Jace Herondale | The Mortal Instruments (hatesbergamot) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2016-10-20 15:34:00 |
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Entry tags: | !closed, !completed gdoc, !log, ~2016 october, ~25 points, ~~isabelle lightwood (whip_cracker), ~~~jace herondale (hatesbergamot) |
Who: Izzy and Jace
When: Thursday afternoon
Where: Izzy’s place
What: Catching up
Rating/Warnings: Low/None
Status: Complete
When Izzy had gotten Jace’s message she’d been pleased to hear from him. She’d tried to give him space because she knew he’d been a little freaked out by everything he’d been told - even if he claimed he wasn’t. And she’d been worried about him. While she was glad Clary and Simon were here Jace was the closest she had to family here and she had missed him. Even when he was frustrating the hell out of her she loved him.
She was sat in the living room working out her schedule for the week while she waited for him to arrive.
***
Even if this wasn’t exactly the Isabelle that Jace remembered, she was still Isabelle. She was a little older, maybe, having been in this place as long as she had, and apparently she was in a long term relationship, which was far weirder than anything else that he’d learned about her recently.
But it was what it was, and Jace could push that to the side right now. It wasn’t that important, in the scheme of things. The other things, the things that were bothering him at the moment - they were much more important. And that was what he had come here to speak to Isabelle about.
He knocked on the door, and when she let him in, he came in and threw himself on the couch like he lived there, throwing an arm dramatically over his face in a gesture of long suffering.
“Clary Fray,” he said. “Tell me what you know.”
***
“Hi Jace, good to see you too. I’m good thanks, how are you?” Izzy said with a slight eyebrow raise as she sat in the chair and stacked her work to one side of the table.
Sighing she shrugged, “Like what? She’s my friend, she’s a shadowhunter, she’s your girlfriend but you don’t seem to want to hear that so what exactly do you want to know? And why?” she asked him.
***
“I met her buying soap the other day,” he said by way of explanation. Maybe it wasn’t a great explanation, but he didn’t really feel the need to give more of one. “And she...well. She’s interesting. Small. Tiny really. Carrot hair. Flat chest.” All things that usually lost Jace’s interest, but somehow in Clary they didn’t.
“But interesting.”
***
Izzy gave him a little smirk, “You were buying soap?” she said, for some reason she found this highly amusing but then Jace shopping for anything other than clothes was kind of amusing.
“Interesting? Define interesting” she asked.
***
Jace opened one eye and looked over at her. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, Isabelle, but I do have to bathe in order to smell this good.”
At her question, he stopped for a moment, choosing the right words.
“She makes runes. And she loves me. Even though I don’t want her to.”
***
“I know but you in a store buying things just amuses me” she admitted shooting him a wink.
“Yes she does. And let’s be honest you don’t want any of us to but we do” Admittedly she and Alec loved Jace in a very different way to Clary but the point remained valid. It had taken Jace a long time to accept their affection.
***
And he still wasn’t completely comfortable with the fact that Isabelle and Alec loved him. He also knew that Alec thought he loved him in a very different way, but Jace knew that he didn’t. There were reasons for Alec thinking that way - mostly the fact that he, Jace, was safe. But that was a discussion for another day.
“Well, she needs to stop.”
***
Considering her brother was in a very happy relationship with a sexy flamboyant warlock that was definitely a whole other conversation.
“Uh huh, well don’t hold your breath for that happening” Izzy told him, “We love who we love. We can try and deny it all we like but it doesn’t really change it”
***
“I’m incapable,” he said. “Of loving.” He knew that wasn’t true, deep inside, but he was lying to himself as much as to anyone else. He didn’t want to love. He didn’t want that weakness inside of him, or to post a danger to people he cared about. And that was what love was. Weakness. Danger.
“So...when you’re from, Clary and I are actually together?”
***
“No you aren’t. You are fully capable of loving and you know it” Izzy said, calling him on his bullshit because she knew as well as he did that was what it was.
“Yeah, you are. Very much so. It’s complicated and not at all easy but you both love each other too much to let anything stand between you”
***
Yes, he did know it. He also knew that if he gave into it, he’d only end up hurting the people he loved, because that was what love did. That - not joy and happiness - was the legacy of love.
“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said instead. “It seems so...limiting.”
***
“Well the you in the future doesn’t find it so” Izzy told him, “In fact you’re happier than I’ve ever seen you” she said honestly. Because Clary did make him happy even amidst all the crap that went on in their lives.
***
Jace was quiet for a long moment, contemplating. If he was honest to himself, the idea of having a girlfriend - of having someone he could trust and love without fear - was an appealing one. Not that he’d ever admit it aloud, but...well, it didn’t really matter, did it? That was a different world, a different life, a different him.
A happier him, apparently.
“What am I supposed to do, Isabelle?”
***
“I’m not sure I can answer that” Izzy said with a soft sigh, “But maybe get to know her a little. Even if nothing romantic develops it’s never a bad thing to get a new friend right? Especially here. It’s gotta be easier than trying to avoid her and worrying about it all the time”
***
Jace shrugged. Making friends wasn’t (and never had been) his first priority. It was something he just didn’t care that much about. People came and people went, and when it came down to it you could really only count on yourself...and maybe family.
“Yeah, I guess.” He sat up, running a hand through his blonde hair. “Well, thanks for the talk,” he said.
***
“You aren’t on your own here you know. But Jace, you need to make friends and settle a little bit. We don’t know how long we’ll be here for, you might as well enjoy it if you can” Izzy told him.
“That’s it? I fulfilled my purpose huh?” she asked him raised eyebrows and pointed look as he looked like he was readying to leave.
***
“Adequately,” he replied, meeting her raised eyebrows with its own.
“And do you really, truly believe I can enjoy it here? Taken away from everything I know? From my very purpose?” It seemed absurd to him, surely it would seem absurd to her, as well. “Honestly, I don’t know how you’ve given into this life. I didn’t think you were so weak.”
***
Izzy couldn’t help laughing at him then, “Weak? Really?” she nodded with a smile, “Interesting. I think it’s a little weaker to pine after something you don’t have here. To sulk like a child because things aren’t what you want. But we’ve disagreed before so it’s not surprising we are now” she shrugged. Izzy was happy here, she’d found a different kind of purpose in Madison and she was content with that. Until such a time when she was returned home anyway.
***
“It’s stronger to hold onto what matters instead of reshaping yourself into…” He waved a hand at her entire self. “Into...whatever you are now. Little better than a Mundane.” Maybe that was harsh, but he wasn’t okay with her telling him he was sulking. He’d lost everything, and had been forced into a very uncomfortable situation with a girl who claimed she loved him and that he loved her in return. Which was...unlikely, if not impossible, but he had no way to disprove any of it.
***
“What matters is me” Izzy told him, “And I am still me. I’d rather be a mundane version of myself than a moping broody version wishing for things that won’t come” Izzy was sick of Jace acting like he was the only one who had lost everything, she’d seen Alec and Magnus come and go as well as versions of him and it hurt each time. But she was strong and she refused to fall apart because of it. If that was the road Jace wanted to take then he’d be taking it alone.
***
Jace grabbed his jacket and shrugged it back over his shoulders, rolling his eyes at her. “Whatever you want, Izzy. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He didn’t look at it that way. He looked at it as though they were Shadowhunters, and she was a Shadowhunter who had given up on everything that meant while he had clung to it, no matter the pain it was causing him. He wouldn’t give up who he was. “So you’re saying that there’s nothing about you that is a Shadowhunter.”
***
“I’m still a shadowhunter” Izzy told him, “But here there is no shadow world which means we can see what else we are. Our purpose can be different here and the sooner you realise that the better off you’ll be” Because how could they only be shadowhunters here? There was no institute, no accords to uphold. Other than training which she still did there was very little else to do but discover new things.
***
If Jace was something other than a Shadowhunter, he didn’t want to know. He’d built his identity around that point, and he wasn’t going to completely rebuild himself. It had taken long enough for him to find his strength and purpose, and he liked who he was, thank you very much.
“Guess we’re going to have to agree to disagree on that, Izzy,” he said, not looking at her, his face the very picture of disappointment. “I’m off, then.”
***
“Guess so” Izzy said, feeling sad for Jace. If he couldn’t adapt to being here he was going to struggle to be happy, “I’ll see you soon” she told him, hoping despite his protestations that he’d try.