WHO Lucas Friar & Riley Matthews WHAT A Very Important question WHEN Valentine's Day WHERE Out and about WARNINGS Sad feels STATUS Closed | Completed gdoc
It was so nice to get to spend Valentine’s day with Lucas. From the first day that Riley had seen him on the subway, her very first day riding the subway to school with Maya, she’d known that it would be. Lucas was smart and kind and gentle and really good looking and she was pretty much the luckiest girl there ever was ever because he’d picked her. Of all the girls in all of New York and all of Madison Valley, he’d picked her.
Riley could quite happily dream about a future with him. She wasn’t ready for the one that had been shown to them time and time again but knew that Lucas knew that and understood that and he’d never pushed her for more than what she was ready for. Which maybe one day soon, she thought, would be something like the first time they’d seen their future. When they’d thought they were seventeen, or close to it in Riley’s case, and spent the night in the back of Lucas’ truck, kissing and touching and looking at the stars. He was seventeen now, actually. So maybe that was right on track. Maybe trying to take another extra half a step in their relationship could be his Valentine’s Day present. Even though she’d also gotten him a little something he could use if he decided to work with horses in the summer like he’d said he wanted to.
They’d gone for a drive, she liked sitting in his truck, just talking with the radio in the background, stopping every now and then to turn it up as loud as they could stand to sing along. It was the perfect way to spend the holiday for her. Just with him, just being them, no pressure and no expectations. She waited patiently, sort of patiently she was excited, for Lucas to park somewhere, like they always did for a little while when they went for a drive, before immediately rifling through her bag. “I got you something!”
She loved the giving part of all holidays.
***
The thing was, Lucas did know how not ready she was to be married right now. He loved Riley though, and all those glimpses into their future just assured him that she was The One. Capital letters and all. There wasn’t anyone else he wanted to be with for the rest of his life and even if Riley got sent home tomorrow, he’d wait forever until she came back or he went home to join her.
Going out for a drive was their thing, so it was a no brainer to do that on Valentine’s day. They could’ve done the movie thing but he didn’t want to pressure Riley into something she didn’t want if they were to win the raffle for the hotel room. He could tell she was getting a little impatient to find somewhere to stop for a little but he had a destination in mind so he kept on going until they hit a little overlook that gave them a good view of Madison Valley.
No sooner had Lucas put the car in park had she announced she’d gotten him something and went rifling through her bag. “I got you something too,” he replied his hand sliding into his jacket pocket to assure himself that said present was still there. He’d let her give him his present first though. She seemed really excited and he didn’t want to make her too impatient.
***
She’d sent him something earlier in the day too, the same kind of Valentine’s Gram thing that she’d sent to a lot of people though, ecstatic at being able to do something nice for almost everyone she could think she knew at all and at the same time do something for charity. But because he was her boyfriend, she’d wanted to do something extra special for him.
Digging a small, flat box out of her bag, she held it out to him with an enormous smile. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Inside was a pair of sturdy work gloves. She’d asked people what would be good and what kind was best, and those ones in particular had come very highly recommended. It had taken a couple weeks of allowance to afford them, but Lucas was worth it.
***
Lucas took the box she offered and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you, Riley," he replied, before he sat back in his seat to open up the gift. The gloves were really thoughtful and obviously of a high quality so he knew she probably saved up to buy them. He was struck by how completely lucky he was to have her by his side and it just made him more sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
"These are amazing, thank you!" he gushed, and although he was careful with them, he did set them aside to give Riley a proper kiss in thanks. "I love them," Lucas added as he pulled away. "And I love you, too." He couldn't get down on one knee or anything, not in the truck, but he thought that was okay because he knew they'd be engaged for years. He could propose again once she was ready to get married.
"I love you so much." He took both her hands in his as he continued, "I knew it from that first day on the subway when you fell into my lap that you were someone special. I've gotten to share my life with you, the good times and the not so good times, and the crazy Madison Valley times. We got to see glimpses of our future, but if I'm honest? I didn't need to see them to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Lucas pulled one hand away to fumble in his jacket pocket for the ring box. He definitely wasn't being very smooth. "I know we're not ready to get married anytime soon, but you're it for me. You're The One." He opened the box to present her with the ring. "Riley Matthews, will you marry me someday?" He was so earnest and happy, because he couldn't imagine her saying no.
***
She always felt fluttery when he kissed her, or said he loved her, and for a moment Riley was just that much more convinced that it would be okay to go a little further than they usually did, that it was okay and she could be ready for it. She wasn’t thinking about anything like going all the way but a step in that direction and the promise of one day, that wasn’t so bad. She could be okay with that.
She really, really wasn’t ready for what came out of his mouth after that.
Her eyes widened in panic as he spoke, wanted to scream for Maya but knew she want there to hear it and so the name died in her throat. Instead she gawked at him. She wanted to be gentle, and explain to him that she was way too young and really not ready to be thinking about things like that. She was more worried about her homework and whether or not Lucas was going to sit with her at lunch without being invited. All she had room in her mind for was normal sixteen-year-old things and getting married wasn’t even on the table for her yet. Maybe someday she could think about it. But not yet. She wasn’t ready to think about marriage yet. Not even close and she wanted to explain that to him in a way that wouldn’t hurt so much.
What came out was a lot more blunt than she wanted.
“No.”
***
It took him a minute to realize something was wrong. Lucas had read her shock correctly, but not the panic behind it, but when she wasn’t smiling or bouncing or any of the other things Riley did when she was happy, he knew he’d made a mistake. Still, it completely broke his heart when she said no.
“But- But it’s not for now,” he hastened to explain. Maybe she just didn’t understand what he meant. “I know we aren’t going to get married now or soon or anything like that. I’m not expecting anything to change right now.” He was pleading with her to understand that. “But I don’t want to marry anyone else and I know that now. Why do we have to wait until we’re older? I love you and I’m always going to love you.” Surely that was enough.
Maybe he should have listened to his Dad.
***
“I don’t want that yet,” Riley tried to explain. She wanted him to understand they she didn’t mean no never, in a few more years she’d be ready, had seen a version of herself that was, but that wasn’t now. That wasn’t for a long time. When they were older. “I do love you, Lucas,” she didn’t choose the word very often, stuck to really like because that was more her, “but I don’t want to be engaged.”
And she’d thought he’d understood that about her. That she needed to go slowly and how could he think she was ready for something like that? At sixteen? Even her parents had been older and they’d known each other forever and ever.
It didn’t matter that it wasn’t getting married right away. That it was a promise for some day. Things would change and more than Riley was ready for them too. She’d barely decided to try being a little tiny bit more physical. Engaged was way too scary and way too much.
***
Lucas frowned, but he did close the ring box and put it back in his pocket. He shifted so he was facing the steering wheel instead of her because he was just confused. They loved each other. She’d said it herself. She didn’t want to be engaged now, but that ‘yet’ and the fact that their future selves were engaged just proved to him that they would. What difference would it make if they got engaged now or a couple of years from now?
“Nothing was going to change,” he repeated, but his tone was as defeated as he was. Lucas wasn’t trying to change her mind. If she’d wanted to say yes, she would have. He didn’t want to convince her of anything. Still, things were going to change now. He’d scared her. Spooked her. Would they not get engaged until even later now? What if she broke up with him for good? Had he ruined everything.
“Should I- do you want to go home?” He had a picnic for them, and some music he had wanted to share with her because the songs reminded him of her. But if he’d ruined it, he wasn’t about to make her spend more time with him. Lucas just didn’t know what to do.
***
She didn’t want to fight, but he was wrong. Things would change if she said yes. She didn’t want to say yes now, and he didn’t understand that the person she would be one day wasn’t the person she was right now. He didn’t mean to be, she was sure, but he was pushing her to grow up a lot faster than she wanted to. She needed some time.
The offer to take her home stung. It felt like rejection, like he was pushing her away because she’d hurt him and Riley did understand that. She wouldn’t want to spend any time with her right now either. Dropping her gaze to her hands in her lap, moving so she was faced away from him too, she nodded quietly.
“That’s probably a good idea.” She hated it, though. Riley never wanted to leave someone she cared about, one of her best friends and someone so much more than that, hurting. But she wasn’t the one to make him feel better right now. She would only make things worse. She’d hurt him and he wanted to get away from her. She’d let him.
***
Lucas didn't want to take her home, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He couldn't bring himself to apologize for proposing, at least not yet. Their Valentine's Day was ruined though and it would be something they'd always remember. How had his older self not warned him? Was this it? Were they done for good? He couldn't take not knowing so by the time they hit the actual road again, he blurted out, "Do you hate me?"
He chanced a glance at her but then put his eyes directly back on the road. Lucas was a good driver but he was always extra careful whenever anyone else was in the car with him, especially Riley. He just had to be sure that he hadn't completely screwed everything up. He was so stupid. Why hadn't he listened to his dad?
***
Riley looked at him, immediately horrified that he would ever think she could possibly hate him. He was the first boy she’d ever liked, even before she’d come here, and that was always going to mean something. Even if this meant that they weren’t going to be together anymore, that he didn’t want them to be because she didn’t want what he wanted yet, she could never, ever hate him.
“No!” It was important to her that no matter what he knew that she loved him. “I’ll never hate you, Lucas.”
Really hating someone probably wasn’t even something she was capable of.
***
He glanced at her and winced, misinterpreting the horrified look as more of a ‘Why are you asking? Of course I hate you’ kind of thing. It did make him feel better that she wouldn’t ever hate him though, when she made that clear. It was just painful because she didn’t want to be with him.
“Okay,” he replied. He tried to smile a little but that didn’t really work. Lucas continued on the road back into town and just didn’t say anything. He was worried that if he did, he’d make it worse.