InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm no one at all"

Jill Mastrano (needstobreathe) wrote in madisonvalley,
@ 2018-03-29 10:17:00

Entry tags:

!closed, !log, [plot] rise of the guardians, jill mastrano (needstobreathe), ~2018 march, ~25 points, ~~jordan parrish (ineededachange)

Who: Jill Mastrano and Jordan Parrish
What: She's grieving
When: Backdated to last night, after Dagny's death announcement
Where: Parrish's apartment
Warnings: Talk of death, nightmares, everything else TBA
Status: Closed/On-going

Why did this place keep taking people away from her? Even when it gave them back, it just took somebody else away eventually. Jill was just waiting for the time when it gave somebody back and they didn't remember her.

The fact that Dagny would be back wasn't really helping her much at the moment. She didn't care that Dagny would be a tiny child when she was back, she would still be her friend. Dagny had seen her through shit, now she would see Dagny through shit in return. That was what BFFs did, man. At the moment, though, all she wanted to do was fall apart. Johnny and Izzy were busy with Max, though, and needed to get whatever sleep they could manage when they weren't taking care of him. So she'd pretty much bolted as soon as she could -- remembering to leave a note, barely -- and taken off for Parrish's.

"You are so lucky I like him," an exhausted Chris muttered from behind her, where he was resisting the urge to prop himself up with the opposite wall. "I'd have made your ass stay home if I didn't."

No he wouldn't have.

Jill had stopped actively crying, mostly, but she was still teary and red-faced and very obviously upset over something.

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ineededachange
2018-03-29 03:28 pm UTC (link)

Nightmares were a thing. He had been having them since he'd come back from his visit to Beacon Hills. Now that he knew what he was, and actively remembered what had happened to him to allow the hell hound in, and all the things he'd had to deal with since the beast took up residence. They were suddenly worse, and it seemed everyone in town, at least the people who weren't from Madison Valley, were having nightmares too.

He'd been keeping his distance from Jill, for obvious reasons. She didn't need to deal with him in his current state. He wasn't sleeping, and was slamming back the energy drinks like there was no tomorrow, just to keep his eyes from closing. The result was that he was high strung, and ready to snap at a moment's notice.

And then she was there, at his door. He looked past her to Chris, who looked about as weary as Parrish felt. He stepped back, holding the door open and motioning for Chris to come in too. Parrish trusted Chris to subdue him if necessary, and that wasn't going to change just because the man looked like death himself. He knew Chris could and would over come his own nightmares to take Parrish out if he showed the slightest threat to Jill.

"Hey. I'm...I didn't expect to see you." He wanted to hug her, but was afraid to, given they were both in highly tense and emotional states.

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needstobreathe
2018-03-29 04:47 pm UTC (link)

"I know, I'm sorry," she said, managing a slight smile. Very slight, but it was there. "I'm... I just... I needed somebody."

"Not it," Chris said, lifting his hand as he headed for the kitchen. "I'll be in here making a pot of coffee. For myself. You two find your own. He hurts you, Jill, drown him in his own bodily fluids."

"He's such a cheery jerk when he's sleep-deprived, isn't he?" Jill rolled her eyes -- but it had her laughing a little through her tears, which she knew was what Chris had mostly been going for. She was teary as soon as she sobered, though. "It's... it's Dagny."

She wasn't sure if he'd seen the network or not.

Jill bit her lip, twisting the hem of her shirt in her fingers as she said, "I got a letter from her... she's gone, Jordan. She's dead."

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ineededachange
2018-03-30 02:32 pm UTC (link)

Chris was a first class asshole. Parrish knew that. And was glad to see that wasn't going to change just because there was a traumatic and tense situation going on. Oh, he knew Chris could be a source of comfort, if he needed to be. But since Jill had come to Parrish, he didn't need to be, and the best thing he could do really, since he had to be with them, was to be his usual ornery self.

Parrish hadn't seen the network. He'd been deliberately ignoring it. He didn't need to see people talking about their nightmares. He had his own to deal with. He had a restless hell hound pulling at him; he needed to be focused on himself to keep the monster at bay.

"Oh Jill. I'm sorry." He wrapped his arms around her. Nightmares be damned, he was going to give his girlfriend the comfort and support she needed.

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needstobreathe
2018-03-30 04:05 pm UTC (link)

It took Jill a moment of clinging to him before she had herself together enough to say, "She... her letter said she reincarnates, so she's not gone forever, but..."

This sucked, this really sucked. She didn't want to talk about it, but she had to. She had to in order to tell him what was going on. "I know what it's like to die, Jordan. I don't know how she died, but... I know what dying is like and I know what it's like to come back. I know it's going to be different for her, but..."

Jill trailed off, knowing she was an incoherent rambling mess. Only difference from usual was how much sleep was -- wasn't -- behind it.

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ineededachange
2018-03-31 02:28 am UTC (link)

He knew what it was like to die too. Now that he remembered the explosion, and the hell hound taking over. It wasn't the same, not even close. But he had, literally, been blown to bits, then put back together in a matter of seconds, but a creature from hell.

He let his fingers trace lines on her arm as she talked. He didn't interrupt, he just let her talk, let the words spill out of her. He hated that she was going through this, that she was dealing with this in the midst of the nightmares.

When she trained off, he pulled her to him again, holding her close. He kissed her temple. "I'm sorry, Jill. I know that doesn't help, but I'm here. I'm right here." He didn't promise he'd stay, because he knew all too well it wasn't up to him. But he would always be there for her, as long as he was in Madison Valley.

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needstobreathe
2018-03-31 06:04 pm UTC (link)

"You damn well better stay here." Not entirely serious, she knew the dome could send either or both of them back at any second, but she could be allowed to be grumpily demanding about that at the moment, and forgiven as well. Because it was normal, and they needed all the normal they could get.

"I mean, I know I can lose friends at the whims of this place. I know that. I know I can lose loved ones. But I didn't think "lose" meant "dead"."

She buried her face in his neck for a moment, just enjoying the fact that he was there for her. After a moment, she pulled back, trying to wipe her tears from her face. "God, I'm sorry I'm bothering right now. How bad are you falling apart?"

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ineededachange
2018-04-01 03:49 pm UTC (link)

"I'm..." Parrish sighed and looked down for a moment. His eyes closed, he took a breath. "I'm all right. It's not so bad. Really."

It wasn't. He hadn't killed people because of the beast inside him. He'd been involved in some pretty weird stuff, sure. But that was life in Beacon Hills.

"I mean, it's a lot to deal with especially the way it's coming at me. But it's not so bad that I can't focus on you for a little while."

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needstobreathe
2018-04-03 03:47 pm UTC (link)

"Remember I said to drown him if you need to!" Chris yelled from the kitchen.

"Eavesdropping asshole!" Jill yelled back; she was tired enough that any filters she had, any at all were absolutely gone like a gone thing.

She laughed slightly. "On the bright side? We can fall apart together. I mean, at least I've got you. It could be worse. It could definitely be worse." She was scrambling for whatever shreds of bright spot she could find; she was always the one who could find that sort of thing, and now she was failing, and it made her feel very small and very helpless.

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ineededachange
2018-04-03 09:10 pm UTC (link)

"I hope you burn your mouth on the coffee!" Parrish yelled to Chris. He didn't mean it, not really. He liked Chris. Respected him. But the man could be an ass. Even he would admit to that, though, so it wasn't really an insult.

"It could be. But we have each other." He nodded. he hadn't known Dagny well, and this was the absolute worst time for her to die. But Jill was right. She had him. And he would be there for her as long as the dome didn't take him away.

He led her to the couch and sat.

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