Who: Veronica Mars and Steve Rogers What: Ghost Trauma Where: V’s house When: middle of the night Warnings: none Status: complete gdoc
Once again something weird was happening in Madison Valley. It started out innocently, at least for Veronica, when she had a lovely dream about Lilly. Years ago, when she was actively investigating her friend’s murder, she frequently dreamed about her and the dreams always brought her peace. As time went by, those dreams became fewer and further between and she honestly couldn’t remember the last time she had one. It was definitely before her arrival in Madison Valley. Whenever it was, the dream left her with a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in a long time.
Unfortunately, that peace was short lived. For some reason, she had felt uneasy all day today with the ominous feeling that she was being watched. A couple of times, she felt a weird chill and the hair on the back of her neck stood up. There were also a few times when she thought she glimpsed someone out of the corner of her eye, but when she turned, they were gone.
She was feeling unsettled when she got home, so she took a long, hot bath, drank a glass of wine, and went to bed early. It didn’t take her long to fall asleep, but she wasn’t sleeping very long before she fell into a dream.
She was gasping for breath when she jolted awake, kicking her blankets off because she felt too warm. It all felt too real - the smoke, the crackling of the flames, feeling trapped in that freezer again. And Aaron’s voice, god, she hadn’t heard it in more than a decade, but it was right there, as if he was next to her whispering in her ear.
It took a good ten minutes for her to settle down and she was glad that she didn’t seem to have woken Summer up with her nightmares. Every time she tried to close her eyes though, she saw his face looming above her and knew that she wasn’t likely to get anymore sleep tonight. After a few minutes of hesitation, she reached for her phone and dialed Steve’s number.
***
Steve was very rarely a heavy sleeper. He’d slept for almost seventy years, longer than anyone should do in a lifetime. He’d had more than enough, and always had too much on his mind of weighing on his shoulders to try for anything more than a light doze most nights. He got by just fine, and it meant that the moment his phone rang where he’d left it on the dresser, he was fully awake, getting up to answer it before it woke anyone else. This late at night, it must be something important, he figured, also grabbing a shirt as he looked at the screen, frowned and padded quickly and quietly downstairs as he answered. He could talk there, without disturbing the other two sleeping on the second floor.
“Veronica?” His mind immediately went to the worst, that someone had gone home on her. “What’s going on?” He really, in vain, hoped she would say nothing, she just wanted to talk. That wouldn’t happen, and she wasn’t the kind of woman to call him up at this time for that anyway.
***
As soon as she heard his voice, Veronica knew that she woke Steve up with her call, which made sense given the time, but she felt bad. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice still shaking a little. “I had a really bad dream and I just wanted to hear a safe friendly voice.” It had been a long time since those nightmares plagued her sleep.
“I shouldn’t have woken you though.” The last thing she wanted was for him, or anyone else, to think she was needy.
***
That was the last thing that Steve would think. Nightmares were something he understood very, very well. Nightmares were the reason he and Bucky shared a bed most of the time; they kept each other’s at bay.
“No, it’s fine,” he assured quickly. “I’m glad you did.” He would rather be woken up and be there for her, for anyone who needed him but especially for her, than make her have to deal with it alone. “Are you okay?”
She didn’t sound okay. He could hear the tremble in her voice.
***
“Not really,” she admitted. “It’s been a long time since I had these dreams, but it feels like it all just happened yesterday.”
Veronica still missed Lilly constantly and wondered what kind of life her friend would have had if it hadn’t been cut short. She wondered what her life would have been if she hadn’t gone through the aftermath of Lilly’s murder. It was such a defining moment in her life that she couldn’t even begin to imagine how different she would be as a person.
“It was… I told you about how my best friend in high school was murdered, right? And how I solved it and almost got myself killed in the process?”
***
He’d definitely heard that story, in generalities if not the details. Enough to know that it couldn’t have been easy for her, had to have left its mark. What was more surprising than her needed some comfort after having that dredged up again was that it didn’t happen more often.
“Yeah. I remember.” He wouldn’t make her talk about it if she didn’t want to. Steve wasn’t the kind of person who insisted on that. There was a lot in his own past that he didn’t want to talk about too. “Do you want me to come by for a minute?”
Comfort was better given in person, and Steve cared about Veronica. He wanted to comfort her when she needed it.
***
Veronica wanted to say yes, but she wasn’t sure if they were at that point in their relationship. She wasn’t even sure if calling him was the right thing at this point. “No, it’s okay,” she said, though her tone was anything but confident. “I don’t want to drag you out in the middle of the night because I had a bad dream.”
It was more than a bad dream, though she didn’t want to admit that. She felt the dangerous, predatory presence of Aaron Echolls even now that she was awake. But he’d been gone for a decade and there was no way he was in Madison Valley so she figured it was her imagination running away with her.
***
If she’d sounded at all sure of her answer, Steve would have accepted it. He wouldn’t have asked again, he wouldn’t have shifted the phone from hand to shoulder to hand to shoulder again as he shrugged into his shirt, balancing it carefully as he buttoned it and began looking around for his shoes. One day, he’d learn to keep track of them. Everything else Steve was tidy and organized about. His shoes always wound up rogue on him, though.
“It’s fine,” he assured. He was up anyway, now, and probably wouldn’t be able to pretend to sleep again if he was worrying about her. “I’ll be there in a couple of minutes, okay?”
A bad dream, as far as Steve was concerned, was a perfectly good reason to drag her guy out of the house in the middle of the night. If it was bad enough to call, it was bad enough to warrant a visit. Just as soon as he found his damned shoes.
***
As much as she wanted to say no, it wasn’t necessary, Veronica knew that she would feel safer having Steve there, so she simply said, “Okay, I’ll meet you downstairs. Don’t knock. I don’t want to wake Summer.”
She debated if she should change out of her striped pajama pants, but decided not to bother and pulled a sweatshirt on over her camisole before stuffing her feet in the slippers next to her bed and shuffling down to the living room to wait for Steve. Even now, she felt uneasy, and her eyes darted around the shadows as if she was expecting Aaron to jump out from behind the sofa and attack her.
***
Steve agreed quickly, hung up, spent another minute looking before finding his shoes, he really did need to be better about that, but after almost thirty years he probably wasn’t going to actually start keep track of them now, and was out the door and into the truck. It wasn’t a long drive, and it probably would have been just as quick to go on foot if he’d run, but at least if he took the truck and Bucky or Molly woke up looking for him, they could see that he was just out of the house and not gone for good.
That was always a worry when anyone was suddenly not where they should be with no explanation, and he hadn’t stopped to even leave a note.
In just a few minutes he was climbing out and walking up the driveway at Veronica’s, trusting that she’d be there to open the door when he got to it.
***
Veronica was hovering near the door, peeking out the window waiting for Steve’s truck to pull up in her driveway. He didn’t even have the chance to get to the door before she was opening it, more relieved than she realized she would be when she saw him. An overwhelming feeling of safety radiated from him and as soon as he got to the door, she wrapped her arms around his waist, needing the comfort of his solid form.
After a moment, she pulled back and ducked her head. “Sorry, it’s freezing out here, let’s go inside. Do you want a cup of tea or something?”
It would give her something to do to burn off some of her nervous energy.
***
The moment she came outside, Steve was sure he’d made the right decision coming over. There was no way he’d leave anyone he cared about alone that shaken up. Whatever comfort he could offer, he would. Handling the aftermath of nightmares was something he could do. So he folded his arms around her, just holding her until she pulled away again.
“Yeah. I wouldn’t mind one.” He didn’t actually need anything, wasn’t really a fan of tea either. But if she needed to make tea to make herself feel better, he’d accept it. Happily. “Come on; you’re not dressed to be out here.”
He wasn’t either, really. Sweatpants that he slept in and barefeet in his shoes weren’t good for the middle of December anywhere. Putting his arm around her shoulders, he guided her back into the house.
***
This was probably the least put together she had ever seen Steve and it was oddly intimate in a way that surprised Veronica. They hadn’t done anything more than kissing, not counting that awkward morning makeout on the cruise, and she wasn’t in a hurry to jump in bed, but the idea of curling up together was appealing.
She shook off those thoughts and padded to the kitchen to put on the tea kettle. “Thank you for coming over,” she said. “I used to have nightmares about Aaron and what he did to me frequently, but it’s been a long time since it happened.” The last time she remembered having nightmares was after Lindsey held her captive and that was nearly two years ago.
***
Stopping just inside the doorway of the kitchen, Steve watched her, patient and understanding.
“Did something happen to bring it all back?” he wondered. That would explain why it had happened after so long, though he didn’t really think that anything had. He’d have heard before now if she’d gotten into some kind of trouble.
He hoped he’d have heard.
***
“I don’t think so?” Veronica said, trying to figure out if there was anything that could have triggered her memories. “I had a dream about Lilly last night, but it was a good dream, you know? Like the ones I used to have about her right after she died that gave me the hope and courage to pursue the truth.”
Sure, thinking about Lilly seemed like a natural precursor to thinking about Aaron Echolls since they were forever entwined in her conscious, but a pleasant dream about her long gone best friend didn’t explain the fact that she still felt Aaron’s malevolent presence.
“You’re going to think I’m crazy, but I still feel like Aaron’s here,” she admitted, busying herself by pulling out mugs and spoons to prepare for tea.
***
Crazy, no, but Steve didn’t think she had anything to worry about. Dreams, though he knew they could be terrible, often were terrible, they were just dreams. He wouldn’t tell her so, that wouldn’t be right, and she had every right to be afraid of someone who had tried to kill her, but he was pretty sure that the feeling was just the remains of the nightmare.
“That can’t be easy on you,” he said instead. “I’ll stay around until that stops.” He couldn’t, wouldn’t, just leave her on her own to be haunted like that. “I’m glad you called.”
Glad that she trusted him enough to turn to him right now.
***
Veronica turned and managed a weak smile before going back to the cabinet and getting out some loose leaf chamomile. She took her time measuring the leaves and putting them in the strainer that accompanied her small teapot.
“Are you sure that Molly and Bucky won’t worry if you stick around here for a while?” she asked. “I mean, I am really glad that you’re here, but I don’t want to cause any trouble.”
***
“This time of night? They won’t even miss me.” With any luck they wouldn’t even wake up. He knew better than to actually believe that. Bucky had probably woken up the second Steve had gotten out of bed, had probably heard him on the phone and heard him leaving. He wasn’t worried about Bucky worrying about him, and he doubted Molly would wake up at all, so that wasn’t a concern either.
“I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t okay,” he assured. “They’ll be fine without me for a while.”
Even if Bucky probably wouldn’t sleep any more. It was actually good for them to force him to have to sleep on his own a little. Steve and Veronica weren’t there yet, but they would be one day.
***
“Okay,” Veronica said, flashing another quick smile before turning her attention back to the tea. The water wasn’t boiling yet, but she didn’t want the kettle to whistle and wake up Summer. Plus chamomile was delicate and would burn if the water was too hot. She poured the water over the leaves in the teapot and let it steep for a few minutes. While she waiting, she turned to face Steve and realized that this situation was a lot more awkward than she expected.
Still, she needed to say something. “Hopefully Bucky won’t think this is a booty call.”
Okay, maybe quiet was a better option.
***
Quiet probably was a better option, if that’s what came to mind to say.
Steve laughed softly all the same. There were worse reasons to have slipped out in the middle of the night. “So what if he does?”
What they did wasn’t really Bucky’s business. Though, of course, Steve would absolutely tell him once they did happen.
***
That was not the reaction Veronica was expecting and she blinked in surprise. “I guess it doesn’t matter,” she admitted. “We’re consenting adults who have been dating for more than three months.” And while that might not seem like a long time to some people, it was practically a lifetime here.
And honestly, she was willing to take that step when Steve was ready. Not necessarily tonight, given the circumstances, but if it happened soon, she wouldn’t mind one bit. At this point, she was following his lead. “Sorry, my brain to mouth filter is apparently still asleep.”
***
Steve didn’t actually mind, not nearly as much as she might think he did, and just shook his head to the apology. For him, that was a good relationship. Not having to filter things, not having to hold things back.
“Do we need to talk about that?” As in have an actual conversation about having sex. Not right that second, but if it was something they should talk about, Steve would set aside feeling uncomfortable about it. The last thing he needed was a repeat of the last time he’d avoided the subject and been talked to by everyone under the sun. That had been much worse.
***
“I guess at some point we will,” Veronica said with a shrug. “Doesn’t have to be right now though.” Even though it would be a nice distraction from her nightmares. “I’m not in a rush and I know you’re not either. We’ve talked about that much.”
Any woman would be crazy to not want to have sex with Steve and Veronica definitely wasn’t crazy. But she was also smart enough to know that good things were worth waiting for and after her missteps with Peter and Nick, taking some time before jumping into bed with another man was a good thing.
***
“Alright. As long as you’re not silently wondering when I’m going to make a move, talking can hold a while.” Just a while. It wasn’t as if Steve didn’t want to take another step in their relationship. A few months wasn’t that long, but in a place like this and a relationship like theirs, he’d known her, at least of her for years before they’d ever even thought about dating and he saw her almost every day now, it was a long time.
Long enough that he was convinced it would hold out, that they were slowly working their way in the right direction, toward a future together, and that was the knowledge Steve needed to be willing to make that move.
***
Veronica removed the leaves from the hot water and poured them each a cup of tea. “No, no wondering,” she assured him with a smile before handing a mug to him. “And besides, there’s nothing saying I couldn’t make a move if I really wanted to.”
It was the 21st century and she was a modern woman who wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted.
***
“Oh, I don’t know if I could handle that,” Steve joked lightly. He was glad that, whatever comfort she could be taking from his presence, it seemed to be helping. It had only been a couple of minutes, but she seemed a lot more at ease than she had when he’d arrived.
And he was taking this chance to learn what was going to work for her, figuring that one day, maybe not too far off, they’d be spending some nights together and nightmares were unpredictable.
***
“We can go sit on the sofa,” she suggested. There was a tiny part of her that wanted to ask him to stay the rest of the night because she was afraid that as soon as she closed her eyes again, she would see Aaron and not be able to get anymore sleep, but she knew they weren’t at the sleepover stage yet and she didn’t want to scare him off. Hopefully she would be able to relax enough before he left that she would get at least a little more rest tonight. Otherwise, she was going to need an awful lot of coffee tomorrow.
***
Even if she didn’t ask, Steve might stay. He trusted that Bucky and Molly were good on their own, with each other, and he wasn’t planning on heading home until he was sure that Veronica was going to be okay.
Following her to sit down, setting his tea on the coffee table, he settled close enough that he could, and did, wrap an arm around her. That was probably more comforting than just being there, and a little physical contact like that always helped Molly when she had her nightmares, always helped Bucky with his.
He wasn’t much for offering up assurances, though, didn’t feel the need to tell her that she was safe and he was there when he was obviously there and obviously going to protect her.
***
Having Steve’s arm around her helped a lot. For the first time since waking up, Veronica felt truly safe. It wasn’t something she would ever admit out loud because of her pride, but she was glad she called him.
She smiled up at him before resting her head against his chest, wrapping her hands around the warm mug of tea.