Who: Stiles Stilinski and Malia Tate What: Waking up on the wrong side of the bed When: Monday morning Where: Their room Warnings: Body switching fun TBD Status: Gdoc finishing in comments
Stiles wasn’t in the right spot when he woke up. He was on the wrong side of the bed, he was the big spoon and that really wasn’t right! Something was definitely wrong with how he and Malia were laying but he was having trouble figuring it out because damn it smelled like someone had let a goat loose in the room wearing Axe or something.
He pushed himself up on his elbow but that didn’t help anything. For some reason it looked like Malia had cut all her hair off and he knew when they went to bed the night before it was there.
“Mali...uh…” There was definitely something wrong with his voice.
***
Malia had been deeply asleep when someone moved beside her and tried to wake her up. She assumed it was Stiles, since that’s who she’d gone to bed with, but everything smelled, well…wrong. Or it didn’t smell at all. What the hell?
She sat up quickly, getting tangled in the blankets and ending up a second later on the floor looking up at...herself?
She blinked, rubbing her eyes, then looked again. Nothing had changed.
“Who are you? Why are you...me?”
***
Stiles’ brain usually worked pretty fast when he had weird stuff thrown at him but being faced with himself on the floor looking at him he had to go through a whole host of scenarios from evil twins to clones and pod people before it finally dawned on him what the question ‘why are you me?’ meant.
“Oh holy fuck I’m a GIRL!” Stiles sat up and yanked his shirt out to look down it...yup, there were breasts attached to his chest...Malia’s chest…”WHAT THE FUCK?”
***
Malia looked down at herself then, and her eyes went wide and she let out a rather unmanly screech.
“OH MY GOD I’M A GUY. I’M YOU.”
She pulled her shirt off as if searching for the aforementioned breasts, only to come up empty handed.
“What the hell, Stiles? What is going on? What the hell is this?!?!”
***
Stiles on the other hand was kind of groping himself because he was in shock but also because he was a guy and suddenly he had boobs and it was something he couldn’t help. Until he realized what he was doing and yanked his hands away.
“Uh...fuck I’m a girl. Oh fuck I’m a werecoyote.” He groaned and fell over on the bed covering his face with both of his hands. “We are in each other’s bodies just not in the fun way damn it.”
***
Malia stood up, running her hands through her suddenly very short hair.
“You have to fix this. You have to come up with a plan. That’s what you do, right? You fix these things. I don’t want to be a weak little human. I already fell out of bed, okay, that’s enough.”
She sat on the bed carefully, hoping that her clumsy little body would manage not to make an enormous mess of that.
“Who do we call to fix this?”
***
“I don’t think we can fix it. Allison and Isaac just had to wait it out.” God damn it he was going to be a girl. He’d better not be a girl for very long. “Seriously, I had a shower last night didn’t I?” He pulled his own body over to start sniffing it suspecting he was the one that smelled something like a goat.
“Do you actually like that soap? I feel like I smell like an Axe commercial but I don’t remember being able to smell it.”
***
“No,” she said, honest as ever. “I hate it. You smell like an Axe douche. But you seem to like it so I don’t say anything. Maybe you’ll change now? Because you smell awful with it. You smell much better sweaty and dirty. That’s a little sexy. Axe just smells like douche.”
She pulled away from him and stood, going to the mirror and looking at herself, scowling a little.
“I don’t heal either, do I?”
***
“I can’t smell it...I mean I can NOW but normally I can’t smell it.” Stiles looked at his hands after she pulled free and flexed the fingers. This was hurting his brain. He let out a small whimper before he sighed and crawled off the bed to go stand next to Malia...er himself.
“No. So don’t go crazy because I guarantee you’ll hate stiches.”
***
“Ugggggh,” she groaned. “Why? What’s the point of this? It’s not like I don’t know you. And I don’t want to know what it’s like to be like you inside. I don’t want to know what it’s like to be a clumsy, weak human.” She paused. “No offense.”
“And you know we’ve only got 10 days until the full moon, right?”
***
“Okay I don’t want to be a girl whether she’s a werecoyote, werewolf of mermaid for that matter. So no offense taken.” Stiles had put his hands on the borrowed breasts to emphasize what he was talking about. He’d probably be doing that a lot.
“Okay worse than the full moon how long until you’re supposed to be on PMS because there are certain things I just don’t want to know.”
***
Malia gave him what would have been a withering glare on her own face, but instead just kind of came out looking silly on Stiles’s.
“The week after the moon. You have to survive the moon first.”
She rolled her eyes.
“And you’re going to have to stop grabbing my boobs. Girls don’t do that.”
***
“I’m not a girl! I don’t care what I look like!” Stiles growled...which came out much more like an actual growl since he was in her body and crossed his arms. “Fine. Let’s hope we switch back before the whole full moon thing because no one fucking needs that.”
And Stiles was thinking they might as well just get dressed and face the music when he realized he was going to have one more immediate obstacle.
“I don’t know how to put on a bra.”
***
“Well, that doesn’t surprise me, because you’re not very good at getting one off, either.” And getting it on was quite a bit easier. Malia went over to her drawer and fished one out, bringing it over to him.
“Here. Now put it over your shoulders like that and around your boobs…”
This should have been easy, but somehow she managed to fumble it with her clumsy fingers.
“Dammit. You try to fasten it now.”
***
Stiles felt like this was some sort of cruel and unusual punishment thing. He did his best to reach around back to fasten it but had no idea what he was doing so he ended up walking in circles trying to fasten it. “God damn it!”
Finally he took the shoulder straps off, did the dumb ass thing where you fasten it, then turn it the way it actually went and put the straps back on.
“What the hell? These wires suck, they poke you.”
***
“Just wait until the bra gets worn out and the underwire actually comes out and pokes you. That’s even more fun.” And that actually had made her bleed before. Yay.
“But you got it. Good. Maybe we should go talk to Scott. Or Derek. Or somebody else who might be able to help us out with this?”
She put her hands on her hips.
“I love you, Stiles, but I don’t want to be you.”
***
“Join the club.” Stiles sighed looking at himself in the mirror. He was a girl. He was his girlfriend. Oh this was going to suck. “I guess I’ll start with Scott. You know before I go tell my dad that surprise he has a daughter!”
He was supposed to be taller than Malia, and Malia wasn’t supposed to look like him. It made it really weird to even contemplate hugging her right now. “You want to hit up Derek while I hit up Scott?”
***
“Yeah. I can do that. I’ll go talk to Derek, although he hates you and that’s going to be weird.”
If she could just convince him that she wasn’t Stiles playing some elaborate prank, it would definitely be easier. She just wasn’t exactly sure how she was going to go about doing that.
***
Stiles wasn’t even thinking of the idea that Derek would think he was playing a prank or he’d be a lot more amused about how Derek was going to react. “Yeah well we need to hit him and Scott but we can talk to Jeremy too. He helped with...you know.” Jeremy was the one that shoved the Nogitsune out of his head so he had Stiles’ trust for whatever bad stuff was going on.
“Then we move out from there. Magic, anything we can think of.” He scowled and tried to push his longer hair out of his face because it was annoying. “But no Peter.”
***
“Why no Peter?” He asked. Malia wasn’t any more a fan of her father than Stiles was, but he knew things. He’d been a werewolf a long, long time, and came from a family that had been werewolves even longer. Maybe he knew how to get them out of this mess, even if it did come at a price.
“At least you’re a hot girl,” she shrugged. “It could be worse, you know.”
**
“Because he hates me and even if he knew an answer he’d hide it just to make me miserable.” Stiles didn’t trust Peter. He’d either fake them out to get something or give them a real answer to get something and he wasn’t going to end up owing him.
“The whole hot thing might matter later. Right now I just can’t get past the girl thing.”
***
There was nothing Malia could really say to that. She didn’t trust the guy either, even if he was technically her father. There was only the technically about it. And everyone knew that Peter cared more about Peter than he did about anything - or anyone - else.
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad. I like being a girl.”
***
Stiles gave her one of those penetrating looks of his but it looked entirely different coming from Malia’s face than it did his own. Hell it felt different too.