Who: Veronica Mars & Steve Rogers What: Nightmares Where: Their bedroom When: middle of the night Tuesday Warnings: nightmare related things Status: complete gdoc
Veronica was far enough removed from most of her trauma that her nightmares were few and far between these days. Whether that was because she had managed to work through the trauma or gotten really good at repressing it was anyone’s guess. All she knew was that it was rare for her to wake up screaming, especially in the past year since she and Steve got married and she moved in with him. His presence made her feel safe and secure and kept the nightmares at bay.
Which was good, considering that both Molly and Bucky suffered from them the worst of everyone in the house, for good reason, and it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to end up seeking comfort in Veronica and Steve’s room when things got exceptionally bad.
Tonight was apparently the exception to the rule. Veronica tossed and turned as the images played through her subconscious.
She was trapped, beating on the roof of the freezer, screaming until her throat was raw.
The smell of smoke filled the air and she tried to kick the door open, unaware that it was locked tight from the outside.
“No, no, no, HELP,” she called out in her sleep, her arms and legs fighting against the blanket that covered her.
***
Steve wasn’t a deep enough sleeper that he hadn’t noticed how restless Veronica was. It didn’t take a genius to know it was caused by a nightmare. Steve had more than his own fair share of those, had come awake from one himself, lying awake and watching her in the dark when the restlessness started. Knowing a little of her past and knowing how dreams could be, he chose not to wake her immediately when he realized. It might not be all that bad, might be something she could get through on her own, and if she could Steve wanted to let her. Veronica was fiercely independent, and he had a deep faith in her strength.
When things shifted for the worse, though, he moved to rest his hand on her shoulder, shaking gently. He couldn’t let something bad enough to have her crying out for help continue.
“Veronica.” His voice was gentle but loud enough to get her attention. He hoped. “Wake up.”
***
His touch had Veronica bolting straight up, gasping for breath, and it took a few moments before his voice penetrated the fog of her nightmare and she realized that she was in bed with Steve, not back at that abandoned house trapped in a freezer by Aaron Echolls.
She needed a minute to catch her breath and then reached for the bottle of water next to the bed, taking a long drink before screwing the cap back on and setting it down again. Only then, when she felt like she’d managed to compose herself at least a little, did she turn to face her husband.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
***
There wasn’t a single thing to apologize for in Steve’s mind. He just sat up after her, a little more slowly. He didn’t offer any reassurance right away, didn’t immediately pull her in to comfort her even though that was exactly what he wanted to do. Her bad nights were so rare that even after a year he hadn’t completely managed to get a grasp on what she needed, and this was by far the worst he could remember seeing.
Finally he just let his hand rest against her arm, quiet support and invitation if she needed something more, and gave the apology no notice.
“You okay?”
***
“No,” she admitted, her voice quieter than usual as she leaned against him, needing to feel his solid and safe presence. It had been years since she’d had such a vivid nightmare about the ordeal she suffered at her ex boyfriend’s father’s hands and she couldn’t begin to imagine what had triggered it tonight. Every once in a while, the lingering scent of bonfire smoke would cause her to have a bad dream, but they hadn’t had one of those at the house since Bucky’s birthday and that was weeks ago.
Veronica hated feeling helpless, vulnerable, or weak and right now all three were so overwhelming that she felt like a newborn kitten. She shifted again, burying her face against Steve’s chest as she breathed in his comforting and familiar smell.
***
At least it was an honest answer; Steve probably wouldn’t have believed her if she’d said she was okay. He sighed softly, immediately wrapping his arms around her when she shifted toward him, pressed a kiss against her hair.
“I’ve got you,” he promised quietly. Whatever happened, no matter what, he was going to be there and he was going to protect her. He didn’t need to say all of that to know that Veronica knew it. They’d talked about it before, about the lengths he’d go to protect his family, he’d confided that he didn’t like the person he became when that was necessary. There was nothing to fight here, though, nothing to hurt, and so all he could do was offer safety and stability, try to comfort her because she needed it more than he ever would.
Steve was used to dealing with his nightmares, barely even gave them a thought most of the time.
***
Veronica clung to him, not ashamed to admit she needed his strength and protection right now. Aaron Echolls was long dead, there was little chance that he could ever hurt her or anyone else again, but right now, in the aftermath of such a vivid dream, she was that vulnerable seventeen year old again and needed the reassurance that she was safe.
“I can’t even remember the last time I had one that bad,” she said, her voice a little scratchy from the silent screams she’d been making in her sleep. Her throat actually felt a little raw, like it had when her father first pulled her out of that freezer all those years ago. She knew this was the worst nightmare she’d had since they got married.
***
“Worse than the time you called me out of bed?”
They’d barely been seeing each other back then, but Steve hadn’t hesitated to hop in the truck and go over to comfort her. She’d needed him and he might not have been in love with her yet but he’d definitely cared about her. At least this time he was right there, could easily just put his arms around her and offer some kind of comfort.
It might not be much, but it was something and if it was what she needed, Steve would give it forever.
***
That had been so long ago that Veronica almost forgot about it and she shuddered as she remembered that the cause of her nightmare then was because she was being haunted by Aaron’s ghost in a bout of town weirdness.
“I think that was worse,” she said. Mostly because she’d woken up alone that night, though she remembered how gentle and supportive Steve was when she dragged him out of bed in the middle of the night. “But mostly because I was actually being haunted.”
She really hoped this wasn’t a repeat of that.
***
Steve didn’t know if he agreed with her assessment, definitely thought she’d seemed more together and less shaken back then, but he was willing to admit that maybe she’d been putting up a front. Their relationship then wasn’t what it was now and he’d certainly tried to paint himself in a better light sometimes.
“It was the same thing you were dreaming about, though, right?” It was an educated guess. The bad ones were often about the same things.
***
“Yeah,” Veronica said. It was really the only thing she ever had nightmares about consistently. Even her encounters with Lindsay hadn’t sparked that kind of ongoing issue for her.
At least Steve knew the details and she didn’t have to try and talk about it. She wanted to push it out of her mind and focus on the good things, like their marriage and trying to start a family, but she knew that she wasn’t likely to get much more sleep tonight.
She sighed. “I should just get up and do something. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep again.” And she didn’t want to keep him awake.
***
“Want me to keep you company?” Steve didn't sleep much anyway, never minded being pulled out of bed for anything, especially not something important like his wife’s peace of mind.
But he knew that sometimes, it was better to just be alone, and he wouldn’t judge her for needing some time away from him to deal with things on her own. It wasn’t as though he could actually protect her from anything she’d been dreaming about. The best he could do was be there with her and if she didn’t need that, she didn’t need it.
He usually preferred to be alone on his worst nights.
***
Veronica didn’t feel like she needed to be alone to deal with her nightmare, would prefer not to be, in fact, but she would feel guilty for keeping him up so she shook her head. “You can go back to sleep,” she said. “I’ll be alright.”
There was probably some work she could do. Or maybe read a book. Something to occupy her mind so she didn’t let her thoughts slip back to the past.
***
With a faint smile, Steve leaned back to look at her properly. “That wasn’t the question. I’m not going back to sleep regardless so I’m going to ask again. Do you want me to keep you company?”
A simple yes or no was the only answer he was going to take. There was no room for feeling guilty or for make excuses if she wanted to say yes. He was going to be getting up either way, maybe go check on the kids, sit outside for a while with the dog if Veronica didn’t want him there.
***
They had obviously been together long enough for Steve to understand how her mind worked and Veronica ducked her head, letting her hair fall in front of her face for a moment. She wasn’t sure why she even tried to hide anything from him.
“Well, if you’re not going back to sleep and I’m not going back to sleep, why don’t we stay right here,” she suggested, biting her lower lip as she looked up, her eyes almost sparkling like they usually did.
***
There were very few, very rare circumstances when Steve would roll his eyes. And Veronica almost managed to make him do it right then. Leave it to his wife to turn any situation into a bit of a joke.
It was actually something he liked about her, that ability to make light of everything. He tended to be a lot more on the serious side so they balanced each other out.
“You’ve got something of a one track mind,” he teased gently. He didn’t really mind much. It was a track that benefited him too.
***
“Have you looked in a mirror lately?” Veronica teased right back. “You’re lucky I ever let you out of this bed.”
She loved Steve for a lot more than his looks, but the fact that he was gorgeous and designed to be the perfect male specimen certainly didn’t hurt anything. “If you’d rather not though…” she trailed off, fairly certain that he would deny that.
***
“Now I didn’t say that,” Steve did in fact protest immediately, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’m just thinking it’s not very gentlemanly to put the moves on a gal in a delicate state.”
A pretty bad dream left someone feeling shaken and vulnerable, in his experience. Not really the time to be thinking about trying to fool around with her. It was a completely different story if she was suggesting it herself, though. If it came from her then it was what she wanted to deal with her fear, and he wouldn’t dream of denying her that.
It was hard enough to deny her any time she looked at him the way she did anyway. He never really wanted to say no to that kind of offer.
***
Veronica smirked, giving him no warning before pushing him down on the bed and straddling him. They both knew that he could easily stop her if he wanted to given her slight build and lack of super strength and she appreciated that he let her pretend she had the upper hand. Right now, more than anything else, she needed to feel like she had control over something in her life. If that meant fooling around with her husband, well, it was a hardship she was willing to endure.
“Not so delicate now, am I?” she asked lightly before leaning down to kiss him.
***
He let her push him down without a hint of resistance. He couldn’t imagine ever genuinely complaining about that and if she’d rather spend their time doing that than talking about the past that haunted her, at least that was something he could do. He’d worry about her no matter what, but as long as she seemed okay, that was probably the best he could ask for.
With a quiet chuckle he just shifted to get comfortable quickly, arm sliding around her when she leaned down to him.
“I stand corrected,” he joked, just as lightly, breaking away after a moment.
***
The playful banter was exactly what she needed right now and she grinned. “Actually, I don’t think I’m going to let you stand for a while. I’ve got you right where I want you.”
Maybe it wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism ever, but it worked for Veronica and was a lot more fun than doing work in the middle of the night. Besides, they were still actively trying to get pregnant so that was a good excuse for having sex as often as possible.
***
It wasn’t as though Steve had any room to talk about healthy coping mechanisms anyway. Avoiding dealing with things was exactly his own method of coping, piling distraction upon distraction until things were buried and forgotten. That was probably exactly the reason why Steve still had nightmares about his past. He’d just never dealt with any of it. A lot of what he’d seen and done was no worse than any other soldier, a few exceptions but for the most part, but it had been event after event and even if he’d wanted to deal there hadn’t been the time or the leisure.
He wasn’t worrying about himself right now. He was worrying about Veronica and healthy or not he was going to help her bury her dream.
“Is that so? I guess I’m just going to have to let you have your way with me.” Clearly no hardship at all.
***
“Your life is so hard,” Veronica teased. “I don’t know how you deal with it.”
They all had difficulties in their pasts, but by and large, they had good lives here in Madison Valley. She wasn’t going to think too much about that now though. Or about her life back in Neptune. All she wanted to do now was focus on having some fun with her husband.
***
“Stubbornness.”
Everyone knew Steve was stubborn, even he did, though it was rare for him to poke fun at himself for it.
He didn’t give her much of a chance to say anything about it though, just pulling her down to kiss her again.