Who: Dean Winchester and Johanna Mason What: kthx luvu bye When: Tuesday Night Where: Dean’s place Warnings: nothing much Status: Closed/Complete
It was rare for Dean to call Johanna over. He let her show up whenever she wanted, sometimes showed up at her place, but to actually ask her to come to his, that was different. That meant something bigger than just looking to get laid. This was so much bigger than just getting laid.
He’d taken advantage of her being there to do that part anyway. One last time before the wards broke and the Mark was out and he was lost. It was coming.
It didn’t ease the weight in his chest, knowing that he was facing the end, but it was sort of nice to spend some time with the people he loved. Stretched out in bed, he kept the Mark behind Johanna’s back, hoping that it wasn’t too late, that she hadn’t noticed that the wards were almost completely faded.
***
She hadn’t noticed, no, but only because she’d been more distracted by the fact that yeah, he’d asked her to come over. Was now thinking about the fact that he behind her, that she was snuggled back against him. This… was different. Quieter.
It was damn near cuddling. And Dean Winchester didn’t do cuddling. But apparently this time he did, or close to it, and yet she still wasn’t going to call him on it.
What she was going to do was quietly worry.
Because you worried about the people you loved, and she loved him. Even if she’d only ever said it a couple of times, she loved him.
***
Funnily, cuddling was what Dean always wanted, but more often than not denied himself. It was too much like getting close to people, and with the Mark always looming over him, he hadn’t ever wanted that. It happened despite him, he fought it as hard as the evil, but just like he would when the wards finally broke, he’d lost that one.
He wasn’t ever going to be good for someone, but maybe he could have accepted that that was okay if things had been different for him.
“You going to stay the night?” he wondered, voice quiet, available hand brushing lightly, affectionately, across her skin. Only a handful of times had Dean actually asked for her to stay like that. Always on the heels of something bad, when he needed to feel loved by someone. Usually he just didn’t tell her to go, or did.
If this was it for him, he wanted to give Johanna the kind of thing she deserved.
***
“If you don’t mind,” she said, her voice equally quiet. “I promise not to hog the covers. Much.”
Light words to cover the worry, worry that she was pushing aside. He didn’t need to know that she was worrying about him. And even if he did maybe need to know it, this wasn’t the time for that. This was for those rare moments when they let themselves think for half a second that it wasn’t entirely painful to care.
Except this just made it more painful in the long run.
***
“Hog all you want,” Dean said generously. Just this one, he didn’t mind. Just this once, because of what this was, he was going to give her anything she wanted from him. Would that make things harder for her, probably. But would it give her a good memory, definitely.
That’s what Dean wanted out of everything he was doing these days. He was just looking to give everyone something good to remember about him.
***
“Don’t say that or I’ll end up burritoing myself and you’ll be out in the cold,” she teased. “Do not end up making yourself regret it.”
It was nice being able to give him shit like that. Okay, yeah, so she gave him shit… well… eight million other times of the day, but this was different. Comfortable.
And damn it, she liked being comfortable with him. She knew she shouldn’t, that she just shouldn’t get too comfortable with him in general, but sometimes she couldn’t help wanting it.
***
“I mean it.” Even if he did wind up regretting it, he meant it. This might, was very likely to be, the last time they got to do something like this. It was probably the last chance Dean would have to show that he loved her, if not say it in so many words. He was going to make it count. Like he’d done with everyone else he’d done his thing with so far, he was intent on leaving a final good memory.
Something to offset what was coming, what someone would have to do. He hoped Sam would be able to go through with it. It seemed right that he be the one to end it, sad as that was.
For one night, Dean wasn’t going to allow himself to dwell too deeply on that. “Just understand I’m not above fighting dirty for my blankets.”
Whatever that might entail.
***
“Do not make me knee you in places you appreciate and enjoy using, Dean,” she threatened, laughing. “We both remember what happened the last time I did that -- incapacitation for twenty minutes and a total mood killer.”
Except it was them, so the mood had only been killed for about ten of those minutes.
“But I think I’ll skip the burritoing,” she decided. “It’s much more fun sharing the covers. Especially since we occasionally lose half of them in the process.”
So they got enthusiastic on occasion. So sue them.
***
With a low chuckle, Dean just shifted a little, pulling her closer against him, making a little show of tucking the blankets around both of them.
“I like the way you think.” He’d miss that about her, when he was gone. He’d be going downstairs, that was for sure, none of that happy afterlife looking down on the people he loved, but he’d remember. He’d remember her. He’d remember this.
He could only hope it wouldn’t be ruined by Hell like everything else about him was.
“But, hey, if you’re gonna lose them, I can think of other ways to keep you warm.” There was no mistaking exactly what he meant by that.
***
All Johanna did was laugh in kind. “This is why we get along,” she said, smirk practically audible. “We think so much alike.” And they really did, too. Sometimes, at least.
Alright, so sex as a method of communication wasn’t anywhere near a healthy, viable method but it worked well enough for them. It’d long ago been established how utterly fucked up things were. At least right now, said method wasn’t staving off a fight or pushing off anything they needed to be talking about.
If only she knew.
***
“We’ve got our priorities in order, I’ll give you that.”
Dean had his priorities very much in order. He was saying his goodbyes, and then he was going to let someone put an end to his life before someone wound up getting hurt. He didn’t love the way things had to be, but they had to be. He’d lived on the edge long enough, been a threat long enough.
With the Mark about to break free, who knew what it would do to him when it did, he couldn’t pretend like he was strong enough to fight it anymore.
***
“We’ve always been good at that.” Two and a half years had proved that --
-- holy shit, two and a half years, seriously? No wait, a little more. Four months until it’d be three.
But enough thinking. She shook her head slightly. Back to that whole priorities thing.
“Anyway, like we were saying. On with the priorities.”
***
Dean just grinned, moving to lean over her. “You know, if you can’t get enough of all this, you’ve just got to say so.”
He punctuated the thought by kissing her. Priorities were definitely in order here. Hot not really girlfriend first, getting some right there with her, leaving good memories after that and the darkness looming over him a distant third.
***
“If I have to actually say it, then clearly I’m doing something wrong,” she said, laughing even as she tugged his head down to kiss him. She loved him, even as she hated the fact that she loved him, but for the moment she didn’t care about any of that. Or at least, she didn’t care about any of the baggage that came with it.
Ignoring massive amounts of baggage for the win!
“I’m good at showing it, though. I promise.”
***
Ignoring baggage was exactly what the whole thing was about. Ignoring it for just one night. Before Dean’s baggage was too much to carry anymore.