Who:Treebros Connor Murphy and Evan Hansen What: Evan's worried about Connor Where: The Rogers-Barnes house When:During the Christmas gathering Warnings: YES. Self harm, talk of suicide and possible character death (per canon) Status: Closed, given a separate post so we could lock it and include warnings for sensitive content
Evan hadn't seen Connor for a while. And the moment he realised he hadn't seen him, he started to worry. He glanced around the room, lifting his head more than he had the entire time he'd been at the party. He avoided eye contact as he scanned the area, looking for Connor. He berated himself for letting the other boy out of his sight at all, when he knew how unstable Connor was.
He had a small hope that Turner was with him, or at least knew where he was, but he didn't count on that. Evan had learned a long time ago that there was no one he could count on. He couldn't really even count on himself half the time, but today, he was going to make sure Connor knew that he could count on Evan. He just...had to find him first.
Evan made his way through the house twice, carefully avoiding people while he looked for Connor. Connor was definitely not in the house, and that reality made Evan's heart thumb in his chest. He knew how lost Connor was, how close he was to the desperation of seeing the end of life as his only option. With something of a hurried and frightened frenzy, Evan made his way outside. He didn't take the time to get his coat, he didn't know if he had time For all he knew he might already be too late.
And then what? No. He refused to accept that possibility. He would find Connor and...and what? Talk to him? He might have to rethink his strategy, but it hardly mattered at all if he didn't find Connor. He tore through the back yard, and through the gate to the front. He felt like his heart was going to jump out of his throat when he saw Connor.
He sat hunched over at the curb, his legs crossed awkwardly because he was so low to the ground. He had something in his hands, though Evan couldn't see what it was. Connor had insisted on keeping his messenger bag with him, but Evan had no idea what was in the bag, but he could guess, and he hated himself for not thinking about it sooner. He wasn't foolish enough to think it was something like a keychain or a hair tie, or that he'd simply wanted the bag to act as a shield or something like a security blanket. He'd thought to hide the prescription bottles he'd gotten from the clinic, but he'd never thought to check what was in Connor's bag.
He drew a breath, a thousand thoughts running through his mind. He had no idea what he was going to say, but when he opened his mouth, he started to sing the words he'd say at the school pep rally for The Connor Murphy Project. His voice was low, barely audible, and he drew his hands close to his body to combat the cold.
"Have you ever felt like nobody was there? Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? Have you ever felt like you could disappear? Like you could fall, and no one would hear?"