Tessa Gray (grayshifter) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2017-07-03 07:25:00 |
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Ever since the children had arrived, Jem’s feelings had been evolving. He was still frightened about the idea of having a child of his own, because he feared what the yin fen had done to him physically. He didn’t want to pass his addiction onto a child. He couldn’t imagine anything more cruel. But he had been thinking, and if the medical knowledge of the day had been able to save him, then maybe it would know if his children would be damaged by what he had done to survive. So when Tessa got home from work, he was waiting for her, pacing a little. “I wonder if we might have a talk?” *** Tessa was returning from a long day of running errands, but her spirits lifted - as they always did - upon catching sight of her husband. Her smile of greeting turned quizzical, however, when she registered his agitation. “Yes, of course,” she said, dropping off her handbag on the couch to go to him. “What is the matter?” *** “Nothing,” he said with a smile. “Nothing. I’m sorry if I alarmed you. First,” he said as she approached, “I must ask you Tessa, and I beg you to tell me the truth...do you wish to have a child of my blood or would you be content with only Will’s?” *** It was an unexpected question, and her face showed her surprise. She knew Jem had been mulling over her and Will’s request ever since they had approached him with it, but this was the first time he had brought up the subject himself. “If you were willing to be a father to a child, Jem, it would not matter whose blood runs in their veins,” she said simply. She thought she had made it clear when they had discussed this subject before, but if Jem was asking now, then she must not have been as clear as she thought she had been. “I do wish for a child, but more than that I wish for a child who is wholeheartedly loved by everyone in this family.” *** “I was simply thinking that...the doctors here have knowledge far beyond what we have at home. Perhaps they would be able to tell us if my child would be harmed by my past.” He was obviously a bit nervous, but hopeful as well. Perhaps he could give Tessa what she desired. *** A spark of joy ignited in Tessa’s heart. She smiled at him, unable to contain her happiness. Jem had been so firm against having the idea of children. This was the first time she had heard him express anything otherwise. “I think it is an excellent idea to find out,” she said, taking his hand. “Then we would know for sure and let those fears rest. And Jem...even if they tell us what you fear...you do not need to father a child to be a father.” *** He’d been thinking about this ever since the children had been here. It had touched his heart to see a daughter of his own body and he had been trying to decide ever since if such a thing were possible. “Then let us make an appointment. And we will decide what we want based upon what they say.” *** Tessa nodded and squeezed his hand. “Would you like Will there as well?” The parabatai were in many ways inseparable - but in personal matters such as this, Tessa knew Jem preferred to keep his own counsel. *** Jem hesitated, considering the question. Will was closer to him than a brother, but he hated letting Will see his weakness. He always had. Will was so very strong and virile and he had always been the opposite of that. “I think...perhaps we won’t bother him with this until we know the result?” *** Tessa bit her lower lip. She did not like to hold secrets from Will, but she understood why Jem would wish to keep something so sensitive and personal to himself. “All right,” she said after some thought. “We will not tell him until we know the result. But Jem, if he asks directly, I do not wish to lie to him. I would only tell him to give you your own time and space. Would that be all right?” *** Jem had no desire to lie to Will either. In fact, he was not certain that he physically could. “That would be perfectly acceptable to me,” he nodded. “Will is a part of all of this. We will simply delay telling him until we have something definitive to say.” *** Tessa nodded in turn and smiled at him. “Then we are agreed.” She felt better knowing that they would not be entirely leaving Will out of something so important. “What made you change your mind on this matter?” *** “Meeting my daughter,” he said without hesitation. “Meeting such a lovely child of my own blood made me wish that it could be true.” He offered her a very small smile. “If there is a chance that I could be worrying over nothing, I want to know. Because I should like to give her her chance to exist.” *** “As would I,” Tessa said, unable to contain her happiness. Jem had been so so adamant against having children or even being a father to her and Will’s children that she had despaired of him ever changing his mind, of having a girl like Min become reality. She was so very happy to hear him decide otherwise. “She was a wonderful girl. I do hope to make her a reality some day.” *** “Perhaps we can,” he said. “Perhaps she is a sign that I have been worrying all this time for nothing.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead softly. “We shall make the appointment, then, and find out for certain.” *** Tessa glanced at the clock. “I think the office is closed now; we can try in the morning. In the meantime…” She gave him the smile that had surprised even Will in its wickedness. “Perhaps we can get in some practice.” *** Jem blushed terribly, but his eyes twinkled brightly. “Ah, yes, they do say that practice makes perfect, do they not?” *** “They do,” Tessa confirmed as she started to lead him to the bedroom. “And we would want to perfect our technique by the one it is required, I should think.” *** “Oh, certainly, I agree,” he said, matter of factly. “After all, if everything turns out in our favor, we certainly want our child to have the perfect conception.” He allowed her to lead him, his eyes twinkling in delight. *** Tessa closed the door gently behind them when they reached the bedroom and took a few steps back, her hands teasingly drifting towards the hem of her shirt. “I believe the perfect conception begins with strategic disrobing.” ***** Jem grinned. “That sounds right to me…” And he sat on the bed to watch her, enthralled by everything about her, in love with the very essence of what she was. |