and he merely dropped his head into his hands, running his fingers through his hair. "Alright," Kevin nodded, and looked up again. "Though, you probably know most of the answers already," his gaze burning into her, wanting her to remember that night.
That took her by surprise because Elizabeth could have sworn another row was going to start right here. It was probably evident on her face too but she quickly pushed it away, opting for an indifferent expression instead. She pulled out her journal and flipped over to the page with McGonagall's entry -- and had to keep herself from wrinkling her nose.
What a dreadful assignment.
She glanced up at him as he stared at her and she felt herself turning red but forced herself to look away. "We... we will, uh, take turns answering."
Kevin smirked in self-satisfaction as she stumbled over her words, feeling that he had gotten his point across. "That's fine then, I'll start," he replied casually, pushing the homework aside and finding the scrap of parchment with the questions on it.
Skimming them Kevin felt a bubble of disgust form, such was the stupidity of the questions. Where do you live? Kevin snorted, if you wanted to get to know someone why not ask them something with a little more depth. But then again, he didn't want to know Elizabeth any better than he did now.
Liar, his mind hissed, and he quickly cleared his throat. "Alright so where do you live, or where were you born, you know," he trailed off waving his hand.
She settled back into her chair, keeping her eyes on the paper rather than looking at him. "I am living in County Mayo in Ireland, but I was in born in Dauphiné in France. Mum and I moved 'zere when I was a baby."
Elizabeth risked at least one glance at him. "And ye're from Australia. Where ye born 'ere or zere?"
"Australia" he answered, "we moved a few years after my Mum died, Grandad is a bit of tyrant," he ran a hand through his dirty blonde hair, shrugging. He didn't talk about his Mum, the fact that he even said it in the first place astounded even him.
Elizabeth looked back up at him trying to mask her surprise. All this time she had thought his mother might have lived with them -- or not lived with them, but at least somewhere in the world. That left her speechless and also feeling a bit embarrassed.
And this whole time she'd been thinking her life was miserable without a father.
"I.... oh," she muttered. "Je suis désolé."
Kevin blinked at her, growing suddenly uncomfortable at his admission. He didn't want her sympathy, he definitely didn't want her pity. "It's fine," he brushed the topic aside, shrugging his shoulders again. "It was a long time ago, and I have a great Dad to make up f--can we change the subject please?" his voice suddenly growing agitated.
The last thing Elizabeth felt was pity or sympathy. She had been hoping to ask him if he had ever knew her. Because if he had, the one thing she would be feeling would have been jealousy. At least he had both parents in that case, for sometime in his life."
She decided against asking him when he bluntly asked for the topic change and instead, she focused on the next question. "Who do ye live with... your sister and father, I am aware of. Are zey it?" It could have been amusing how she pretty much did most of the answering for him, if things weren't so tense between them.
"Ya, they're it," he said, his tone dropping slightly as his brow furrowed. Had he ever gotten so personal before? Not even with Ted. Then again Ted just figured things out for himself so things never had to be said, they were just assumed. "My older brother lives with my Grandad in Australia, they make quite the greedy pair," he smiled slightly at the end, the sentence may have been bleak but he himself found humour in just how blood sucking his brother had gotten. Oh to be a Brocklehurst.
"What about you? Live with your Mum and Da I expect?"
It was only a matter of time, but it didn't make things any less uncomfortable when he mentioned a father. "Ah.. non. Just my Mum. My uncle stays over for long periods of time as well."
She reached up with one hand and grasped the end of one strand of hair, twirling it in between two fingers. It was a bit of a nervous habit. "My father is dead."
Kevin's gaze ceased to follow the movement of her fingers in her hair when he heard her last comment. Dead, well weren't they the pair. "Elizabeth," he intoned softly as a reflex, stretching his hand out as if he were to place it on her own. He stared at the distance between them and let his hand fall back into his lap.
"I'm sorry," he said finally, offering her a small grimace as he shifted uncomfortably. He should be able to reach over the table and pull her across it, but he couldn't and that was both their faults.
Elizabeth didn't miss the hand movement and it crushed her heart a tad bit, but she averted her eyes away from them. "It's... well, it's..." It was okay? Of course it wasn't. But she didn't really want sympathy either.
"I never 'ad ze chance to know him. He passed before I was born." As much as she could try, there was possibly no way to act so nonchalantly about this. And this was quite a lot that they were uncovering about one another.
"Still," Kevin found himself saying, "he was your father." He offered a small smile, locking eyes with her for a moment before the smile started to fall. What was he doing? Couldn't they just bloody get through the questions? He fidgeted in frustration and looked away from her, feeling the overwhelming need to be somewhere else.
Clearing his throat he gestured to the questions again. "What about goals?"
Again, Elizabeth found herself wondering what evil being in the world had made their pairing happen. Just when she had some hope that everything was going to be better between them, he looked away or changed the topic.
She glanced down at the paper, trying to get her mind to focus back on the paper while everything in her head was actually one big emotional tumbleweed. "Oh, um... to be a journalist. Move back to France after June, possibly." Because Britain didn't appeal to her much anymore. "Et vous?"
"Move back to France?" he interrupted, suddenly alarmed. He hadn't thought about after Hogwarts, when he wouldn't see all these people every day. Sure, he and Ted might get a flat together, but Elizabeth... wait, why was he caring again?
"Well er-" he caught himself, flushing slightly. "I'm sure that'll be good for you, for your career," he sighed and started drumming his fingers on the table.
And what did he want to do? "I'd like to be an auror, if not that then work in the ministry, anything to stay away from my fate as a Brocklehurst lawyer."
Fortunate for him, Elizabeth missed his little outburst as she scanned the rest of the questions. She did however lift her eyes up at him and gave him a small smile at his well-wishing. "Appreciated."
"I can understand," she started, thinking of her mother who went back to France to work with her grandfather while Elizabeth was at school. "My uncle works in ze British Ministry, and Grandpa and Mum works in ze French Ministry. I do not wish to work 'zere." The attacks in the newspaper might have helped in solidifying that as well. "Ye'd be a good Auror."
Looking at the next question, Elizabeth paused. Hell, she could name a few moments where she wasn't proud that had a lot to do with her situation at the moment. "Next question.. your proudest moment?"
"Thanks," he mumbled in response, watching her curiously as she continued on being so...friendly. She was driving him absolutely nuts, and he wouldn't let himself do anything about it. He admired the fact that she knew what she wanted, he could see her as a journalist. If anything she was tenacious; the thought made him smirk slightly.
"Proudest moment?" the smirk twisted into an unsure grimace. He couldn't believe that the first thought crossed his mind was taking her to meet his father. His father who liked her so much... Ted would laugh at him if he knew what he was thinking.
"Probably when I finished my first year of Hogwarts," he rubbed his chin and shook his head. "It may sound stupid but I'm the only wizard in my family, and to know that I could perform magic?" He grinned. "It was a good feeling."
Clearing his throat, Kevin nodded to her. "What about you?"
"Oh, zat is not stupid," she said suddenly when he finished. It was true, but it had pretty much rolled off her tongue without thinking that she had to pause and hope nothing wrong could be interpreted from that.
She was the first in her family to go to Hogwarts as well, but that was because everyone else had gone to Beauxbatons.
Elizabeth tilted her head to consider the question and she found herself thinking back to the ball. More specifically, the talk she had with Kevin's sister. That was definitely a proud moment, especially when she had found that astonished look on Kevin's face.
Somehow, it didn't seem so appropriate to mention. "Getting my grades for my O.W.L.'s. Zey were... okay, but I 'ad gotten an E for Charms. And zat made me 'appy." Well, good, so long as they were getting through the questions quickly, they could get this over with. "Siblings... ye 'ave a sister and a brother, I know."
He nodded to her statement. "And what about you? I never hear you talk about anyone, are you an only child?" He could picture her as an only child, slightly spoiled, but all the more enticing with her spiritedness. He hoped she didn't have an older brother.. I'd have to fight for her. The thought came out of no where and Kevin almost balked. Merlin, bloody hell.
Elizabeth nodded. That probably was not surprising either. "Only me." She glanced at the questions again, relieved that they didn't seem to require too much talking. "Career upon completing 'ogwarts.. I believe we discussed zat."
Kevin nodded again, his gaze wandering away from Elizabeth and the sheets of parchment in front of them. Staring off into space Kevin couldn't help but heave a sigh, the claustrophobia he was feeling earlier coming back full force. This thing they were doing, it was so stupid.
"This is stupid," he said, still looking off into the library shelves, not wanting to turn to face her.
Thinking that he was talking about the assignment, Elizabeth nodded. "We could 'ave just answered zem ourselves and exchanged--" Was he even paying attention to her? When she saw him staring off, she couldn't help stare at him before looking away, preferably at the pile of library books next to them that were supposedly there to be studied
"It is just ze assignment," she said in a low voice, trying not to let too much disappointment show. "After Sunday is over, if ye want to go back to not speaking for ze rest of our lives..." And how she really wished it didn't have to be that way. "... we will do zat."
Kevin eyes snapped back to hers, his gaze unwavering. "It's for the best Elizabeth," he was grinding his teeth now. "Until I find a happy medium between hating you and wanting you I can't talk to you," he turned his head away again, afraid he had once again revealed too much.
"Makes me bloody snog you," he said under his breath. It was then that he realized it was he who was their biggest roadblock, him and his inability to forgive her. And while he really wanted to giver her a piece of his mind, the other part of him was grasping at the fact that they had to do this assignment, just so that he could be with her. Merlin bloody fuck, he was turning into a bleeding ponce.
Elizabeth went still, listening to him. There had been hope, and there hadn't, and when he had made it clear to her before what he wanted, he was telling her more stuff. Damn right it was revealing too much. Why was he telling her this now?
Shaking herself out of it, Elizabeth start to grab hold of the books around her. "Ye know, ye really should not be telling me all of zat." She was annoyed and it was apparent at the way she scowled slightly.
"Don't you think I know that?" he grimaced, turning to face her, eyes growing darker. "I don't have a bloody on and off switch around you , things just come out," he ran a hand through his dark blonde hair, the adrenaline now running through his body making him even more agitated.
Standing up, Elizabeth glowered back at him. "In zat case, stop looking at me like it is my fault. I did not ask for zis myself." Did he really think she wanted to be treated like she didn't existed as she sat in a roomful of guys?
She picked up the books and turned her back to him, starting to set them back on the shelves. At least this way, he wouldn't be able to read her expressions.
Kevin furrowed his brow back at her, pushing back his chair to stand up himself. He wasn't entirely sure what they were talking about in particular, but having chosen not to talk it out properly with her, he found himself with a renewed desire to figure out what the bloody hell went wrong.
"Oh but didn't you? Two blokes Elizabeth, two. One who fancied you so much that he made himself into a complete arse, merlinbloodyfuck." Cursing violently, Kevin slammed his hands onto the table and backed away, hands immediately going to the back of his head as he made an attempt to cool himself down.
The last thing she expected was for him to act like such that when he slammed his hand, it startled her. The last book in her hand and slipped our of her hands and fell on her foot. It wasn't big but it still pained that she immediately stooped low to pick it up.
She was not going to cry. Even if she felt like it. And it had nothing to do with the book. But still, she wasn't going to cry. Not ever around him again. "I meant," she started, "zat I did not ask for zis assignment... 'ad I known I was just going to be treated like I did not exist ze whole day, I might have begged to be paired up with Marly instead." That was House Unity... what she and Kevin were doing clearly was not.
Stuffing the book a little too roughly onto the shelf, Elizabeth threw him a sideways glance. His anger scared her, even though she didn't want to admit it. Mostly because she knew it was her fault and she knew he must have hated her. "I'm sorry. I apologized for it so many times, I am well aware I was ze wrong one. What more do ye want me to do?"
Kevin didn't want this. He rarely lost his temper, and he hated himself when he did. And now he had frightened her, which was clear from the way she was looking at him, almost as if she would break any second. Nice going prat, he thought to himself, clenching his fists.
She was right, his friends had ignored her the entire day, not because he asked them to but because they knew something was off between the two of them. Ace friends, and apparently they (himself included) were all insensitive pricks at the same time.
"You're right, you shouldn't have been treated like that," it came out almost forced, though he meant it sincerely. "And I know I said that I couldn't, that I wouldn't--" he stopped himself and inhaled. This needed to be straightened out.
"I know you feel guilty already," good, his eyes closing momentarily as he attempted to gather himself. "And despite what this," he gestured wildly at whatever they were doing , "may look like, I'm not trying to push that in any more than it already has. But-" here he broke off, and let out a humourless laugh. "What was I to you?"
Was? She hadn't spoken even though he apologized, nor did she move away or closer. Whatever he had been before, he still was, but she didn't see what good would come out of telling him.
"Before... ye were no'zing but a jerk zat I did not get along with but ye still caught my attention for some reason. I couldn't not cross ye every time we met. I did not know why and I did not think it was such a big deal which is why when Aiden asked me to be 'is date, I said yes."
"And after zat, when ye told me ye fancied me, ye put me on a spot. Me, someone who already was dating ano'zer and we were stuck under ze mistletoe, we 'ad to kiss, but afterwards..." No, thinking of the kiss again wasn't going to do her any good so she pushed it out of her mind.
Elizabeth glanced at him again, this time, turning slightly toward him. "I did not know what to do. I came to like ye after the 'olidays, yet, I was dating someone I did not know was... such a prat. I was confused and I did not know who to choose, so I ended up doing some'zing stupid and avoiding both of ye for the first two weeks of school."
Kevin stared at her, all manner of confusion filling his face. Hearing her side, well, he had convinced himself that what she did was deliberate, that she had toyed with his feelings for some sick joke. Apparently that wasn't the case.
"You-" he started, then shut his mouth, kneading his forehead with erratic hands. He looked back up at her finding it very difficult to stay as angry as he was.
"Elizabeth," he pinned her with his eyes. "Are you confused now?"
He was watching her a little too intensely, that she found herself blushing but she didn't look away. "No," was her curt reply. "Only when ye tell me ye do not wish to speak to me and 'zen ye say.... what ye said before, about.. liking me.."
"I don't want to speak to you because I fancy you," he replied almost automatically, biting his lip at his bluntness. "Fancied you," he amended quietly, raising his gaze back to her. He winced as if the whole business pained him, and perhaps it did.
He sighed again, and rubbed his jaw, the agitation growing again. "I can't be near you when I can't have you it's..." he trailed off at let the rest be unsaid. "I'm just having a hard time forgiving you."
Why he couldn't have her was what she couldn't get because, hell, she was single now. Why couldn't they just move on from this ordeal? He didn't want to. It hurt so much, but Elizabeth was aware that he wasn't going to budge. And they even only had four months left till they left the school.
She was adamant that if nothing changed between them, then she'd want to move back to France as soon as possible.
"I 'ave noticed," she said, nodding, keeping her gaze on him. "Ye do not feel any'zing anymore. But I still do. We only 'ave tomorrow to worry about. I will stay out of ye're way after zat. Four more months left anyway."
Not wanting to look at him any longer, Elizabeth glanced down at her watch and then walked back to her stuff to pack her things.
Four months, there it was again, time looming above them like some sort of death sentence. Four months? And then that would be it, and who had brought this upon them? Kevin wasn't sure he could blame her at all anymore.
"Wait," he leaned forward across the table and grabbed her wrist, the first real contact they had had in a while. "I still do," he swallowed, "feel something for you."
Elizabeth went still again he touched her and she felt her own pulse beat a little faster. No.. she didn't want this to be some sort of rollercoaster. Either give hope or nothing at all. "Do not do zis...." she muttered, afraid to look up at him.
He blanched, letting go of her wrist immediately. "I'm not cross anymore," he said carefully, "I get why-" he stopped and shook his head. "I'm sorry for treating you the way I did," I just had my heart ripped out. He managed a small smile and nodded to her.
He could do this, maybe even forgive her fully, he just needed time. But four months? He wasn't sure he had it. "Tomorrow then. Goodnight," it came out without the bite most of his words had , and he smiled again eyes lingering. "Right." he tore himself away, gathering his things in his sack, walking around the table and leaving their little corner of the library.