Thalia Grace (wasatree) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2017-07-03 21:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !completed gdoc, ~2017 july, ~25 points, ~~luke castellan (heroicsoul), ~~thalia grace (wasatree) |
WHO: Luke and Thalia Castellan
WHERE: Their townhouse
WHEN: Jul 1
WHAT: Discussion of uncomfortable things leads to a possible breakthrough
RATING: PG
STATUS: log; completed
It had been a strange month, even by Madison standards. Thalia was getting used to people coming and going now - sort of - but random trees and jungles showing up out of nowhere was a new one to her. The weird part was that it was a much shorter event than most weirdness; usually they stayed for at least a week. Thalia wouldn’t have minded having the woods around longer; they reminded her of her time in the Hunt, which she still thought fondly of despite not being a Hunter anymore. And she’d managed to hunt down enough game to stuff her freezer and not have to worry about buying meat for several months. She was looking forward to having some of that meat tonight, and she was glad to see that Luke was already home, working on dinner. Between the two of them, he was the better cook - not that it was saying much. Neither of them had had much domestic experience. “Hey,” she said, reaching around his waist to press her cheek against his back. “That smells good.” They were back on better terms now after their last frustrating and uncomfortable discussion about kids. It still hung over them sometimes: Luke’s absolute refusal to consider having kids because he was terrified they’d end up evil as he had, and Thalia wanting to bang his head against the wall because she couldn’t get through to his thick head that their kids wouldn’t ever be put in a position where they’d get tempted by evil, because they - unlike Luke and Thalia themselves - would have parents who loved them. *** “I hope it is,” he said. “It’s just kind of a...casserole...thing but it’s using that meat you brought home. I kinda just added some spices and veggies. And cheese. Always cheese.” He put down the spatula and covered her hands with his. “Did you have a good day?” *** “Because cheese always makes everything better,” Thalia confirmed. She pulled back just enough to peer around his back to see all the fixings in front of him. Judging from the ingredients he was working with, they were at least going to have a nutritious meal - which wasn’t always a thing in their household. “It was fine,” she said, her shrug a tangible thing against his back. “After you’ve fought monsters, keeping drunk guys in check is kinda boring, you know?” *** “It does. Everything is improved by cheese, I don’t care if it’s sweet or savory.” He finished up the little bit of prep he was doing, then covered it and turned around to face her. “Yeah, but we never got paid or even thanked for killing monsters. So, I prefer the drunks.” *** “Speak for yourself,” Thalia said lightly, and she leaned up to kiss him. “I got tons of loot as a Hunter.” She got his point, though. All her Hunter loot couldn’t get her the next Final Fantasy release. “How was your day?” *** “Yeah. I got this lovely, fashionable scar,” he said a bit bitterly. He hated it; hated being reminded of the gods and his failure every time he looked in the mirror. “It was fine. Nothing really out of the ordinary. We’re a bit busier since the boys arrn’t in school all day, but same old same old.” *** “Hey.” Thalia reached up a hand to gently trace his scar. “Your scar is part of who you are. And I happen to like who you are. So don’t knock it too much, okay?” She hated that he still carried so much bitterness around with him, bitterness that affected his life and choices. They had a chance here in Madison to leave all that, but he hadn’t managed to let go yet. *** Maybe it was because that bitterness had defined him for so long, but it was incredibly difficult to let go of. He wasn’t proud of that, but it was who he was. “You like the proof of my failure?” He said, trying to smile, but not quite making it. “Not sure what to make of that, honestly.” *** “I like the proof that you went up against a dragon and made it out alive,” Thalia replied. “Not everyone does, you know.” She hated that he kept focusing on the negative part of that experience, rather than the things he’d done right, rather than learning from the parts that had gone wrong. *** In Luke’s experience, it was wholly negative. He hadn’t even been given an original quest, but had his deeds judged against Heracles. Then, to make it worse, he had failed terribly, bringing shame on his father and in himself. “Yeah, I'm alive, with a scar to remind me of how much I suck. If Jackson had been as bad at quests as me, the world would have been destroyed a hundred times over.” *** “And if I hadn’t been a tree, the world wouldn’t even be in any trouble.” She gave him a cheeky smile, secure in her own ego. She sobered quickly afterwards, though. “Luke, you can’t keep dwelling on it. It’s holding you back from moving on. You’re letting it hold you back. And you’re capable of more than that.” *** “You don’t know what it’s like, Thalia, to be guilty of the things that I am. Every night I think of the people who died because of me. Why am I here and they’re not? Why do I deserve a second chance when they don’t?” He couldn’t understand it, and it ate at him every moment of every day. *** “Hey. Stop.” She took his face in her hands to look squarely at him. “I think it’s pretty clear by now that no one knows how the heck this dome works. That’s not the point. We don’t have control over who gets a second chance or not, but we do have a choice about what we do with that second chance. Like what you’re doing with the boys’ club. That’s awesome. Don’t drive yourself crazy wondering about things you can’t control.” *** Luke knew that it was pointless to argue this with her. Somehow she had found a way to overlook all the evil things he had done, and convince herself that he was a good person at heart. She made him want to be, but he really wasn’t sure that he was. “Right,” he said, deciding to change the subject. “Anyway. I saw Buffy’s back. Is she the same Buffy who left?” *** Thalia gave him a look that indicated she knew exactly what she was doing. “No,” she said. “She doesn’t remember me at all, which sucks. You know what also sucks? You getting stuck in the past. And I get it. I do. You don’t think I’ve had sleepless nights wondering how things might’ve been different if I hadn’t sent you ahead with Annabeth, if I hadn’t been turned into a tree? You don’t think I spent way too much timing alternately hating myself and you for all the deaths that ensued? I more cause to hate you than anyone other than Annabeth - but we both forgave you. And if we can do that, why can’t you?” *** “Maybe because I don't understand how you can forgive me, and I don’t think that I deserve it?” He sighed, moving to the table and sitting heavily, burying his face in his hands. “I think it would be better if people didn’t forgive me. I really do.” *** “It would be terrible if people didn't forgive you,” Thalia said bluntly. She dropped into the seat beside him. “It would be like when you first got here and I was all ready to stab you with my arrows, and we definitely weren't having sex. You seriously think you'd want that more than what you have now?” *** “Want it? No. Deserve it? Yes, absolutely.” He looked up at her, taking his face from his hands. “I love you, Thalia. I do. More than anything. But sometimes it's just so hard for me to let the past go.” *** “I wish I knew how to help you,” Thalia said with a sigh. She was no good with this kind of stuff. She just decided on a course and barreled down it, no looking back. This kind of wallowing she had no idea how to handle. But there might be people who did know. “You know there's that guy who helps with PTSD, right?” she said slowly. “I’d say this kinda falls within that realm. Getting possessed by a Titan has to be traumatizing. Maybe you should talk to him.” *** “PTSD?” Luke scoffed a little. “I gave it to a lot of people, maybe, but I don’t have it.” He denied it adamantly, even as a tiny bit of him wondered if it might be true. “I’m just feeling guilty, and like a piece of shit. Which is how I probably should feel, after what I’ve done.” *** Thalia just looked at him, letting the weight of her silence do all the talking for her. *** He looked at her, frowning. He’d never considered the idea before, and it was a weird thing to think about. “You really think that that mess made me crazy?” *** Thalia nodded. “You were possessed by a Titan,” she pointed out. “Yeah, you made terrible decisions to get yourself there, but the worst of it? That was him in your body. That's worse than mind rape, and I think it’d be silly to not think it messes you up in some way.” *** Luke was quiet for some time as he considered the idea. “Maybe you’re right,” he said softly. “Maybe I should see someone, once at least. I’ll give it a try,” he said finally with a nod. “I mean, it can’t hurt, can it?” *** “It’s better than what you’ve been doing so far,” Thalia said, her own voice softening. “I mean...that hasn’t exactly worked for you so far. Maybe it’s time to try something different.” *** Luke pulled her into his eyes and hugged her tightly. She was right. She was always right. “Alright then,” he said. “I’ll try it. And then we’ll go from there.” Although he might sometimes protest a little, in the end he’d do anything Thalia asked of him. He loved her that much. *** |