Steve Rogers (neverdanced) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2018-03-08 17:32:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !completed gdoc, !log, ~2018 march, ~25 points, ~~steve rogers (neverdanced), ~~veronica mars (veronica_mars) |
Who: Steve Rogers and Veronica Mars
What: Moar Srs Talks
When: Thursday night
Where: Their house
Warnings: Talking about sexytimes sorta?
Status: Closed/Complete
With everything that had been going on in their lives lately, Steve had let his conversation with Bucky float around in the back of his mind. Never forgotten, there just wasn’t a good moment to talk to Veronica about it. And he’d decided he should. He loved her, was beyond lucky that she’d agreed to build a life with him, and he wanted to know what she thought about the whole situation with his friend. He’d put a lot of thought into it, and if it was something that she was willing to give her blessing on, it was something he wouldn’t mind trying out. But right now, whatever was going to happen was completely in Veronica’s hands. She just didn’t know it yet.
Things had been quiet for a day or two before he finally worked up the nerve to do it. He held onto the thought all day long, went to work, had dinner with everyone, wound up getting into it with Molly after the third time he’d told her to put her phone away at dinner, helped everyone to clean up and spent some time drawing until everyone started drifting away for the night. A few minutes longer he lingered, did eventually go upstairs.
Quietly closing the bedroom door behind him, he didn’t go directly to get undressed and join Veronica, instead moving to sit on the edge of her side of the bed. He’d thought long and hard about how to start this conversation, how to present it in a way that hopefully wouldn’t hurt her or make her think the wrong things, but rather than saying anything he just impulsively leaned down to kiss her.
Steve wasn’t the impulsively affectionate sort most of the time, and he hadn’t meant to be so obvious.
***
There was never a dull moment in Madison Valley and the past couple of weeks were no exception. As much as Veronica loved the life she had here, she got tired sometimes of the constant craziness. Especially now that she and Steve were trying for a baby. At least the panic over the potential of being pregnant with Bucky’s baby was in the past.
She noticed that Steve seemed a bit more pensive than usual this evening though she couldn’t imagine the reason. After dinner, she spent a little time with Molly who was upset by her argument with Steve, and then headed to their bedroom to do a little reading before bed.
It wasn’t a surprise when Steve came into their room, but it was a surprise when he sat next to her and leaned in to kiss her. “What was that for?” she asked, her tone inquisitive. She would never complain about kissing her husband though it was a bit out of character for him to be so impulsive.
***
Impulsive was very in character for Steve. Most of the time. Except when it was something big like this that was going to affect their life no matter what way it went. There was a time he’d have run head first into it regardless. He’d calmed down a lot since coming to Madison Valley. These days he realized that some things needed a lot more thought and a lot more consideration.
“I can’t just want to kiss you?” There was a flicker of amusement through his eyes, but he knew he was giving himself away. Even when he wanted to, he didn’t just walk up and kiss her, usually took a longer way about doing it, was affectionate in other ways first. And besides, he’d probably been obvious about having something on his mind. Steve knew Veronica knew him well enough to have recognized it.
***
“Sure, you can,” Veronica said easily. “But you usually don’t.” His impulsive actions tended to be more about saving people or the world or whatever. Not interpersonal things.
She definitely knew him well enough to know that there was something on his mind, but she didn’t have a clue what that might be and she was curious. Whatever it was, she had no doubt that they’d work through it. Four years in Madison Valley meant they were both pretty flexible and prepared for anything the town might throw at them.
“So what’s up?” she asked as she reached for his hand.
***
With a soft smile, Steve took her hand, looking down at it in his for a moment. “Things have been pretty crazy lately.” And so maybe this wasn’t the best time to talk, but who knew when things would go crazy again and Steve had given his word that he wouldn’t leave Bucky waiting too long. He’d already done it longer than he’d have liked and his word given to his best friend was too important to let sit any more. “The timing could probably be better, but. There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”
It was something that was important, to him, to Bucky, and Steve knew that would mean something to Veronica. She cared about Bucky too, though just how much he wasn’t sure he wanted to know, was definitely sure he couldn’t handle knowing yet. It was something that needed to be talked about, or it was going to end up just sitting between them, an elephant in every room, for the rest of their lives.
***
Veronica could tell that whatever it was Steve wanted to talk about was pretty serious. Or at least he thought it was. That meant she refrained from making a joke even though she kind of wanted to ask him if he was pregnant.
“We remember who we are, we’re in our bodies with our own memories, and there aren’t a dozen little kids running around calling us Mom and Dad, so I’d say now’s as good a time as any,” she said. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
***
Luckily for Steve, he’d been thinking about this long enough, planning to do it for long enough, that he knew exactly what he needed to say. He wasn’t going to be fumbling to explain what he was thinking for once.
“Bucky and I had a talk a few weeks back. About what happened while Kara and I were in each other’s bodies.” There was no need to elaborate on that, to say what part he meant exactly or to clear anything up. They’d talked about that, and it had been an arrangement they were both comfortable with. “He told me he’s been thinking about the possibility of us doing it again, while I’m myself. He talked it over with Kara, and she’s okay with it, so he came to me to see what I thought. If…it’s something I’d want.
“I’ve been thinking about it. And what I came out with is, I think I do want to give it a try. But,” he was quick to barrel on, sure to lose his nerve if he stopped before he was finished and the part that was most important to him was still unsaid. “I only want it if you can promise you won’t be hurt. Neither of us can promise it’d only be a one time thing, we’re walking into new territory here even thinking about it, and I need you to know that I want this life with you more. I don’t need your okay on this to be happy, so if you need to say no, that’s fine.”
This time, Veronica was more important than Bucky.
***
As soon as he got started, Veronica knew where this was going, but she listened patiently while he rambled. It was really pretty adorable and she couldn’t help smiling as he talked. When they started dating, it was immediately obvious that Bucky was an important part of Steve’s life and she’d been hearing Molly describe him as her dad’s old timey boyfriend for a long time.
She was quiet for a moment when he was finally done and she squeezed his hand while she tried to decide the best way to respond. It would be mean to just laugh when he was being so earnest.
“Honey, if you want to have sex with your boyfriend sometimes, I’m okay with that,” she said.
***
The smile didn’t make any of it easier to say what he needed to say. But it was important that he got it all out. It was important that she knew he wasn’t asking because he didn’t love her. He wasn’t asking because he needed to, he was doing it because Bucky was his friend and Steve was curious about a part of their relationship they’d never considered before.
A little of the tension in his shoulders faded away when she said yes, and for the briefest moments he smiled.
“You keep calling him that,” he pointed out. At first he’d taken it as joking, as coming from spending a little too much time with Molly. He was starting to think that wasn’t it at all.
***
“It seems accurate,” Veronica said. Honestly, it was probably a little too mild of a description for the relationship between the two given everything they’d gone through, but it was also kind of amusing to think of two guys their age being boyfriends.
Sometimes she was a little immature.
“What would you prefer I call him?” she asked.
***
It was a mild description for the relationship he had with Bucky. Theirs was a relationship that defied any label they tried to put to it, especially these days, with things changing like they were.
“He’s my friend,” Steve said simply, giving a half shrug. It wasn’t really a good descriptor, but Bucky was very much that, and was always going to be that first. “And that’s...not really the question right now.”
He needed them both to be completely sure. He needed to be convinced that he wasn’t just looking for her to say no so he’d have an excuse to turn Bucky down. Steve wanted to, he was sure that he did, but was less sure that he could.
***
Veronica leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Steve, I love you. And I married you knowing full well that Bucky was always going to be an important part of our lives.” Just because the dome accelerated the whole wedding thing didn’t mean she went into it without a full understanding of what she was getting into.
“I know you love me and you don’t need this to be happy. But I also know it will make you happier and I’m okay with that.” Steve deserved every bit of happiness he could have in this town and Veronica was self aware enough to understand that his love for Bucky didn’t lessen his love for her.
***
For a second, Steve let that sit between them, the assurance and the totally unselfish giving. Veronica constantly proved herself even more amazing than he’d ever have guessed. He’d always known that she was better than he deserved and that he was lucky to have her in his life but at every turn she made him more so.
“I love you.” She knew it, had just said so, but Steve saying the actual words was rare enough that it carried a lot of weight. It meant something. It meant a lot. It wasn’t easy for Steve to actually tell anyone that he loved them, he always showed them instead, in whatever way he could. It was something he’d always be working on.
“If you’re sure you’re comfortable with it, okay.” He did want to give it a shot, and wouldn’t press if she was sure. “You can pull the plug any time it turns out you’re not.” It was a lot of trust, to put that completely in her hands, but Veronica was his wife and that meant everything to Steve. She was what was most important to him. His friendship with Bucky wasn’t going to change if they didn’t do anything, they just needed to know where they stood.
***
“I’m sure,” Veronica said. “Though I do have to ask. Am I allowed to play with Bucky too?”
She was mostly kidding, expected the answer to be no, but she couldn’t deny that she’d enjoyed being with him when they all lost their memories. Obviously they didn’t have the kind of history that he and Steve had and it would make more sense for her to ask if Steve wanted to sleep with Kara again. Which, honestly, she wouldn’t be opposed to either. She knew that he had to hold back a lot with her for fear of breaking her and if he wanted to occasionally have some fun with someone more durable, she was okay with that.
***
That gave Steve pause. He hadn’t been expecting her to ask exactly what he was and though he really was trying to be more open minded and progressive, needed to be if he was going to do the things he wanted to with Bucky, that he couldn’t say yes to as easily as Veronica had to his request.
“Do you want to?” he wondered, brow furrowing slightly. He knew, of course, that they’d slept together while not having their memories, knew first hand that Bucky knew how to show a girl a good time. Probably better than Steve could himself, though that was a difficult comparison for him to make. He couldn’t exactly blame her for wanting that.
***
If Veronica had any inkling that Steve thought he wasn’t able to satisfy her in bed, she would be smacking him. Hard. So it was good for both of them that she wasn’t a mind reader. “Not really,” she said. “Just wondering how far we were taking this.” Those few days when none of them had memories, the idea of all four of them being together wasn’t all that terrible.
“I mean, I would also understand if you wanted the opportunity to be with someone you didn’t have to worry about breaking,” she said. Of course, Bucky fell into that category too.
***
It wasn’t that Steve thought he couldn’t, it was just Bucky was much better at it. Probably. And that was okay.
“He and I only talked about...he and I.” Because they had a history, a lot of feelings that they’d never realized they had or they’d needed to resolve. There was a lot between them that they’d just let be there for a lot of years, and they wanted to resolve it. “But if you decide that’s something you want, I at least owe it to you to talk about it.”
His first thought was no, absolutely not, he wasn’t okay with that. She was his wife. But at the same time he knew it wasn’t fair to ask her to be okay with him being with Bucky occasionally and turn around and say she couldn’t do the same.
“And for the record, I don’t worry that much about breaking you.” He had to be conscious of his strength, yes, had to be careful not to hurt her, but it was in his nature to take things a little more gently with the people he loved.
***
Veronica nodded. Of course Steve hadn’t realized that she was largely kidding when she asked if she got to play with Bucky. Right now, with them still trying for a baby, she had no interest in being with anyone else. Maybe that would change in the future. “If I ever think that I might want something like that, we’ll talk about it,” she promised.
Given the reading she’d done on pregnancy, there was a strong possibility that she’d either have an insanely high sex drive for a while and he would welcome some help in keeping her satisfied or that she would feel so bloated and disgusting that the idea of being touched would be met with revulsion. Or both could happen. Regardless, at the moment, she was perfectly content with her husband.
“This is about you and Bucky though,” she said. “And you have my blessing.”
***
He didn’t ask again if she was sure, had to trust that if she wasn’t she’d have said so right away, had to trust that if she changed her mind at any time, she’d say so.
So he just smiled at her, squeezed her hand and leaned in to kiss her again. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve someone like you.” She really was even more wonderful than he’d ever imagined he’d have in his life. “But whatever it was, I’m glad I did it. Thank you.”
It really did mean a lot to him that she was willing to be open to something like he was asking, that she was giving him permission without even a moment of hesitation. He’d talk to Bucky tomorrow, if they could catch a minute alone to do it; he’d left it waiting long enough.
***
“And see, every day I wonder how I got a guy like you to give me the time of day,” Veronica said, snuggling against him. “Because, as you may recall, I was something of a hot mess.” She was still embarrassed about some of her behavior after Gunn’s disappearance from town, particularly on the cruise.
They were lucky to have each other really. “So… wanna try to make a baby?” she asked, waggling her eyebrows at him.
***
Steve had never, not for a second, thought that Veronica was a mess. Her reactions to her own life had been hers and he’d never hold them against her. He was still sure that he was the one who really won out in their relationship.
He smiled slowly at her offer, the clear shift in tone. He always felt a lot better after talking to her, was always glad that they had the kind of relationship that he could feel comfortable talking to her. “Is that a question?”
He was always interested in trying with her. He didn’t hesitate in shifting to move completely onto the bed, pulling her along with him.