Who: Inej and Kaz What: Dinner at Inej's Where: Inej's House When: Saturday Night
Inej was not much of a cook so she had ordered dinner from one of the many establishments in Madison for her and Kaz to enjoy. What she was good at was making desserts, so to go with the food she had made a chocolate cake and drizzled chocolate sauce on it. It was currently sitting in the middle of the table as she and Kaz finished dinner.
Inej enjoyed moments like this. Where it was just the two of them and Madison wasn't messing with them and making them think that they were anyone but themselves. She could speak freely to him and not wonder if everything was going to change when the sun came up the next morning. She much preferred the knowledge of what was and what could be and skirt away from whatever this place thought they should be doing.
She took a drink from her glass of tea and looked across the table at Kaz.
"Have there been any interesting potential jobs that you have heard of lately?"
That was always a safe topic to discuss with Kaz and they hadn't really done anything since the portal to the world of vampires when they stole the painting.
Kaz spent a lot more time at Inej’s place than he did at Alyssa’s home. It was obvious why. He felt far more at home here than he did with his guardian. Even if, for the most part, Alyssa left him alone, he still did not fully trust her and he certainly didn’t trust the vampire she was supposedly in love with. No, he would rather spend time with Inej. With the woman he loved. Yes, they were still working through the intimacy aspect of it all, but Kaz knew what he felt for Inej. Knew it more than anything else.
It was a bit odd to hear that Inej baked them the cake for dessert, but Kaz was never one to poke fun at developing another skill set. Knowledge was power and, apparently, in this circumstance, a good way to fill a stomach too. The two were finishing dinner and Kaz was sipping on a glass of expensive liquor. The Crows, while not swimming in monetary gifts back home, were still well off thanks to the jobs they occasionally pulled and cons at the local casino. They could more than afford anything they wanted even without guardians or legal work.
Speaking of jobs was always a ‘safe’ topic when speaking to Kaz. It didn’t involve emotion; it was all strategy, something Kaz excelled at. Even when the Dome decided to curse him with another life and, unfortunately, take Inej along for the ride. He despised the Dome for playing with them, in a sense interfering with the relationship they were slowly trying to build. He was silently grateful the Dome decided to butt out for the time being. To allow Inej and him to simply be who they were…even if that was not ever so simple anyway. “It’s more difficult to pull jobs inside Madison Valley,” Kaz explained. “It’s easier to pull them in a portal because we can simply escape and never have to worry about consequences.” Here, they could more easily be caught and there would be consequences. Pulling small cons at the casino and taking bets at Fight Night were easily overlooked. A job? Not so much.
“But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been considering…other options.”
While Inej was grateful to Marcel and Rebekkah for allowing her to be able to keep this house, she didn’t spend a great deal of time with them. While she didn’t know what Marcel had done to make sure she had her freedom, she didn’t want to do anything to upset that. That was why she tried to reach out sometimes and check in with Marcel to see how his family and he were doing.
It was hard for Inej to trust someone outside the Crows -- Madison Valley messing with their minds had helped Josh become one of those people -- and she was always wondering if there was a favor that the vampires were going to call in from her. She had already decided that her honor would see that she would deliver on it -- as long as it didn’t affect or endanger her own people in any way.
She was also glad that Kaz was comfortable enough to spend more time here than at the house he had been assigned to. This was more home for them because by all rights and purposes, it was their home. She had made sure that he and Nina had their own keys to the house so they could get in even if she wasn’t here.
Inej nodded, agreeing with him. She knew that it was better to pull their jobs outside of Madison, but she would follow Kaz into any job he decided to do. Not just because she loved him, even though that was a large factor. No, she would follow him because if there was anyone who could watch his back and get him out of danger it was his Spider.
Loving him just meant that she didn’t have to always hide her feelings from him when they weren’t working a job. Like now, they could just be themselves and if Madison could just give them more time where it wasn’t messing with their minds and lives.
“Just let me know where you need me and I’ll be at your back or above your head,” she said quietly as she took another drink from her glass.
She was enjoying the evening. She and Kaz were easy with each other. They both knew how they felt but they also were determined to work through their feelings and issues at their own pace.
He knew Inej would follow him into any dark place. Be by his side, above him, or anywhere else for any job he ever required her for. Kaz would never question her loyalty. Not anymore. However, the ‘job’ he was referring to was something far less dangerous than anything they’d ever undertaken and was more personal to him than anything else. Once he turned eighteen there wouldn’t be any more hurdles.
Kaz looked down at his drink. “I want to build the Crow Club here, Inej,” he said, voice quiet. He looked up at her, eyes filled with a rare show of emotion; they blazed with a mixture of fury and determination. “I want something from home here. For us. For me.” He knew he’d be asking too much to also find himself replacements for the Dregs (though Mickey was a good start), but at least he would have his club.
He pushed back his chair and crossed the short distance to the other side of the table. Kaz Brekker knelt for no one, but Inej was an exception to every rule he’d ever created for himself. Even with his bad leg, Kaz easily dropped to one knee in front of her chair and took her hand in his black gloved one, eyes looking up and gaze boring into her own. Deep, penetrating, seeing all of her as she was always capable of seeing all of him.
“I want you by my side, Inej,” he said. “But, as always, the choice is yours. I won’t ever force you. You know that. I want you to be happy. Because that means more to me than anything else.”
She nodded. She had always expected that to come up soon. She was in full support of this, The Crow Club had been his place, his home, and it had become her home, too.
Well, that was only partly true.
Her home was wherever the man at her table was. She was honest enough with herself to admit that, now. She would also admit it to Kaz if she find the right way to do it so as not to damage the progress that they had already made with each other.
“Kaz, you don’t even have to ask,” she said immediately when she heard what he said -- after she had gotten over the shock at him going down on one knee in front of her. “I know you would never force me into anything. I knew that from the time you managed to get my papers from Tante Danielle.” She reached out with her free hand to touch his chest, making sure she touched him over the cloth. “I want to be by your side in anything and everything that you want me involved in. Being with you makes me happy. No, being with you makes me more than happy. It makes me feel like a piece of my broken edges have settled where it belongs.”
She saw his honesty and determination shining in his eyes as he looked at her and she knew that he could see everything that she was and was feeling showing in her own eyes. There had never been a time in the recent past that she could hide anything from Kaz, and she never wanted to.
As Kaz’s home was wherever the woman he knelt before was. The Crow Club was a selfish want and need, but it was nothing compared to Inej. Nothing could compare with her. There wasn’t anything in the world he could buy, trade, or steal to replicate the way in which she made him feel. No matter how dangerous it was for them both back home, Kaz refused to bend, to yield to that fear. To give up this. Them. He would die before he allowed that to happen. As he would die before allowing anything to happen to her.
“But I do, Inej. I always do. You will always have a choice with me. No matter what it is.” And Kaz meant every syllable of that statement. He would always ask because she deserved to hear the question. To know with utmost certainty that he would never force her into anything. That his respect for her was boundless. Even when he told her to stay in Ketterdam. Stay with him. It was a plea. Never a demand.
Her hand settled on his chest, the touch light against the fabric of his shirt, but the warmth seemed to scorch his pale skin all the same. As always, there was the fear, the choking, suffocating fear of someone touching him, but Kaz forced air into his lungs. Shoved down the demons that raked and clawed at his mind and instead focused on her, on her voice, on her words that caused his rumoured cold, dead heart to clench in his chest.
“Inej.” Kaz’s voice, always so sure, always so confident, seemed to tremble with emotion. He released her hand and closed his eyes, gathering himself, his courage, and took a breath. Then another. Slowly, he started to peel the gloves from his hands, eyes flickering open to meet her gaze as he did so. He could see the sincerity in her eyes; the love that clearly lay within the depths. The leather gloves discarded on the floor, Kaz lifted his hands and carefully, gently cupped her face. He leaned forward and dared to allow his nose to brush hers. He could feel her breath on his cheeks. Taste it.
Fear rippled through him once more and his first instinct was to pull away, but Kaz shoved it down. Drowned it under the echo of her words in his ears. Head tilted up, closer now, and then his mouth was on hers in a soft kiss.
“I know and anytime you ask, I will give you the same answer. I want to be at your side at anything you do in your life that you will allow me to be.”
She watched him closely, ready to do whatever he needed her to do if something with this interaction went wrong.
Only, when his gloves came off, she couldn’t help but move her eyes to his, letting him see her feelings for him shining in her eyes and those emotions playing across her face. The Wraith usually kept her emotions and reactions hidden under a calm and careful mask. But not with Kaz, never with Kaz.
She almost stopped breathing when Kaz took her face in his hands. His hands were warm against her cheeks and she let out a breath when his nose brushed gently against hers. She knew it was coming, could see it in his eyes, but still, that soft, gentle kiss caught her off guard.
Off guard because she admitted to herself that she had wanted this from him so badly. She let him decide how the kiss was going to go, but she kept her hand on his chest where it had been before. She wanted to put her free hand on his face or even in his hair, but she worried that touching him like that would be too much, too soon for him.
She was happy. She was touched. And she was so in love with the man kneeling in front of her that she was sure that she could take on anything in the world to have more moments like this.
Yes, part of Kaz was terrified she may push him away. That this too may be too much for her. Yet, she didn’t. Her hand remained on his chest, no doubt afraid that any sudden movement may break the spell, and Kaz didn’t fault her for it. She knew him well enough, knew that what unfolded between them now took everything he had. All the strength. For as much as he loved Inej, his fear of touch, of physical intimacy was still so prominent in their relationship, in his life. It didn’t matter. They could work towards her hand on his face or the feeling of her fingers in his hair.
While his hormones raged at him to deepen it, to push the boundaries, Kaz kept the kiss light. Gentle. It felt as if it lasted eternity and not long enough. Soon Kaz was pulled away, breathless, but his hand remained, cupping her cheek. His eyes gazed deeply into her own.
“There is never a moment I do not want you by my side, Inej,” he whispered. “Never.” Because he trusted her above anyone else. Knew with every fibre of his being that she cared for him as much as he cared for her. That she (somehow) loved him. Kaz would never take that for granted. Ever.
His bad leg began to protest or perhaps it had been and Kaz didn’t notice, lost to everything else except for the young woman seated before him. He allowed himself a moment longer to feel her warm breath on his face, to savour the feel of her warm skin against his cool finger tips, and then he moved to stand, retrieving his gloves as he did so. Using the table, he hoisted himself to his feet, but tucked away his gloves. Instead, he offered her his bare hand.
“How about we clean up the dishes and sit in the other room? We can talk more,” Kaz said.
“I will always be at your side, Kaz,” Inej whispered. “Always.”
There was so much that she wasn’t saying -- that she couldn’t say -- in those few words. Not that she was afraid to say, just that she didn’t have the words to encompass everything that she felt. It was like that with her emotions for Kaz, but luckily, usually, he could read her and know what words weren’t being said as well as the words that were.
She loved Kaz more than she had expected to ever love someone, but was glad that their relationship had never relied on what words one or the other could say. The fact that it was Kaz that was touching her was both grounding and also made her feel like she was flying through the air.
When he got to his feet, she somehow wasn’t surprised to see him put his gloves away and hold at his hand to her. She placed her hand in his, feeling like he was the only thing anchoring her to the present moment right now.
“Yes, the dishes.” She nodded, getting to her feet. That was the smartest thing she had been able to come up with at the moment. She figured that she could be forgiven since she had been given both her first kiss and the first kiss from the man she loved. “I would love to hear more about your plans for the Club here.”