Steve Rogers (neverdanced) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2018-09-10 01:12:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !narrative, ~2018 september, ~25 points, ~~molly walker (knowswhereulive), ~~steve rogers (neverdanced) |
Who: Steve Rogers and Molly Walker
What: Talking it out
When: Early Monday morning
Where: Their house
Warnings: nbd
Status: Complete Narrative
It broke Steve’s heart to hear that Molly had lost faith in them, even just for a moment. He had no idea where they’d gone so wrong that she would ever think anyone could just stop loving her, had a lot of questions about that and about how she was dealing with her boyfriend being gone, how things had somehow been different before he had been, and more than anything he wanted to be sure that she knew she was wrong and do something to make sure she was okay. She had to be okay. The poor kid had been through so much, always come out the other side of it fighting, an her parents were always going to stand up and fight to protect her from everything they possibly could. There was nothing anyone could do to protect anyone from the dome, though. The only way was to not connect with anyone, and Steve wasn’t going to let his kid live her life that way, no matter what she thought she wanted.
Bucky had breakfast on, her favourites weren’t that hard and Steve made his way to the living room. He sat on the floor beside Molly sleeping on the couch, taking her hand and making no move to wake her. It was early enough still that there wouldn’t be anyone else stirring for a while and if they did, usually would just in time for Bucky to be finishing up in the kitchen, but if anyone did come down before she’d woken up and they finished talking, he’d quietly send them on through to the kitchen. Everyone was worried about the kid, but if things were coming to a head he and Bucky needed to handle without interruptions for now. So Steve waited quietly, just holding his kid’s hand and watching her sleep, saddened to realize that even then she didn’t look like she was happy. He could see the track marks of dried tears against her cheeks and the dark circles beneath her eyes, the slight crease in her forehead that he’d never realized before then probably meant she was holding something in.
He didn’t have to wait very long, the quiet puttering in the kitchen and the smell of food starting to cook probably rousing her. She turned and stretched and still Steve didn’t release her hand, held on even after she blinked her eyes open at him, every semblance of peacefulness fading into sadness and worry. Steve hated seeing her like that, but he knew when to be careful with how hard he pushed. He’d learned that much in their years together.
“It’s time to talk, kid,” he said gently. He’d waited long enough, until she was ready and she’d rightly gone to Bucky first. He’d done the heavy lifting and opened the door, now it was up to Steve to take full advantage of the chance before she closed off to them again.
“I don’t want to.” She probably wasn’t fully awake yet but maybe for this there was no better time. He could get her going before she was.
“I know.” Boy did he ever know. But he wasn’t giving her a choice anymore. “But I need to know what’s going on in your head after what you were talking about last night.” He’d heard about it, didn’t like any of the information he’d gotten from Bucky, wanted to hear it all right from her so he could start on setting her straight.
Molly turned her face into the couch, but didn’t pull her hand out of his and that was a good sign, so Steve let her, just squeezed her lightly. “Do you remember what I told you back during the countdown?” he asked, deciding that was probably as good a place as any to start. “That I wouldn’t trade having you for anything?” She didn’t answer him right away so he just kept going. “What about the part where I told you I’ll stick with you forever if I have any say in it?”
She nodded, still didn’t face him, her answer muffled in the cushions. “You won’t get a say.”
“You’re scared of us disappearing too?” That wasn’t the real problem, the way he’d heard it, but if he could get her talking about anything at all it would help. She didn’t answer, though, just nodded again. This time, at least, she turned her face to look at him again and Steve shifted so that he was looking at her straight on, still holding her hand as he reached his other hand to brush her hair back. “Okay. It’s alright to be afraid of that. There’s nothing any of us can do to control it.”
No matter how much the scientists tried to understand and manipulate, to make sure people like them remained there safe and happy. Whatever it was that kept them there, it was far beyond anyone’s understanding and they could all only hope that there would come a time when they were all there by choice.
“I hate it,” Molly answered, eyes bright with tears again. She looked like that too often these days. Hopefully this all would be the end of it and she’d go back to the smiling, happy girl they all knew. “This place takes away everyone I love.”
“Molls, if anyone knows how you feel about that, it’s me.” Steve had been through the same kind of thing with Skye. His first a lot of things and she’d been taken away from him too. He got it. “But listen to me. None of this is ever going to mean that Buck and I have stopped loving you. There’s nothing that’s ever going to make that happen, understand?”
She looked at him, quiet for a moment, drawing a long and shuddering breath before she answered, her voice small and hesitant. “What about when the baby comes?”
“We’ve all got more than enough love to give. The baby’s not going to change how much you mean to us,” Steve told her patiently, really wished she’d voiced her concerns about that a lot sooner, so they could reassure her before the baby was already well on the way.
“What about your stupid princess?”
With a hum, he nodded thoughtfully. “Shuri’s important to us.” He wasn’t going to lie about it; Shuri was very important for all the things she’d done, and all the things her brother had done. “She did a lot to help Bucky, and me; we owe her a lot. But you’re our kid, not her. So maybe we pushed a little too hard wanting you guys to be friends, and for that I’m sorry,” he wouldn’t apologize for the both of them, that wasn’t as heartfelt and Bucky could make his own amends with her. “But I’m sure you heard that it was because there’s no one else we’d trust with the job of making her feel at home.”
“Dad said that too,” Molly said with a nod, curling into herself. “But it’s like you guys care about her more than me.”
“I’ll tell you what.” Steve intentionally lowered his voice, turning it into a bit of a secret just between the two of them. “I don’t like anyone more than you.”
That got a smile out of her, and it was the first moment Steve thought he might actually be getting through to her after all. She was hearing him, that was sure; whether or not she believed it was still questionable. A smile didn’t always mean anything, but he hadn’t seen her doing too much of that, especially in his direction, for the last few weeks. It had to be a step in the right direction, toward helping her fix things and get back to herself.
A smile didn’t mean they were done, however, and Steve just squeezed her hand again. “So come on. Talk to me about what’s going on in your head. What about all this it was easier with Liam stuff?”
It was clear she didn’t want to talk about that either, but he’d gotten his foot in the door and gotten her going, knew her well enough to know she’d keep going now if she was at the point of wanting to get it out. Which it seemed like she did when she moved to look straight at him. “I always knew that he loved me,” she explained, tears starting to fall and he wanted nothing more than for her to have a day without them again. “And I could tell him that I hated you guys trying to make me be best friends with your new favourite and stuff. I...I dunno.”
She might not, but hearing her explanation for himself, Steve did. He’d been a reassuring confidant, and without him she didn’t feel like she had an outlet. She had to be feeling lost, a little stranded, confused, and it was no wonder she’d started to bottle things up when she’d always just lashed right out before. Trying to protect everyone from exactly what had happened, probably.
“C’mere,” he said softly, tugged her hand gently until she sat up, moved up to his knees himself and pulled her into a hug. Steve didn’t just hand out physical affection that way. It meant something when he did. “I don’t care what you’re mad about. You can always tell us. We need you to tell us, okay? We’re not always going to know if we’re doing something to hurt you if you don’t.” They couldn’t read her mind. They didn’t always know what they were doing and sometimes they were going to make mistakes. She needed to help them as much as they were going to try to help her. “From here on out, do you think you can promise me you’ll let us know if you’re feeling like we’re not paying enough attention to you or you’re starting to feel like you need a little extra love?”
“I’m not a little kid,” Molly protested, sounding very much like one, feeling very much like one bundled up in his arms like she was.
“No, you’re not,” Steve allowed anyway. “But I don’t want you feeling like that because you thinking I could ever not love you? Nothing could be further from the truth. And I’ll tell you right now that Bucky? Feels exactly the same way. But we’re not always going to be able to see what you need, so you’ve got to help us be here for you.”
Molly just nodded, pressed her face into his shoulder, and at least the tears this morning didn’t come in body wracking sobs. He couldn’t count the number of times his heart had broken listening to those lately.
“Do you promise?” he prompted, got another nod and a murmured agreement, just left it at that while he held her, let her cry it out, a few moments longer than that while listening to movement in the house. “Think you feel up to some breakfast? Starting to smell pretty good in there.”
Molly gave a watery laugh and nodded before pulling away, rubbing her eyes. “Yeah. Okay.”
“Okay.” Steve waited for her to get up on her own before following, put his arm around her shoulders and let her go at her own pace, just sticking protectively close. Nothing was fixed completely, but at least he’d gotten her word that she’d talk to them and that was a start. The rest would just be on them to keep proving that she was always going to be important to them.