WHO: Jem Carstairs and Tessa Gray WHAT: Finding out the results WHEN: Sept 14 WHERE: Their house WARNINGS: TBD STATUS: Closed/Completed Gdoc
Jem had taken the chance and had gone to the doctor to get some tests. If he could be assured by medical professionals that his addiction would not hurt a potential child, it could possibly change his outlook on having said children. When his daughter had been here, it had started a private yearning in him to see the girl exist. That was what had motivated this step, although he still feared that it would be entirely in vain.
The doctor had told him that he would contact him by mail with the results of the tests, and that if they were all negative, there was nothing about him physically that could hurt his child. For several days he had waited, growing continuously more nervous, taking to pacing around the time the mail was to be delivered.
Today was no exception.
He had the mail seconds after the mailman had deposited it, and looked through it quickly. When he saw the letter from the Doctor’s office, his face blanched, and he came inside without opening it, forgetting in his agitation to even shut the door.
“Tessa!” he cried. “Tessa, it came.”
***
Tessa immediately came out of the room she had turned into an office. She did not have to ask what it was he was referring to: she had been waiting with just as much eagerness and anxiety as he had.
She saw his face, hopeful and fearful, and she went to wrap her arm around his to give him her support and strength. Whatever the papers showed, she wanted him to know she would not love him any less.
“Do you want to wait for Will?”
***
Jem hesitated. Did he want Will to be there when he opened it? Yes. Did he want to wait for Will? He honestly wasn’t sure if he could. He looked over at Tessa, almost apologetically.
“Do you think he will be angry if we do not?”
***
“I think he would be disappointed,” Tessa said gently. “But I also think he will understand.”
Will knew how important this was to Jem, which was why he would want to be here, with his parabatai, when he opened the envelope. But Tessa knew his first thought was for Jem’s well-being - so if Jem could not wait, he could not be too cross.
***
Jem hesitated. He had no desire to disappoint Will, but the idea of waiting until his parabatai got home was excruciating. So much so that he mentally flinched at even the thought of it.
He looked at the letter, then back at Tessa.
“It could be joyous news or heartbreaking. What will we do if it is the latter?”
***
“It will still be all right,” Tessa said gently. “The results would not change how I feel about you. Nothing will. And if nothing else, at least we will know. That certainty is valuable as well.”
***
The time had come. It was time to open the letter. He took a deep breath as if steeling himself for the worst and then broke the seal on the back. He took out the letter, unfolded it, then read it in silence. His face was a mask of emotions as he did, and it was impossible to tell what he was thinking or feeling.
“I…” he cleared her throat. “There is nothing wrong with me that would hurt a future child of mine.”
***
Tessa waited, her heart in her throat, for Jem’s news. And when he gave it, she let out a small gasp, her hands going to her mouth. “Oh, Jem. That is wonderful news.”
Then she saw his face, and the inscrutability of his expression, and suddenly she was not so sure any more. “Jem, is it not good news?”
***
It was good news. It was fantastic news. And his emotions were overwhelming him to the point he felt he was going to cry; hence his expression.
“It is very good news.”
His voice broke on the last word.
“Very good indeed.”
***
Tessa threw her arms around him, then, and held on tight. For so long, Jem had worried he had been damaged irrevocably by the yin feng. This news was not only good for his chances as a father, but his salvation from the addict he once had been.
“I am so, so happy.”
***
It meant so much to Jem that being “happy” didn’t seem like something he could even understand at the moment. What he felt was just so much more than that. He was free. He could move on from his past, he could be the person he’d always wanted to be, no longer held back by his failings and his addiction. Even when he’d been physically healed, he never thought he’d actually be here. He never thought he’d find his way to normality.
He swallowed, struggling to contain his emotion.
“I….feel…cured. Whole.”
***
“You always have been,” Tessa said loyally. And he had been, to her. He had been the one, in fact, to help her piece together her shattered life. It had pained her to be unable to do the same for him. All she could do was let him know his past did not bother her at all. Now he did not have to worry about even that.
She embraced him again. “Will will be so happy to hear the news.”
***
If possible, he brightened even more at that.
“We will be able to have a family. All of us.”
And to himself, perhaps he would be able to look past the guilt and unhappiness of his past entirely now. Not forget it, no, never, but at least not be ruled by it.
***
“Yes,” Tessa said, smiling broadly. She pulled back, but only so she could take his hands. “We must tell him at once. He will want to know, I am sure of it.”
Will had wanted a family as much as she did. But more than that, he wanted his parabatai happy. This would give him both.
***
“Of course, of course,” he said. He fully intended to tell Will. He wanted to with all of his heart. “But not until he gets home. I want to tell him in person, not over these devices.”
He used them, but he still didn’t trust them. Not for important things, anyway.
***
Tessa nodded. While she trusted the devices more than Jem did, she agreed that this was news best told in person. Will would want to embrace Jem, she knew, just as she had.
She dropped his hands to gesture expansively. “I will ask him to return immediately after work. How would you like to celebrate while we wait?”
***
Jem was thoughtful.
“I think that we should prepare a celebration for when Will gets home. And then start discussing when we are going to start this family that is now a possibility for us.”
***
“Yes, let’s,” Tessa said excitedly. “Perhaps you can get started, while I message him.”
She had been wanting a family for some time now, and she was thrilled to know Jem could fully be part of it.
***
Jem nodded, feeling lighter in his heart than he had in as long as he could remember. There was hope, such hope now. He had not been destroyed by the drug. It had not had a permanent affect on his body, even if it had one on his mind. He could move on from that. He was strong.
While Tessa messaged Will, he went into the kitchen to look for something that might indicate a celebration.
“A cake, perhaps? With blue and pink frosting to indicate children?”
***
“And only blue and pink frosting,” Tessa said, looking up briefly from her phone to grin at Jem. “We shall see how soon it takes for him to catch on.”
She did not think it would take long. Will knew of Jem’s test, and once she told him they had news, it would not take long for him to piece it all together.