Sam Winchester [Supernatural] (fireinthesoul) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2018-01-11 20:30:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !completed gdoc, !log, ~2018 january, ~25 points, ~~sam winchester (fireinthesoul), ~~~death (deathisnice) |
Who: DEATH and Sam Winchester
What: Sammy thinks he's cracking
Where: Verdant
When: Thurs night
Warnings: Nah
Status: Closed, Complete
Sammy must think he's going insane. Death certainly wasn't helping his case. She went to Verdant, which was her favorite haunt here. And anytime Sam looked around, either to see who was here or just idly, he'd catch a glimpse of her from the corner of his eye. By the time he'd focus on her she was gone. A half hour later she'd be somewhere else in his peripheral vision.
She wasn't entirely doing it on purpose but she was still mad at him, and she'd let her power out a bit, which meant she was more like her usual DEATH self than Death the nice lady.
A glimpse. A flash of dark hair. Pale skin. Those haunting eyes. But never a good look at her.
***
Sam had always been prone to hallucinations, but he was usually in a bad frame of mind when they manifested. He hadn’t had any trauma recently. In fact things had been going pretty well. He didn’t have a reason to hallucinate, but he had the awkward feeling that he was.
He sighed and picked up a rag to wipe down the bar. And there it was again, a flash of...something out of the corner of his eye. He looked up quickly, but there was nothing there. He frowned and wiped furiously at the surface of the bar.
***
Death was merely making the rounds, talking with those who did not mind her presence. It meant as she moved from person to person she'd reappear in his vision, her anger with the man doing wonders to keep her hidden from him.
She had no desire to run into him after all.
***
Sam got a couple of new customers at the bar, which distracted him for a few minutes while he chatted and fixed their drinks. Afterward, with everyone at the bar content and nursing drinks, he moved around to stretch his legs.
He felt like he was losing his mind. Actually, it felt all too much like when Lucifer first started worming through the cracks in his memory, when the wall Death had constructed in his mind began to fail. That felt like a lifetime ago, and yet Sam remembered every detail as if he’d lived through it just yesterday.
He raised a hand to press at his forehead, his eyes squeezed shut. He wasn’t sure he could handle that kind of hallucination again.
***
His first tip off should have been that memory. DEATH was one of those triggers hanging around in there. The poor man.
The more she chatted it up with people the more likely he was top catch a glimpse of her for longer. A few seconds.then her lilting laugh reached his ears.
***
DEATH was something of a trigger for a lot of things in Sam’s mind, which was a dark and desolate place even without the memories of DEATH kicking around in there. But those memories were very much a part of him, every little death he had experienced, whether his own, his brother, or someone he couldn’t save, affected him deeply.
He sighed and braced both hands on the bar, leaning forward with his eyes closed. He drew a breath, and thought to himself I know you’re here. Stop fucking with my head. In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t need any help with the mind fucking fuckery. He wasn’t attempting to communicate with her telepathically, but was trying to make sense of the disturbance in his head at the moment.
***
Death took notice anyways.
Because it was DEATH. She popped into view. “You really should stop going crazy you know. It isn't healthy. I was only talking to people. Not my fault you didn't see me.”
Which was only kind of true.
***
Sam gave her something of a deadpan look. “Old habits. I mean, you know. I’ve been going crazy off and on since I was a little kid.” Which, sadly, was entirely too true. He didn’t know exactly when he’d started having episodes of insanity, but he knew it had been early on.
Of course it had only gotten worse. Even when he’d parted ways from his dad and Dean, when he’d been at Stanford. Even then...well, it didn’t bear thinking about. He’d thought all the thoughts there were to think already. But now, he had echoes of hell, memories of very real, heart stopping deaths to contend with. It was a miracle he wasn’t a lunatic, stark raving mad in an asylum somewhere.
***
Death could help with that Sam. Though, to be fair, she could help with a lot of things. Moving the souls of the dead wasn’t her only ability, after all. She was all powerful. But she only smiled a tiny bit. One of her usual smiles, that made him think she was up to no good, and really, she probably wasn’t.
“I know that perfectly well. I’m still angry with you. I hope you’ve had time to think of what I said.” she tipped her glass back to drain the last of the drops, watching him out of the corner of her eyes.
***
“Yeah.” Sam sighed. She’d been totally in the right to let him have it the last time they talked. He was being an ass, trying to hide behind niceties, but not really following through. “I’ve thought about it. And I suppose you want an apology. I’m sorry.”
For all that he was being somewhat glib, his apology was sincere. At least as sincere as a Winchester could be. “I know I’m an ass,” he added. He was definitely more polite than Dean, and he wore his feelings more visibly on his sleeve, but he was a Winchester through and through. He could be an asshole, often without even meaning to be.
***
“No, Sam. I don't need apologies. I would much rather you think before you treat me like that again overall. I am no one’s scapegoat.” She set her glass down on the bar, pushing off the counter after.
“You worry about your family. That makes you loyal. To do so you fight what threats you see. Too bad you want to protect them from something so badly, here where the threats are truly minimal, you make mountains out of molehills to do so. Bad things happen but the blame lies with the actual causes.”
Logical death is logical.
***
Sam sighed. He brushed a hand through his hair. “When you first showed up here, it was right after Dean had been sent home. I was a little raw. I took it out on you.” For that, he wouldn’t apologise. Losing Dean always made him raw. And explosively unpredictable.
“But I know it’s not fair to take it out on you, or to keep taking it out on you.” Which he could admit he was doing. It was hard, to reconcile himself with the fact Death was there but not trying to take his brothers away.
“So I’ll try. All right? I’ll try to stop blaming you for things you really don’t control.” She took people to the other side, but she didn’t cause their deaths. Not even Deans.
***
Watching Sam reconcile the facts was a little fun for her. He rarely did when it came to her and so she relished this moment. They are so few and far between.
She had zero desire to take his brothers, or now, his mother, from him. Unless they caused their own deaths, it wasn't under her control any way.
“Thank you. For that, I am grateful.” Because while she could cause death, it wasn't really her job. Or her style. If she had a choice she'd make their lives easier but Destiny had his own plans even she couldn't stop. “I promise, again,I have no desire to take them from you.”
***
Sam just nodded. What, really, could he say to that? After a moment, he rolled his shoulders, until there was an audible pop from his neck. Sighed, he let his arms drop. “Can I get you a drink? Seems the least I can do at this point.”
***
“Maybe later. I should probably skip out so you stop hallucinating.” That was only kind of her fault anyways. Mostly. She smiled, because she knew it bothered him a little, then disappeared without so much as a trace. Just because he apologized didn't mean she was stopping being her,