WHO Cassie Banner-Romanoff & Briar Moss WHAT Waking up WHEN Monday morning WHERE on a cruise ship WARNINGS TBD, some language and war-type memories STATUS Closed | Incomplete gdoc
He slept restlessly these days, if he did it at all. Every time he closed his eyes it was the same horrors. Bodies piled on bodies, blood coating his hands and his feet as he scrambled to where he knew Rosethorn and Evvy were, never quite able to get to them, unable to call to them through the screams of battle and the explosions of powder. Or it was running helplessly down a barren mountainside, not a single plant as far as he could stretch his magic to hold onto and an army of angry Yanjingyi closing in behind him, closing in ahead of him and there was no one to call to, no help anywhere. He was alone. The dreams never really changed and what was worse was when they continued to haunt him through the days.
Briar tried to play it off like nothing was wrong, couldn't help himself letting the dark shadows cross his expression when something reminded him of dreams that were more memory than invention. The only thing that helped was company, someone soft and cuddly to reassure him everything was safe. That he wasn't still in Gyongxe, that here, wherever here happened to be, was peace not war. That he'd made it out and the few people he loved in the world were in one mostly happy piece.
He'd been exhausted when he laid down last night, though, and had treated himself with a nice sleepy tea on top of it, so even alone he'd hoped to sleep some. The nightmares always came without warning, without prompting, though, and Briar's deep sleep was disturbed by his beloved teacher's dead body in his arms. In his sleep he thrashed, called out to her, called for Evvy. He woke himself with a scream, bolting upright and gasping for the breath that had left him, straight away recognizing that his surroundings were not what they ought to be and that only sending more panic through him.
Cassie tended to take forever to fall asleep, but once she was out, she tended to stay that way until something loud woke her up. That something was usually her alarm clock and rarely ever a scream. This particular scream was so loud that it startled her awake, wide awake, and it took her barely any time at all to recognize that Briar was in the bed opposite her. They absolutely had not fallen asleep together, that much she knew for sure, so she looked around, only to discover that they weren't even in her room or his. What the hell had the dome done to them this time?
That was her second question though. Her first was about whether or not Briar was okay. Cassie scrambled out of bed and stopped just short of climbing onto his bed to put her hands on him. Wasn't that bad to do with someone having a nightmare? "Briar? Briar!" She needed him to focus on her and maybe that would help snap him out of it. There was clear panic on her face even though she was trying her best to conceal it. "Hey, it's alright. I'm here. I don't know where here is exactly, but wherever we are, we're here together and we're alright." They had to be alright.
The familiar face did little to soothe him but did enough that Briar forced himself to take a deep, if shuddering breath, and focus on Cassie and her voice. He reminded himself that he wasn't home, not Emelan, not Namorn, not Gyongxe. He'd come back to Madison Valley. No war here, nothing but everything he'd seen and done to haunt him. He was fine, he decided so and would act as if he was, and he took a look around the room. It wasn't his, though his didn't feel any more familiar anymore, only felt safe because that's where his plants were and the first thing Paige had done after his first nightmare since coming back was place magical wards on every window and door in the house. The silver glow of the barrier gave him some sort of reassurance even if it solved nothing. And they weren't here, wherever here was.
Instead what he saw was a balcony and an ocean beyond it. "That's a distraction," he muttered to himself, choosing Namornese to be sure Cassie wouldn't know he was looking for one in the first place. He gestured toward the broad windows. "Look there."
He wasn't as subtle about directing the subject away from himself as he thought he was, didn't really care any which way about it. He didn't want to talk to her about what had happened, No more than he'd wanted to talk to his sisters about it. Briar just wanted to forget it had ever happened, he wanted to be able to move on the way Evvy had seemed to do. She was young, though, his student; she could find excitement in a new lesson and forget all about her hate and the terrible things they'd all seen. The even more terrible things that had happened to her.
Whatever language he spoke, it was familiar-ish in sound but she couldn't discern the meaning. It sounded Eastern European maybe, or something vaguely in that area, but she'd been out of that area for so long now that she didn't remember much of anything except for the basics. It didn't matter all that much what he said, not if he said it in a language he knew she didn't know. Cassie was willing to let him have that for now because she had to make sure he was okay. Ever since he'd come back from his world with new memories, something was off. She'd been trying not to push too much, but now maybe she should have. Maybe she needed to.
Cassie glanced at the window like he'd suggested and frowned. "Water? What in the hell?" He'd won for the moment as she moved over to the window and pushed the curtains open further, letting sunlight cascade into their room. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. We're on a boat." She turned to look at Briar over her shoulder. "I remember something about this. It happened like three years ago, just before I got to Madison." And they were sharing a room together. Well, it could have been worse.
"You should see this." Maybe if he had another few minutes, she could get him to open up. Although she half wondered if maybe just ignoring it and plowing onward was the better choice.
He was so glad that she'd seemingly latched on to the distraction, that she wasn't asking questions he didn't want to answer. Cassie had seen a lot, just like his sisters had, more than probably and more like the things he had, but he didn't think she'd ever been in a war. She didn't need to know what that was like or the things he'd seen and done and the things that stayed with him. She'd understand, probably, but he couldn't risk her treating him differently or like he was somehow broken because he couldn't just move on and act like everything was the same. The war had been short but he'd been the front lines, he'd had to choose battle magic over healing because he couldn't do both. He wasn't strong enough to do both. No mage was. No one had that kind of magical reserves and as much as he fought being called a child, he was still young. He was strong, but he was no Great Mage. Rosethorn was and she couldn't do both, so he had no chance.
It was nothing Briar wanted to think about, so he slid out of bed, noting that he'd arrived here in his nightshirt, and moved to the window, a sigh of relief leaving him at the sight of the ocean. He'd been more at peace on the sea journey back to Emelan than he had been since before setting foot in Gyongxe. "I remember that," he noted with a nod. He'd been in town when that had happened. A lot of places full of sunshine and new plants. "It was fun. A lot of beaches," which were boring, obviously, by his tone, "but plenty of forests and whatnot too."
He was actually glad it was apparently happening again. He could use the distraction himself, hoped that there'd be some small mercy from some god that wouldn't put him up any mountains. Briar knew he couldn't take that, no matter what company he had. It would be too much like Gyongxe. He barely functioned some days as it was.
Cassie understood well enough to know that he'd been through something rough in his world. She'd gone a good long while without having nightmares like that but she wasn't dumb. She knew what sorts of things caused screams like that. If he felt better looking at the ocean and not talking about it, she was inclined to at least let him settle down before poking at it again. Since he came to stand beside her, she reached for his hand to just hold, as a reminder that she was there and she could help if he'd let her. There really wasn't anything that would make her think less of him but she had her own issues and she knew that saying so wouldn't make too much of a difference. She could show him though.
"Maybe this stupid place will give us some good luck," she mused as she looked out onto the open sea. "There'll always be beaches, but so long as it's not all beaches, it can't be all that bad." Cassie wasn't one to have hope though, at least not lately. It had just been a lot all in a row and she'd been so relieved that Briar had come back with his memories that she hadn't been willing to rock that boat too much. She laced their fingers together and turned to look at him with a soft smile.
"I'm sure we'll find some mischief to get into either way." Sharing a room would probably ruffle her parents' feathers, but she didn't care. It seemed like Briar needed her more anyway and she was still a little sour with her mom for what happened in her world.
He didn't fight when she took his hand, but he trembled and there was a tension in him that hadn't been there before his trip home. Things had changed. Briar had changed. And even that little bit of comfort didn't feel right. Why should he need comfort? He hadn't been hurt, not permanently anyway though he did have a long scar on his leg to make sure he never forgot, his time as a prisoner had been short. He'd come out of it all better able to defend himself, with stronger magic, and he shouldn't bleat about it because at least he'd come out. He'd been able to go home and reunite with his sisters and even find their closeness again. He'd gotten out.
But every time he closed his eyes it was as if he never had. It was every terrible thing he'd seen and imagined and worse than that. Every time he heard the right kind sound or smelled the right scent, he was right there watching people die and not able to help them. Even if he needed her comfort, he didn't deserve to have it.
"I would have thought you'd like beaches," he commented, trying to keep his tone light, putting a smile on his face. He didn't wait for an answer, pulling his hand away from her and turning to look over the room. "There were clothes last time." He was willing to bet there was again. "What do you say we take a look around and find some of that mischief?" He hoped that pulling open doors and drawers would distract her from the fact that his hands were still shaking, that he couldn't quite steady his breathing. He knew where he was and that he was safe but sometimes the dreams didn't leave him that easily.
What he wanted, needed, was a garden to lose himself in for a while. He probably wasn't going to get that any time soon.
She didn't miss his reaction to her taking his hand but that also didn't make her reconsider. If he wanted her to let go, he was going to have to pull away. When he did, she held back a sigh. "They're alright," she conceded, "but it's not like I want to spend however long this trip is working on my tan." Cassie'd definitely gotten more than a bit of color courtesy of working in his garden so she wasn't quite the whitest of white girls around anymore. "I care more about what colors are in my hair these days." Greens lately, with some blues and purples mixed in. They were all neon bright and impossible to miss, just the way she wanted it.
Crowding him seemed like a bad idea so she took a seat on his bed since it was closest to the window. "Toss me something to wear then," Cassie said, seemingly disinterested even though she was watching him closely. "We can find whatever mischief you want but we could always talk about whatever's bothering you, too. When you're ready." Just saying it once would hopefully be alright, to just put it out there that she would, indeed, listen if he chose to confide in her. She wasn't going to push or beg or plead or anything like that, but it was important that he at least knew she was there for him.
Without really looking, Briar just tossed her a few things, found himself a shirt and short pants that looked both uncomfortably and comfortably like home. "It's just a bad dream," he tried to dismiss but it didn't sound genuine even to himself. "There's nothing to talk about."
Except there was. There was so much to talk about. Every single thing he'd been through that had hurt and scared and left scars both visible and not. It was something to talk about, and if Tris had her way when they got home he'd have to do. If he tried to avoid it, there'd be a healer sitting there waiting for him when he got home some afternoon whether he liked it or not. And it wasn't like he could run even if he wanted to. He had nowhere to go, and his sisters were just about all that he had in the world. Them and Rosethorn and Evvy were the only people he genuinely cared about. In Madison Valley he'd add Cassie to that list, probably Paige and her little ones too while he was at it but Cassie for sure. A short list.
At least he didn't think she'd pressure him, he liked her for a reason and she had enough in common with Daja and Tris that she could hear it and not judge his response, but she'd let him share in his own time, if he wanted to at all. He didn't think he would have told any of his girls if he hadn't been forced to.
"I'm fine," he assured before just stripping down right where he stood, back to her at least. He was still too used to living on the road to worry about who was nearby.
Cassie caught the clothes deftly, although she wasn't really paying attention to that so much as she was trying to figure out what the best way to approach all this was with him. Letting him come to her, that was probably better. Getting stuck in a cabin together would at least increase the chances that he'd come clean. Maybe if she did about her own drama, he'd feel more inclined to open up about his. Except she wasn't really interested in testing that theory.
"Okay," she said, knowing full well it wasn't just a bad dream. They both knew it, but she was doing him the courtesy of pretending. When he started to strip down, that was pretty much the end of that. Cassie looked for a moment before she turned around to do the same. If he was comfortable with changing in front of her, then she wasn't going to make a big deal of it either. Besides, he'd definitely seen it all before so what did it matter if he saw her ass or whatever. It wasn't like her skirts left much to the imagination anyway.
Once she was dressed, Cassie turned around again. "Alright then. Time to explore our new prison." She was only sort of enthused about it. But not really.