Paige Winterbourne (grimoirepaiges) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2016-12-18 12:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !narrative, [plot] ghosts, ~25 points, ~~paige winterbourne (grimoirepaiges) |
Who: Paige Winterbourne and her dead mommy
What: Ghostly assistance
When: Sunday Afternoon
Where: Her house
Warnings: Reference to miscarriage
Status: Complete Narrative
A lot of people, Paige knew, were hoping whatever had happened in town would end soon. That Jaime would figure out what she’d done to cause it and that the ghosts that had descended on everyone would disappear. And she understood that. She understood that not everyone was visited by someone they wanted to see, that for a lot of people the whole thing was very difficult. If she’d been affected the same way, she’d probably be hoping for the same thing. But this time, Paige had been lucky. The ghost that appeared to her was exactly the person she wanted to see most.
Things were difficult for her, and she tried to put on a brave face. She didn’t want anyone, not even Lucas, seeing how much what they’d gone through only a month ago had hurt her. Rational aside, it had made her feel helpless, like she was a failure, guilty that she apparently couldn’t easily give her husband, give both of them what they wanted. Irrational, yes, but it was what it was and hating that she was being so irrational only made it worse. Not knowing how to deal with that, how to feel about anything right now, put her in a difficult position and she would have done anything for her mother’s support.
She’d been incredibly lucky in the aftermath of Jaime’s mistake, first seeing her mother in the kitchen with a cup of tea, making Paige drop her own, she was so startled.
Lucky that Lucas worked the hours he did and Briar had little interest in hanging around the house when he could be out instead, Paige quietly embraced her mother’s presence, drawing strength from it, talking out her worries.
Lying at the edge of the bed today, her head in her mother’s lap, her hair being stroked like a little girl, Paige quietly released the heaviest of her burdens. She told her mother’s ghost, as patient and understanding and gentle as she’d been in life, about how hard they’d been trying to get pregnant, for more than a year now. She knew it didn’t seem like a very long time, but it felt like an eternity. Every bit of hope they’d gotten along the way had only fueled their desire for a child of their own, as impossible as it sounded. As impossible as it looked right now. She told her about how excited they’d both been when it had finally worked, both of them letting themselves get overrun with it and start planning for a future months off.
She talked about how she hadn’t even realized at first what had happened and it was too late from before it had even started. About how she didn’t feel in control of her own body, and how for the first time in her life she knew there was no way to rely on her magic to help her. About how she’d seen Lucas’ heart break with hers, seen Adam’s take a blow too when he’d found out, and hated not knowing how to fix it.
Hated not knowing anything.
Her mother just listened while she talked, kept stroking her hair; Paige was amazed by how real it felt. And when Paige’s words finally died out, replaced by shaking breaths and stubborn sniffles because she refused to cry any longer, she said simply: “Try again, Sweetheart.”
That wasn’t the response Paige had expected, and she twisted a little to see her mother’s face, to look at herself in her eyes and see the lines of happiness and worry in her face. How many of those would she have herself one day? More of the former than the latter, she hoped, the way her mother did. “What?”
“I know it’s not easy. You can’t let that stop you from trying. I didn’t let anything stop me when I wanted you.” A fair point; Paige had never really thought about it but guessed it couldn’t have been easy for an older woman to intentionally have a child. “And when,” it was nice to hear a when rather than the usual if, “it happens, I promise you that looking into your daughter’s face makes all the difficulties worth it.”
“I guess.”
“I know. And you have a wonderful man who obviously loves you very much. You’re not going through any of this alone.”
“I know. Lucas…. I’m really lucky. I know that. I just...I wish you were really here.” Paige didn’t often wish for her mom, had dealt with her death and let herself mourn when she needed to, but the last month she’d wanted her presence.
A gentle kiss pressed against her head. “I taught you everything you need. You’ll be alright.”