Kaleb Krychek (kalebkrychek) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2018-01-24 17:12:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !closed, !completed gdoc, !log, ~25 points, ~~kaleb krychek (kalebkrychek), ~~~sarissa (ladyofsummer) |
WHO: Kaleb Krychek and Sarissa
WHERE: Interior of his house
WHEN: Following this post
WHAT: Kaleb needs someone to link to in the fading of his link to the Net
RATING: PG
STATUS: log; completed
Kaleb felt Sarissa reach out as the link to the Net faded back. It carried with it the feedback his brain desperately needed to survive. He had lowered his shields to a dangerously low level to allow him to seek out Sarissa. It had taken time to find her and during that period, fear and panic at the darkness and crushing loneliness and despair nearly sucked him under. In the end, even though he heard her voice, fear made him recoil from the idea of what linking to her meant. His need to survive won. So he reached out once more…. A delicate thread of his power reached to Sarissa and he felt her warmth, the heat of the summer sunshine, the smell of blooming flowers and fertile earth surround him. Kaleb gasped at the power he felt as she ‘caught’ him in his freefall. His power responded in kind, swarming back towards her, the blackness of obsidian swirling around her warmth and pulling her towards him. Weakened by his struggle to maintain his feedback link to the Net and overwhelmed by the powerfulness of the link forged with Sarissa, Kaleb lost consciousness. *** Sarissa hated having people in her head. As a Changeling in the faerie Court, she had been subjected to all kinds of telepathic invasions: people forcing images into her head; people yanking them out. She’d been controlled against her will. She’d lost memories and friendships. So when Kaleb first started reaching out psychically, she slammed down a barrier between the two of them and got annoyed. He’d never tried to connect with her telepathically before, and he’d stated outright that he wasn’t going to pry in her mind. She was just preparing to give him a push back when he reached out again, and this time, even through the barrier, she could feel the aching loss and loneliness - and fear - that radiated from him. It such a deep, desperate vulnerability she’d never expected to even catch a glimpse of from him, and she responded immediately. She reached out, giving him something to hang onto, and when he passed out, she teleported to him. He was a big man, but thankfully she had telekinesis. She moved him to his bed, where she pulled the covers over him, and waited for him to wake up. She had no idea what had just happened, but she knew it was big. She was going to have to find out. *** Having not passed out since he was very young and first entered into the brutal regime created by Enrique, Kaleb was not prepared to lose consciousness. He had been standing in the midst of the nearly empty house he had built when the contact with the Net began to fade. There were only the barest of furniture in the house, though he had invested in what he considered the most important piece - a bed. The bed was a large imposing piece - taking up nearly all the floor space in the smaller bedroom. It had evolved from a ultraian implement to rest on to something that more exemplified Kaleb’s interest in more aesthetic things. Covered in dark rich colors and soft blankets and silky sheets and a veritable mound of pillows, it was the ultimate in comfort. Even unconscious, Kaleb sprawled across the wide space, taking up more than his lithe frame would seem to require. Nearly ten minutes passed before Kaleb swam his way to the surface of his mind. His head pounded and his body shook slightly, a sign he had deeply depleted his reserves. As he took stock of things, Kaleb realised he was in his own bed. How had he gotten here? He pried open eyes and looked around the room. Spotting Sarissa, he realised what had happened. He closed his eyes and rubbed a hand across his face before opening them once more and turning those black eyes to the female he now found himself irrevocably bound to. Slowly he rose to a seated position on the bed and asked, “How long was I out?” It was cold and practical and allowed him to ignore the thrum of her magic settling into the bond with his. *** Sarissa hadn’t felt the bond while he’d been unconscious, but as soon as he came to, she felt his presence in her mind. He filled it like he filled a physical room: strong and imposing. Stars above, what had she done? She didn’t want his presence in her head. She didn’t want this kind of closeness to anyone. But somehow, she had it, and she couldn’t seem to shake it. “Just a few minutes.” She stood from the chair she’d fashioned out of the wood beams of the house. When she did, it shrank down to the usual floor. “What happened?” Now it was her turn to try to conceal her panic. *** Slowly Kaleb pushed back the covers. He slid to the edge of the bed and stood on shaky legs. Laying in the bed left him feeling more vulnerable than he cared to be at this particular moment. He didn’t need to analyze himself to understand why he detested being vulnerable to anyone or anything. His black eyes turned to the bed and he realised he hadn’t the power left even to straight the covers on it. Kaleb swore softly under his breath. This was not acceptable. Without a word, he strode from the room to the minimal kitchen. Wrenching open a cupboard, he pulled out a protein bar and began methodically eating his way through one, ignoring Sarissa’s question for the moment. With two bars ingested, Kaleb felt the shaking stop as the power loss stabilized. He was finally able to answer Sarissa. “My link to the Net faded,” Kaleb answered, back to his cold tone and rigid stance - a way to protect himself from the new vulnerability that he faced. “I need the feedback it provides to live. I attempted to retrieve the link and strengthen it, but I am too far from it to impact it. In order to live, my mind reached out to you and grabbed hold.” *** Sarissa gave him time to collect himself. She’d learned patience in her time in the Court, and she could sense her own unease settling as he rebuilt his barriers around himself. As it did so, she was able to focus more on his words. The idea of links and nets were completely new to her, though she could tell it was a critical part in his functioning. So critical he’d never even hinted at it before, probably so as to not open him up to that vulnerability. “Tell me about the Net,” she ordered. She wasn’t prone to being demanding, but for something as crucial and potentially life-changing as this, she needed to know what she’d gotten herself into. *** Long fingered hands spread wide as Kaleb searched for words to describe what was fundamental knowledge to every Psy. After several minutes passed, Kaleb found a comparison. “Think of it as the network we use to communicate, but instead of connected by the internet and wires and devices, it’s minds. Each mind lives partly on the Net at all times, garnering energy and feedback from the process. The Net is a network of information though perhaps more hazardous than the Internet. Children are born and brought into the Net immediately. Without the feedback the net provides, they will die. As we get older, the need for its feedback is just as critical.” A cold smile touched his lips. “If you wish to watch a Psy die painfully, cut them off from the Net.” Kaleb pulled out another protein bar and ate it just as methodically as the first two. “When I originally arrived and until earlier today, my connection to the Net, though faint, was enough feedback to keep my mind stable. Today the link faded back further.” Anger and frustration made him crush the packaging in his hand. “I attempted to reestablish it myself, but my power and reach were not enough. In my weakened state, my mind searched for another place to find the needed feedback.” Violent waves of emotion flowed off of him as he heaved the packaging against the wall, pushing the cardboard into the wall in his fit of frustration. “The logical place is to build a link with someone. My mind choose the other mind that fit well with mine - yours. Now we are linked together with a bond that….” Kaleb didn’t have words. His arm swung out and his fist plowed into the wall, bending it around his fist with telekinetic power. *** She felt his frustration at that moment almost as keenly as if it were her own. Or was it really her own? Was that going to be the situation now? That the bond would make them so closely linked that she wouldn’t be able to tell which thoughts were hers and which were his anymore? No, she couldn’t let that happen. She already had too much to keep under control; she couldn’t handle having him in her head as well. She put up her barriers again, just as she did for the Mantle, and stood. “Is the feedback biochemical in nature? Has anyone tried to replicate it outside the Net?” *** Those black eyes were dark as possible as Kaleb considered the dent in the wall. Slowly his power eased it back out and he thrust his hands into the pockets of his slacks. He took several deep breaths in and out, focusing on regaining his calm, cold natural state. Closing his eyes he stepped out on the mental plane and looked at the connection between them. As his shields were still lowered, feedback flowed between them - his obsidian darkness winding around her warm light. The yin and yang of the bond was clear in his mind and was near perfection when considered from an aesthetic point of view. A gentle mental finger reached out and touched it and a shudder of mental pleasure ran down his spine. His physical body took another deep breath in and out and Kaleb worked to build a barrier between himself and the bond. It was enough to allow him to feel separate from her and he felt relief. There was still the needed feedback, but he didn’t feel like he was living in her electric skin. Slowly he repaired the majority of his shields, though they were weaker along the bond between him - but the rest of the world was decidedly shut out. Opening his eyes, he noted that she had done something of the same. They were both more comfortable now, without the other so prominent in their mind. Each of them needed individual space. “No. It’s psychic in nature. Psy have left the Net, but have always needed to build a Net of their own - usually by a forged bond with another person. It is never been replaced by mechanical or chemical means - though many have tried.” *** “So now we’re psychically bonded, and if we break that bond, you die?” What a terrible predicament for both of them. He was at her mercy. What if she cut him off, or she died, or she went back home? What would happen to his need for feedback then? And for her: what an immense responsibility it was to have for someone else, and to have him in her headspace. Sarissa sat down again, the wooden floor coming up to mold itself into a stool for her. She needed to take this all in. *** “I’ve never experienced this kind of bond myself so I cannot answer your question with experience,” Kaleb started, watching her carefully. Now that he was more in control, he was able to discuss what had happened coolly and logically. “The information I have is from others, but it is believed that loss of the connection would kill both parties.” Kaleb moved and leaned against the wall, watching Sarissa carefully. His black eyes gained some of their light back as he considered her. If he was going to pick someone to be joined to, Kaleb would have picked her. They were ideally compatible. On the other hand, both of them were suddenly vulnerable to the other and neither of them enjoy such feelings. It may be different if it had been a choice, but the lack of choice pinned down both of them. While a good portion of him was angry about the lack of choice, Kaleb knew that there was a part of him that was pleased to have a reason to keep her around. “The question is not how do we get rid of it, but how do we live with it.” *** Sarissa didn’t want to live with it. She’d spent so many centuries avoiding any kind of entanglement of any kind so she wouldn’t feel responsible for anyone or leave herself open to that kind of vulnerability. But what else could she have done? It sounded like he wouldn’t have survived if he hadn’t latched onto her. “How do Psy on the network live with it?” Sarissa didn’t think they’d be in each other’s heads all the time. There was no way Kaleb would stand for it. It was just a matter, then, if somehow maintaining their mental privacy. *** Kaleb shook his head. “Psy on the Net have skewed this kind of connection since Silence was implemented,” he explained. “The knowledge I have of the bond comes from those not on the Net, who are not living lives as traditional Silent Psy. The Silent would not…” Kaleb paused to consider his word choice. “Tolerate such bonds. It would seem highly unnatural and distasteful. Silent people do not need attachments such as these - attachments made by emotional bonds.” His lithe form moved to be beside her, sitting down casually on the floor. “Those I know with this kind of bond have forged the bonds with those they care about deeply.” Again he hesitated, searching for words in a manner quite unlike him. Those black eyes focused on the far wall, considering the blank space. “These bonds are typically formed out of love - out of desire to spend a life together - so sharing thoughts and emotions, from my understanding, bring joy, not discomfort.” A large hand rubbed across his face as he struggled with the frustrating place this left them in. Kaleb felt like all the work he had done to woo Sarissa had now been undone. *** “But you’re Silent,” Sarissa pointed out. “Or at least you want to be. Why would you need the bond?” The idea of this psychic network was so new and foreign to her she was having trouble wrapping her head around what it was and, more importantly, what it meant to be connected to it. She stayed very still as she spoke, not even looking at him. It was a defense mechanism she’d learned from years in the Court: the less she was noticed, the less she could be hurt. *** Kaleb shook his head in the negative - though it was not clear what he was negating. His words would have to explain further. Holding up a single finger, he ticked off the first point. “First of all, my brain, whether I am Silent or not needs the psychic feedback. It ranks right up there with the need to breathe and drink. Without it, whether I profess to hold to SIlence or however I choose to live, I am dead. I need the feedback.” He held up a second finger. “From my research prior to coming here, feedback comes in two forms - joining the Net or a psychic bond. The Net that is created between minds could be small, such as a family group, or as large as millions of people. As I lost my connection to the Net at home, my mind reached out and made another connection - with you - as it knew your mind. It was what my mind needed to survive. I tried many options before I reached a point where that was the only option.” A third finger joined the other two. “I would not label myself, at this time, as completely Silent. I would say that I use Silence as a tool to keep from experiencing emotions too deeply. Too much emotion all at once would overwhelm me - causing a shut down. But, I am not immune to emotion either. Silence is merely,” Kaleb paused and searched for a word, “a routine way for me to face the world.” Reaching out slowly, he took her hand and cradled it in one of his. “Silent people would not desire touch from a person as I do now.” *** Sarissa resisted at first, but after a moment she relaxed and let her hand rest in his. There they sat in silence, until she finally spoke again. “This is not what I wanted.” Her voice was flat. “It’s not what I ever wanted. But I couldn’t let you die either, not when I could do something about it. So what do we do about it? What have people who’ve been in their own nets done to keep their identities separate?” *** Holding her hand helped Kaleb. Why it did, he couldn’t clarify, but it did. His thumb traced over the lines he found on her palm as he thought about her questions, pondering the best answer. “I do not have the best answer for your questions,” Kaleb started. “But I am sorry that I have done this to you - regardless of the reason why. I would never have chosen this path for us. Such a bond should be an active choice by both parties - not something thrust upon us by circumstances.” What Kaleb kept unsaid was that he had considered this an option for further development of their relationship, but only after other events had taken place. “I do not know how others deal with it. It would not be a topic that I could broach with those who have made such a choice,” Kaleb commented with a slight shrug. Psy didn’t talk about such personal things. His black eyes turned to her, concern briefly flitting across them before they returned to a calm blackness. “I will build the tightest barrier against your thoughts I can that allows for me to get the feedback I need without intruding on your privacy. I don’t know what other options there are.” *** Sarissa turned to face him. “Can you find the feedback from someone else?” Having the physical steadiness of her hand in his helped her too, but her mind was still racing. Aside from the privacy issue, having that bond was a terrible idea for other reasons. Her Mantle was already powerful. If it had access to his powers as well, it would be catastrophic. Although on the other hand, his Silence might actually help tame the Mantle. That was a big “might”, though. There was a lot at risk. *** Fear gripped Kaleb. It was a logical question, but his answer to it was not normal - especially for him. Losing her now would be devastating since he could feel her now and he knew he wanted more with her. It wasn’t an option to walk away. But how did he convince her of that? Sharing minds and emotions was much more than he had planned to ask her for at this point - especially since he couldn’t get her to agree to share his bed. Attempting to bury away the emotions that wanted to flood his senses, Kaleb wrapped himself in Silence, building a wall between himself and the bond, hoping that Sarissa did not sense his fear. Calmed again, he answered the question, “Yes, but that would be an anathema to me. I would rather die than be forced to bond with someone that I could not trust as I do you. Once the bond has been formed, I do not know how to sever it.” That was slightly untrue. Kaleb knew he could sever it, but doing so would be so painful that both of them would be lost. *** She felt that sharp, visceral stab of fear before he managed to reassert his control over himself, and she squeezed his hand reassuringly. She could feel how real his distress was, and she didn’t want him to suffer from the lack of connection to his people. It was just that she didn’t want herself or her Mantle getting caught up in his network. It could be dangerous for not only both of them, but whoever was caught in the blast radius. “All right, let’s work on keeping our mental distance from each other for now,” she said. They’d both been through something immense, and she could see that talking any further about severing their bond wasn’t going to get her anywhere right now. “You’ve just put yourself behind a wall.” Sarissa could feel that, too. “Can you stay there?” *** Putting himself behind the wall had been easily and effortless and it clearly had been the right thing to do. “Of course,” Kaleb said smoothly, “I still get the feedback that I need, so that is not a concern. I don’t need to be actively using the link - it only needs to exist. In fact, it is easier for me to stay shielded from the link as your emotion could easily overwhelm me.” Kaleb rewove the shield he had put into place making it a bit more durable, strands of dark obsidian joining in with ease. Satisfied the shield would hold now without his maintenance of it, Kaleb looked at Sarissa. He could vaguely sense her, but it was more like standing in the same room with her as opposed to being intimately tied into her thoughts and emotions. “I agree that we need the mental distance,” Kaleb agreed. His hand enfolded hers, holding it loosely. “We will continue to go forward from this point. I promise not to use the link for any purpose other than the feedback it provides me. There is nothing active about that.” *** Now that she had her own headspace back again, Sarissa realized she’d missed an opportunity to peek into his mind. It would’ve been bad form, though, just as it would be if he’d done it. She hoped he hadn’t. There was too much there she didn’t want him to see. The barrier was a good thing for them both. She exhaled and pulled her hand away from his. It wasn’t that she didn’t want his touch, just that she’d just been so overwhelmed she didn’t want to add any more to it. She was going to have to go back and let this new bod settle in. “If you’re going to be okay, I’m going to go,” she said. “It’s a lot to take in, and I need time.” *** Without a word, Kaleb let her go. He needed to regain his strength regardless as it would allow him to deal with the whole situation in a better frame of mind. “I will be fine now,” Kaleb agreed. “I shall be here whenever needed.” He hoped it wouldn’t be soon - he rather wanted time and space to work out his own anger and frustration without Sarissa’s interference or inquisitive nature prying in. “Do you need me to take you home?” It was a cool dismissal - further signs of him erecting barriers as much as possible. He assumed she wanted to leave as much as he needed space. |