who → Jonathan Black & Quentin Coldwater what → Talking and cuddling where → The Physical Kids Cottage when → February 29, night time. warnings → none really, just a small side of angst to go with the conversation.
Jonathon changed into his pajamas then made his way to Quentin’s room. He quietly pushed open the door then closed it. “Hi,” he said softly, making his way over to the bed where he slipped beneath the covers. He wasn’t sure what to do. Did Quentin want to be held? Did he just want to talk and have Jonathon there with him? Fuck it. He moved closer to the other and slid his arms around his and pulled him close so that he was laying against his chest. If Quentin didn’t want it he would say so or pull away.
In the meantime Jonathon rubbed gently over his back and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “I love you.”
Quentin was trying to move past things that shall not be mentioned lest he break down again, he really was. He was pretty sure that the less they talked about it the easier it would be for him to move past it. He knew that no matter what, he saw a future with Jonathon, and that had not changed. The way he saw it, the only way to move past it, was to move past it. Keep moving forward and doing their best to be there for each other.
He was already in his pajamas, which were one of Jonathon’s shirts and a pair of flannel PJ bottoms when Jonathon walked into the room. He let the man lay down and shifted over to snuggle into his side. “I love you too.” He rested his head on his chest and just listened to the heartbeat for a few moments before shifting onto his other side. It took him a bit longer because he was doing his best not to break contact completely as he shifted. Once on his side, he reached back to pull Jonathon’s arm over. “C’mere.” He knew the man would get the idea and as soon as he did, Quentin snuggled back and sighed softly. It was not quite a happy sigh, but it was definitely not a sad one either. Contentment maybe?
He laced their fingers together at his waist and worked to get his thoughts together before he spoke. “I really want to make us work, Jonathan. But I can’t keep rehashing things one or the other of us has done…” He paused for a moment to think of the right word then shook his head. “I guess wrong is the only word that fits, but it’s not exactly right either. You know what I mean though, right?”
Those words made Jonathon's heart squeeze in the best way. He felt a little clingy since the moment he entered the room, so when Quentin moved he thought he was pulling away, needing his space. However, it quickly became obvious what he was doing and moved to slide next to him, spooning him. So much better.
He gave Quentin's hand a squeeze, listening closely as he spoke. "I know exactly what you mean." It was exactly how he felt. "I want us to work, too. Rehashing the past and mistakes doesn't help. They can't be changed." He wished they could, but it would never happen. "We have to work on us and keep moving forward, better each other and our relationship. That's how we'll heal and get to a better place." He pressed a few kisses to Quentin's shoulder. "That's what I want more than anything."
It really was the best position for snuggling in Quentin’s opinion. He was just glad that Jonathon agreed. He smiled as the man spoke and nodded. “Mistakes is a much better word.” It was still more or less the same thing, but softer somehow. It came with less blame than wrong did, at least in his mind. “Good, because it’s what I want too. And we’ll get there, Jonathan. I promise.” At least he was going to do his level best to try to get there with him, which was all either of them could promise. But if they were both trying, it had to work, right?
“Is it bad that I’m not really sleepy yet? I just kinda want to lay here with you like this. It’s comforting.” After the past few days was left unsaid. They were moving forward and that would be dragging up the past. He would not do that. “What about you? Sleepy or just restful?”
Promise. That Quentin would promise him anything at present was miraculous and he felt tears spring to his eyes. “You amaze me Quentin Coldwater,” he said softly. In so many ways. “I promise to work hard and work with you, to be all that you need.” To prove to you that I will and want to be the one who holds, loves and takes care of your heart. “I love you so much.” He’d already said it, but wanted to say it again.
He pulled Quentin closer if that was possible and nuzzled him gently. “Of course it’s not bad. I’m not really tired either. Laying here with you like this is comforting and makes me feel all warm inside.” There was more Jonathon wanted to say but for now he simply enjoyed holding and being with his boyfriend like this. “Do you think that maybe in a little time we could go away somewhere? Outside of Madison Valley. Like…I don’t know. Just somewhere new so to speak.”
He didn’t think he was all that amazing. He was just a guy in love who was willing to do what he had to do to hold onto that love. He brought their hands up and kissed Jonathon’s fingertips then settled their hands at his waist again. “And I promise you the same thing. I love you, Jonathan. With everything I have in me.” It was the only way he knew how to love. He just hadn’t managed to find many people who loved the same way.
“Exactly. I think we need this right now. Just being us.” Without any distractions from anywhere else. These were the moments that he stored away to remember in those moments when things didn’t look so good in his life. “That sounds like a good idea. Do you want to go somewhere neither of us have been? Or do you want to show me a place that is special to you? Or do you want me to take you somewhere that is special to me?” As soon as he said it, he knew where he’d take the man if he could. He just wasn’t sure that was possible. He could dream though.
“Thank you, beautiful.” There was a lot ahead of them. A lot that Jonathon had to work on to earn Quentin’s trust back and prove that he was still the one who would always care for him and his heart. It could be overwhelming to think about, but he was determined. “It is nice. Just you and me. The soft quiet.” He couldn’t explain it any other way.
“Yeah?” He smiled. The idea of really getting away was so appealing. “I want to go wherever you want to go. If there’s somewhere you’d like to go then let's do it. That’s just my way of saying I’m willing to go anywhere as long as we go together.” Jonathon took a breath then let it slowly, giving himself a moment. “Quentin? Can I kiss you?”
Beautiful. He hadn't been called that in a long time and it hurt a little to think about the last time it happened. But it hit different when Jonathon did it, so he focused on the moment and not his past. That's what they were doing after all. Moving forward. Quentin squeezed his fingers gently. "See? You get it." Jonathon did get him in a lot of ways that no one else had, even if there were still a lot of things that he had to learn. But that was part of why they worked, at least that was Quentin's thoughts on the matter.
"Yeah...you're sweet." He wasn't sure where he wanted to go. "I'll think about it and get in touch with the transportation people see what's available. We've already been to NYC. Maybe someplace like..." He trailed off and shrugged and laughed softly. "I have no idea."
The soft, quiet question caught him off guard and he furrowed his brows as he thought about it. He looked down at their hands and rubbed his thumb over Jonathon's knuckles, so the man would know he wasn't just ignoring him. After a few moments of thinking he nodded. "Alright." He let go of his hand and shifted around again so they were facing each other. He wasn't sure how he would feel about a kiss, all things considered. But deep down, Quentin knew that wanted it. He wanted all of Jonathon's kisses going forward.
"I do get it." Of course he did. They both wanted the same thing to make their relationship work, to not wallow in what happened and keep opening the wounds. They wanted to move forward together, work together and that was what Jonathon wanted more than anything.
A tiny smile came to his face when he was called sweet. "When you know, let me know and we can discuss dates so I can make sure get the time off from both my jobs." He was curious what destination Quentin would choose to be honest, but liked the mystery of not knowing until they were planning it.
Jonathon would let Quentin think on that question all night if he needed the time. He knew he needed to think about it, ponder if it was something he wanted. He looked down to their hands as well. When the other answered he let out a breath he'd been holding. Most of him expected the answer to be no, not yet and would have respected that. Once Quentin had turned to face him he looked into his eyes, searching them. He leaned in closing the gap between them and caught his lips in a long slow kiss.
That simple statement of agreement did wonders to soothe Quentin's fears. He would never be able to explain how or why, he just knew that he felt better about their relationship. Hopeful would be a good word for it. They would get there. Together. He nodded. "Yeah. I will." It was a little late to make it a spring break trip. He was tempted to just wait until school let out. That would give them the time to properly plan, and give Jonathon time to arrange his schedule.
He waited to see which one of them would move first. He wanted to lean in, but he was still nervous that the moment their lips met his brain would bring up everything he didn’t want to think about. Then Jonathon was leaning in…their lips met and Quentin had only a moment’s hesitation before he let himself melt into the kiss. A kiss might be all he could handle for now, but at least it still felt right.
Jonathon let the kiss linger, soaking in the warm feeling it sent through him before he pulled back and smiled at Quentin. He wasn't sure what to say and maybe words weren't needed at the moment. He shifted to sit up then stood up just to pull back the covers, hoping Quentin would follow suit. When he did both slipped back into bed and Jonathon pulled his boyfriend close once more and wrapped his arms around him.
He switched off the bedside lamp, throwing the room into darkness. "Night, Quentin." Sweet dreams. He gave him a gentle squeeze then closed his eyes. It was a more restful and peaceful sleep holding Quentin.