Jesse Pinkman | Breaking Bad (imthechemistyo) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2017-03-06 18:07:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !completed gdoc, !log, ~2017 march, ~25 points, ~~haymitch abernathy (drunkstrategist), ~~~~jesse pinkman (imthechemistyo) |
Who: Haymitch Abernathy and Jesse Pinkman
What: Jesse is coming down from a drunken high.
Where: The park.
When: Tuesday afternoon.
Warnings: Withdrawals? Talk of alcohol and drug use.
Status: Closed | GDoc
Jesse was in a bad place. He’d been spiralling down into this bad place ever since his arrival in Madison Valley, if he were being honest with himself. He’d met Jessica Jones, who looked exactly like his dead girlfriend back in Albuquerque. Then Jessica went back to where she had come from. Then the ghost of Jane appeared. Then Arthur wanted meth. And some kid named Gale was asking about it as well, though thankfully he didn’t have getting that kid hooked on his conscious. And Arthur seemed okay. But that didn’t mean that Jesse was okay.
He was sitting underneath a tree in the park, an empty bottle of tequila beside him. He’d drawn his knees up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. His head was resting on his knees, and he was rocking back and forth, very slightly. He had been doing so well when he first came to Madison Valley. He’d gotten away from Walter White, Gus Fring, everybody.
He had no idea what to do. He’d used up all his meth supply, he was out of alcohol. He was feeling horrible, and all he wanted to do was get more. Before the shaking got worse, before it got noticeable. Maybe if he was closer to the ground… yes, that would work. He curled up into a ball under the tree, his eyes squeezing shut.
Haymitch often walked through the park on his way home, he knew the place well since he took his little daughter there a lot when they gave Darcy a break. Though Stephanie found it less fascinating and usually fell asleep, apparently people and scenery watching weren’t her thing yet.
At first he didn’t notice the man laying underneath the tree but as he got closer he realised something was wrong. Other than the fact that normal people didn’t tend to be curled on a ball on the ground in the waning afternoon. Before coming to Madison he’d never have gotten involved, he’d have turned a blind eye but things were different now. Haymitch helped people and that didn’t stop at the groups he ran.
Changing course he approached the man, stopping a foot or so away he hunched down, “Hey, you okay there? Can I help?” he asked, not realising what a loaded question that happened to be.
“Madison Valley sucks,” Jesse mumbled in response to Haymitch’s question. His eyes opened, and he blinked once or twice as his vision adjusted to the brightness of the sun once more. That was about the extent of his capabilities at the moment, opening his eyes to locate the owner of the voice. “People who look like dead girlfriends, ghosts of dead girlfriends, people who look like dead girlfriends leaving…” He sighed softly, and rolled over onto his back. Now that wasn’t so bad.
Jesse looked horrible. He knew he looked horrible. But he didn’t care. What was there to care about? He looked up at the man hunched over him, watching him. “I’m fine,” he decided. “Just… don’t make me stand up for a while.” His words were actually rather clear for the state he was in, though he knew they wouldn’t be for long. He’d been like this before. But before wasn’t so hard to get what he needed to fix it.
He didn’t know this man, he didn’t know why he was even attempting to engage in a conversation with him. But there really wasn’t a lot he knew, since arriving in Madison Valley. “Do you… do you have any Sudafed? I might be dying. From a cold.”
It was only once the man moved to lay on his back that Haymitch noticed the smell of alcohol and the empty bottle beside him. Things began to make sense, “This place throws a lot at you, you’ll have to get used to that. But you aren’t alone, there are people here who can help” he said, moving to sit cross legged on the grass. He’d regret it later, he wasn’t as young as he used to be.
“I don’t think Sudafed is going to help with this type of illness” Haymitch said softly, “Is this the only bottle you’ve had today?” he asked, needing to establish how much alcohol was in this man’s system so he could work out what help he needed.
“I’ve got to get used to it? Are you serious? Being constantly reminded that it was my fault she died? That she died at my house, in my bed, because of…” my drugs, “because of me? Yeah, Mr. White watched her die and could have done something about it but it wasn’t his fault.” It was the drugs leaving his system and the abundance of tequila in his system that was making him talk about Jane, he knew this.
“Sudafed could actually help a lot.” At Haymitch’s question, Jesse glanced toward the empty bottle. “Yeah. One bottle.” Of course, if Haymitch was that quick to catch on to the bottle, he was probably going to be quick enough to realize that it wasn’t just alcohol in Jesse’s system. But that didn’t mean he had to admit to the meth just yet.
“That’s not what I meant. I mean the craziness with ghosts and things, that isn’t rare here. Coping mechanisms, healthy ones, are definitely going to help you” Haymitch told him, letting him get what he needed to say out. After all he was unknowingly helping Haymitch begin to understand the root of his issue, or a contributing factor anyway.
Oh Haymitch wasn’t stupid and he was used to half truths from people, “Okay so one bottle and what else? Pills? Powder?” he asked, watching for any reaction that may help in case the man decided to lie to him.
“Sudafed,” Jesse insisted. “Cold medicine.” Well, he wasn’t exactly lying. Sudafed was in his system, kind of. He sighed softly and closed his eyes. The sun was far too bright for this time of day. “Neither,” he admitted. “It’s neither.” Though… “It has a powdered form, though. And a pill form. And a liquid form I guess. More like crystals than anything.” He looked toward Haymitch for a second. “I wasn’t lying when I said Sudafed. Sudafed’s an ingredient.”
Jesse decided not to lie to Haymitch. He figured Haymitch would see right through the lies, and Jesse thought maybe Haymitch could help him stop the dying sensation. “I don’t have any more. No tequila, no meth. I ran out of Sudafed.” Which was why he was so insistent on getting more of the cold medicine.
“Either let me die in peace or give me more meth. Or tequila.” He made a face at the thought of the alcohol. “On second thought, either let me die or give me more meth. Tequila isn’t worth living for.”
That form of drugs weren’t Haymitch’s specialty as such but he knew about them, the hospital had put him through a course just to help him out since many alcoholics turned to other drugs too when they got desperate.
“You aren’t going to die without meth or drink but you are highly likely to die if you continue using it” he said, “Take it from someone who’s been through it. I’m not just spouting bullshit, you’re killing yourself my friend and you don’t have to be”
It was hard for Haymitch to see people like this, every time he did he was reminded of himself. Of how Peeta had found him actually dying and only the hard work of the people in the hospital had kept him alive. He was determined to help others now, to ensure they never got to the point he had where one more drink would have killed him.
“It feels like I’m dying,” Jesse mumbled. His body was starting to hurt as the meth was leaving his system. He still had quite a bit of alcohol in his system, but it wasn’t enough. The slight bit of shaking that he had managed to keep under control was starting to worsen, and he just wanted it to be over with. “It feels like I need to throw up.”
“I was doing okay here,” he admitted. “Then people found out I used to make meth back home and asked for some and I made it then I used it and now look at me.” It took Jesse a second, but he managed to sit up and lean back against the tree he had decided was a good place to die.
He looked over at Haymitch, watching him quietly for a while. “Why are you here? You could’ve left. You should’ve left.”
“I know that feeling and it will get worse but I promise it will pass in the end and you will be okay” Haymitch told him, remembering how it felt to feel the withdrawals setting in. It would be terrible for a while but if the man wanted to get clean Haymitch would help him every step of the way.
“I know how it can be, it’s hard to kick an addiction. You need support around you not temptation” Haymitch said, ready to help him as he moved to sit against the tree.
“I couldn’t, not without my conscience giving me a hard time. I used to be you, worse than you. I’ve used up all my second chances and now I help others before they get to that point in their own lives”
“I know it will pass. But that doesn’t help now.” Jesse had gone through this before. After Jane’s death, he had gone through a rough period similar to this one. But he had gotten clean. He had been okay. After everything Jesse had been through, he ended up okay. But then he was brought into Madison Valley and everything he had worked for, his being sober… it had all gone. It had started with the booze, yes, and he liked to think he wouldn’t have started making meth again if he hadn’t been asked to, but… it was his fault. He knew this.
He looked over at Haymitch for a moment, “I’d like to think I wouldn’t have gotten back on meth if I hadn’t been asked about it. If one of the people asking about it didn’t go through with actually wanting some. But… just because I made it didn’t mean I had to use it.” And just because they had asked didn’t mean he had to make it.
“My girlfriend died because of meth I had given her, you’d think that would be enough to stop me from doing it again… and then I was willing to give it to some kid here who had never even heard of it, who didn’t know how it is.”
Haymitch understood, he’d been clean and sober after time in thirteen but he’d soon fallen back into his old ways. And here it had gotten worse, resorting to black market stuff when he’d started running out of money. It was a dangerous spiral especially when you were alone.
“I’m not going to lie and say you haven’t made mistakes and by the sounds of it some shit choices but that doesn’t have to be the end. We all slip up, nobody is perfect. Yes, you fell back on old ways and maybe you should have known better but the safety of the familiar can be a comfort especially in a place like this. But you have options and you aren’t alone” Haymitch promised.
“Yeah but why does it seem like other people’s shit choices aren’t nearly as bad as the shit choices I make? People go through shit all the time here, and they don’t resort to meth.” Sure, Arthur had resorted to meth when he first arrived here, but he was off it now. Why couldn’t Jesse seem to kick the habit?
He studied Haymitch once more. “You’d help someone you just met?” Jesse wasn’t certain he was worth helping at this point, but if Haymitch was willing… “Why?”
“Your own choices always seem worse. If I have another drink I’ll die, literally. I’ve abused my liver so much over the years I was basically poisoning myself” Haymitch told him, “I’ve been exactly where you are now and I’m proof you can kick it and not go back to those old ways. That’s why I’m willing to help you. Because I had someone helping me and I wouldn’t be here without that” he said honestly.
Jesse remained quiet for a moment, considering what Haymitch had to say. Considering accepting this man’s help. He’d never met this man before in his life, but Haymitch appeared to be willing to help him out. This was something he wasn’t used to. Someone willing to help him get rid of his addictions to meth and alcohol. While he’d been ready to kick the habit of the meth, he’d not considered kicking the habit of the alcohol as well.
But maybe it would be for the best to kick them both? He couldn’t remember how it felt to be completely sober.
“Yeah, I think I need help,” he admitted.
Haymitch nodded, “Then help you will have” he said, “Now let’s get you to the community centre and we can work things out” He suspected the more intensive programme would be needed to ensure Jesse didn’t fall too quickly back into old habits but Haymitch was determined to help and he had a good team to support him.