Who: Enjolras and Grantaire What: Breakfast and discussing house shopping! When: Friday morning Where: Grantaire's apartment Warnings: Awkward French revolutionaries making out Status: Closed/Completed Gdoc
He set the plate down in front of Enjolras on the table, moving the paper with the list of houses they were going to see out of the way.
"French toast, as promised." It hadn't turned out too badly, all things considered. He sat in the chair adjacent to the blond, picking up his coffee mug. He'd only been up for a little while, and spent most of that time making something other than pop tarts for Enjolras.
"So how many of these do you want to try and see today?" There were quite a number on the list, a small picture beside each one. "Any favourites?"
***
Enjolras couldn't help beaming when a plate landed in front of him. Why wouldn't he? A gorgeous man, who he was fairly sure was in love with him, had made him breakfast. And now they were going to go look at houses. To find a place where they would officially live together.
It was a little overwhelming if he thought on it for too long.
"There's only a handful in my price range. Some nice ones, though. And one is far too big for just the two of us, Cami, and the as yet unnamed dog." Who he would likely not name until he met the dog. It only seemed right.
***
There was that smile again. The one that lit up that whole handsome face and made him vow to work at seeing it as often as possible.
"I am confused." He sipped from his mug. "If we are both going to be living there, do you not think it should be what is in our price range? I earn money too, after all." And then they could get something nicer, maybe.
"We do not need too much space, I would not think. Just a couple of rooms really." They did already spend most nights together, and they were technically still living apart.
***
The smile softened at Grantaire's question. It was something to consider. "I didn't want to be presumptuous and ask. It would definitely increase the budget." And make the real estate agent not look at him like he was crazy. But he'd been very careful with spending since arriving. Other than a couple of small treats, food was what he spent most of his money on. Once he'd gotten a respectable sized wardrobe so he didn't feel awkward going to work every day.
"I was thinking two bedrooms, at least. Three if we could afford it, but I don't feel it's necessary. If…" His cheeks flushed considerably. "If we are definitely planning on sharing a room of our own?"
It wasn't as if anything...untoward happened in Grantaire's room now. Sleeping, mostly. Some kissing. Hardly anything worth blushing over. But moving in and officially sharing a room made it all seem so...permanent.
And he liked it.
***
"When it comes to spending such a significant amount of money, you are allowed to be a little presumptuous," he teased. He imagined Enjolras may have saved a little more than he had, but beyond food and drink he had not spent his money on a great deal of things, beyond spoiling Cami a little.
"I had assumed that we would." His answering tone was gentler in the face of that blushing. "It will be no different than it is now, only a little more convenient, no?" And they could use the second room for an office, or whatever people used other rooms for.
He reached over and stole one of the raspberries he'd placed on Enjolras' plate. The whole thing was both exciting and nerve wracking in equal measure, really.
***
"Well, it would definitely make it more our home than simply just you living in mine. And I'd like that a lot." Why wouldn't he? Everything, for once, felt like it was coming together.
"You could have had your own raspberries, you ridiculous man," he teased, eating one of his own. It did help lighten the mood a bit. And make him feel less awkward. It was as Grantaire had said, nothing had to change. It just...felt a bit like maybe it was supposed to?
"We'll need a yard. At least a small one."
***
"So would I. I do not want you spending all your money on something that is for both of us." He liked the idea of them sharing the space much better. Not just in living there but in owning it.
He laughed at Enjolras' protest. "Make the man French toast and he still wants all the raspberries. I see how it is." He stole another off the plate. "I didn't want my own. I wanted two of yours and my coffee."
A yard would be necessary if they got Enj his dog. "Most of these have some sort of yard."
***
"Yes," he agreed, but he pointed at one in particular. "This one's yard is almost entirely gravel. That would hurt little paws. And our feet if we wanted to go barefoot." He had always been fond of wearing shoes and had never taken his ability to buy them for granted. But still. Outdoors time.
He slid his plate closer to Grantaire, implying he could take more of the fruit if he chose. Enjolras certainly wasn't going to be greedy. Not to mention the bread and the mixture coating it was very thick and filling on its own.
"Is it really coffee?" he teased. "It smells more like tar. I think it's strong enough to make itself by now."
***
"No, I think grass would be best." Maybe a paved area as well, but definitely some grass for a dog to walk on. And for them. "It is nice to have a small bit of a garden too. Some flowers." They made nice inspiration for paintings, too.
He smiled, amused, at the criticism of his coffee. "It is very good coffee. It is just not diluted by all your sugar and flavours and milk." Well, there was the whisky. But that was different.
"How is it?" He nodded at the plate Enjolras had just shifted closer to him.
***
"We could have a proper garden. With fruit or vegetables or something." Not that he knew much about gardening, but there were tons of books. He had to be better at that than at cooking. "With a little fence around it so the girls can't get in." Cami and whatever little one Enjolras brought home. He was assuming it would be a girl but who knew, maybe a gentleman pup would call to him.
"There you go criticizing my sugar intake again." But the words were said teasingly. He knew Grantaire didn't mean anything by it. "Besides, it's just a bit of milk and a little vanilla syrup. Not too sweet at all." And honestly, that pure strong coffee made his tongue want to leave his body.
He smiled, taking another bite of his breakfast. "It's very good. But you didn't need to go through all of that for me, you know." When Grantaire had offered to cook breakfast, he had rather thought his partner would be joining him in the meal.
***
"That could be nice." Gardening was not a strength of his, or at least he did not think so, but together they could work it out. "The girls?" He teased. "So sure you will be finding a little female dog? Or are you referring to keeping Shosanna out of your vegetable garden?"
"I am simply pointing out it is nicer without all that sugar. Facts are facts, Apollo." Sugar had its place. He even enjoyed some of those sweet cereals Enjolras favoured. Just not quite so often.
"As I have said before, I enjoy it. So let me spoil you and eat your toast." He wasn't as much of a breakfast person. So long as he had his coffee and some kind of drink to see him through.
***
"Maybe I am. She has no business being in my peppers, thank you." Maybe Cosette would help. She was raised being much more domestic than either of the two of them. Gender roles had been considerably more specific back then.
His nose wrinkled. "No. It isn't nice at all without all that. It's bitter without them!" His protest sounded silly even to him.
A light blush colored his cheeks. He had never been spoiled before. Especially not in any sort of romantic way. It was nice. "You really don't have to. I'd still care for you regardless."
***
"You grow some peppers and maybe then I'll believe you." He quite liked the thought, admittedly. Enjolras growing vegetables and him cooking. It was an idealistic and naive enough thought to be dangerous.
"And that is what they call an opinion. Misguided though yours may be." The way he wrinkled his nose that way was absurdly endearing, however.
He rolled his eyes, picking up his mug. "You really are not getting this. I know I do not have to. I said, I want to. It's nice knowing I have a way to look after you," he added a little sheepishly.
***
"I bet I could!" Of course, they were coming up on fall and winter not far behind so perhaps next spring would be smarter. Or… "I could start them in pots inside and move them outside when it gets warm again."
He bit his lip, then, and ducked his head. It was strange, even allowing someone else to take care of him in any way. Enjolras was fiercely independent. Even known for it. But this? This was nice.
Still… "I don't need taking care of," he mumbled, but the words were half hearted. "But… I like that you do. And that you want to."
***
"That could be nice. I am sure they look nice as plants in pots, at the start." He liked the idea of having plants and things inside. They did not even have the house yet and he was already picturing it. It was absurd.
"I know. But...that does not mean it is not nice, sometimes. Knowing there is someone there to take care of things when you do not feel up to it." Before, he had Joly for that. Now, he supposed he had Enjolras. The last thing he wanted was to be a burden, though.
He stood to refill his coffee from the pot, pulling the accompanying bottle from its place in the cupboard to top up the mug before setting it back. "I have no intention of jeopardising your independent image, Apollo."
***
He hesitated for only a moment before he stood, joining his...boyfriend? Partner? - at the counter. They were alone, Grantaire wasn't likely to protest. Reaching out, he lightly ran his fingers along the brunet's cheekbone.
"I know you don't. And I don't have that image here, anyway. Here...most people know me as yours."
And he found he was surprisingly okay with that. It was so different than the man he had been in Paris that occasionally it frightened him. But this wasn't there or then. It was okay for him to let go and love someone.
Huh. That was new, too.
***
"I don't think that is true. Maybe they see you as...with me? See us together? But I doubt they see you as mine." Or maybe that just seemed too impossible a concept to him. That Enjolras could ever be anyone else's.
His eyes closed briefly at the touch to his cheek. It had been a long time since he had shared such an intimate moment with someone he actually cared for. It was foreign but not at all unwelcome.
He looked up then, meeting eyes he knew better than anyone's. Even his own. "I'm sorry...if I have not made you feel that we are in this together."
***
"I have no problem with being yours. Just like you're all mine." As if to emphasize his words, he stepped forward, sliding his arms around the man's waist.
"I know we are. This is new. For both of us. It'll take time, is all." Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes he desperately wanted to show Grantaire how loved and cared for he was and he felt like he was being pushed away.
But he knew this man. He was brilliant and talented and an absolute handful to care for, but he still did anyway. "You know I'm here for you, just as you are for me, don't you?"
***
This was different. It was nice, too. This wasn't sharing each other's warmth in a bed. This was standing in the kitchen being held by the other man, completely disregarding the spiked coffee he had just made in favour of a much headier drug.
"It is new," he acknowledged. "And I know we are in a different world and time but...it is easy to forget that. That things have changed so much." He was trying, though. And surely that had to count for something.
He nodded slightly at the question. "I do. I know you are. I suppose I am just not all that used to the feeling," he admitted with some reluctance.
***
Placing a gentle kiss against that impossibly soft forehead, Enjolras simply smiled. "Things have changed. So have we. We're allowed this, here and now." He wasn't stupid. He knew their fates if they had been so openly affectionate at home.
Sighing, he bent his head, nestling a bit into the crook of Grantaire's neck. "Maybe...maybe this is why I missed out on so much of this at home. Maybe many of the things I felt were so…" Illegal? "Unwelcomed."
Honestly, he still didn't entirely know what he considered himself. What he did know was that it didn't matter. Grantaire cared for him regardless.
***
He smiled at that impossibly affectionate gesture. Enjolras was right. Here they could be who they wanted to be, whatever that was, without fear of recrimination.
His arms went around the man when he leaned into him that way. He could not deny how good it felt to hold him. "Maybe. But it doesn't matter now. We are here. Together." And he would try his best to make sure Enjolras did not feel at all alone in this. Or that he did not care, very much.
Those words always on the tip of his tongue tried to escape again, but he bit them back. What if they were too much for the other man? What if it was too much too soon? He could not risk what they had.
***
Together. Exactly. He knew Grantaire felt the same as he did. Even when it was harder to see it, even when he was very clearly holding himself back.
Even when neither one of them had the courage to say it. And that was alright, Enjolras knew. They didn't have to, not yet.
He wouldn't deny how good it felt, being held by him. "I'll sort of miss this place, when we leave. We've spent so much time together here."
***
"This apartment, you mean?" He finally released his hold on the blond, picking up his coffee mug. "I won't. I like the idea of having a new place we choose together. It doesn't matter to me so long as you're there."
And this apartment wasn't them. There was so little of either of them here. Just an odd assortment of his paintings stacked against the wall in the corner and his easel.
He drained what was left in his mug. "Should we go? There is a lot to see, after all."
***
"Mmmhmm. I know, it isn't the same as something of ours will be. But it was still important to us." Sheepishly, he shrugged as he pulled away.
"After you brush your teeth," he teased, kissing the artist tenderly. "You smell like coffee." And whiskey. It was probably for the best that neither one of them was driving yet. Or, well, Enjolras supposed he could. His one glass of wine a night didn't quite compete.
***
He understood what he meant, and would hardly begrudge him a little sentimentality. Even if he didn't share the same feeling for the place, it had been where they had grown so much closer. As friends first, and then whatever this was.
"You smell like French toast," he retorted, which was no real comparison. He sort of tasted like it, too. "I guess that means you really don't like kisses in the morning after all. I will remember that." As though he could give them up now that it was something they shared.
***
Enjolras grinned, even though the tips of his ears went a bit pink. "I'll kiss you all day long. Unless you stop me. Consent and all." The fact that it took modern day people so much effort to figure out consent was important was frustrating given he had learned so quickly.
"Come on, we should both freshen up. We don't want any real estate people looking at us like we're mental." Yet he still took a few extra seconds for another, longer kiss. Because, well, why not?
***
"Yes, consent is very important." He answered in his very best placating voice, only mostly teasing. "And you have it from me." He probably hadn't given it the same level of thought and worry Enjolras had.
"Are you trying to tell me I look mental dressed this way, Monsieur?" The pyjama pants he was fairly certain might have been Enjolras' and the white t-shirt might not have been the most appropriate outfit for going outside.
Oh, he liked that. Quite a bit. And if Enjolras wanted a longer kiss he was happy to take advantage, fingers grasping his shoulder and pulling him a little closer as he deepened the kiss, backing him up against the counter a bit.
***
"I think you look gorgeous but I also don't think any real estate agent will be inclined to take you seriously," he joked right back.
But any thoughts of joking flew out of his head when he found himself being pressed into the counter with intention. A part of him, that part that wanted to fight off any kind of affection, wanted to protest.
But he forced himself to relax and to focus. And he found he liked it. Quite a bit, and he reached to cup that perfect face in his hands and kiss right back. It was taking time, but he thought just maybe he was getting pretty good at this kissing thing.
***
“You may be onto something,” he allowed with feigned reluctance. He really did want to go looking at houses with Enjolras. It was just that he also wouldn’t mind spending the day inside with him, too. That sounded pretty wonderful.
He felt the way Enjolras initially tensed and then relaxed, and he could not help but smile into the kiss, fingers stroking idly from his shoulder down to his elbow and back again. He knew Enjolras was not ready for anything else, might in fact never want more. And he honestly didn’t know what it was he wanted beyond this, either. It was all so...unfamiliar. Something they had learned as perverse and wrong. That was a difficult thought to unlearn.
But kissing him? That he could do all day, and if this was all they ever did do, he could die a happy man.
***
When he finally broke apart to breathe, he couldn't help smiling. "More of that later," he promised. And he meant it. He wanted to be enough for Grantaire. He honestly just wanted him to love him, whether he could make himself say that or not. But what he was and wasn't ready for was still very much up for debate.
"Go on, get dressed," he urged, stepping away to avoid temptation of another kiss. "I'll clean up in here. I'd like us to be doing that in our own house one day soon enough."
And that thought? A place of their own, where they could grow as a couple together? That thought was almost overwhelming.