Who: Shawn Spencer (Narrative) What: Shawn goes to deal with his arch nemesis Burton Guster When: Early Afternoon (yes, in broad daylight) Where: Gus' work Rating: low
Shawn didn't care what Juliet said about him being unreasonable - or that was what he was pretty sure she said. It was hard sometimes not to get lost in those beautiful eyes of hers and did she know that her mouth did this cute little twitch thing when she got annoyed at him? He thought it was super adorbs. And so he had ended up staring at the little twitch instead of actually listening. Whoops.
Either way, he knew what he had to do. There might not have been any proof that Burton Guster aka enemy number 1 aka big evil bald head guy aka the worst person ever aka ugh that guy is the worst... stole his pineapple. That pineapple was RIPE and time for the most delicious smoothy and THAT MAN HAD TAKEN HIS PINEAPPLE HOSTAGE.
As he told Jules, he had waited long enough for any ransom demands (read: ten minutes) and now he was going to take matters into his own hands. He'd watch MacGyver and had two awkward conversations with the military MacGyver guy at the Marina who did not seem to have an appreciation with mullets as he did in the 80s. He could do this.
Now sure, some might say that sneaking into the Madison Valley Boys Club was an easy task, but they would be wrong! Especially since this was a rescue operation.
And so Shawn Spencer was currently kneeling in a bush with binoculars watching the comings and goings. Occasionally people would walk by him and notice him, but they would usually just pretend they hadn't and rush away like he was crazy. The perfect disguise.
Suddenly he saw Burton Yuckster.
"There you are." Yes, Shawn was whisper-talking to himself while crouched in a bush in broad daylight looking through binoculars. "You think you're so smug with your button down shirt and delightfully smooth head. Well I have news for you Black Mr. Clean -" Shawn began to speak in a low, dramatic voice. "I know who you are AND I know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career of being entirely awesome. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my pineapple go now that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill you." He narrowed his eyes dramatically and nodded, then after a pregnant pause self-edited in the same dramatic voice that was not really Liam Nissan, but Liam Nissan adjacent, "Okay maybe not kill you because that's a little overkill, but I'll kill your plants. Yeah." There was another pause and then he added, again with the voice. "And if you don't like plants or have any, I'll kill your self-esteem." This time he nodded approvingly. Got 'em.
A little more surveillance and then he rolled out of the bushes startling a woman with a stroller. Shawn put his finger to his mouth and shhh'd the toddler in the stroller before the mother hurried along their way. Shawn then stood up and made his way half-crouched like he was in a movie sneaking up on enemy territory. When he got close to the doors, he walked in as a thirteen year-old kid walked inside.
"Hello! My name is Enrique Iglesias and this is my son, Eduardo." He spoke to the receptionist who hadn't really asked.
The kid gave Shawn a look. "My name is Kevin. And you're not my dad."
Shawn looked at the give with a surprised look. "Kevin? Really?" He started to shake his head. "What were your mother and I thinking?"
The boy gave Shawn a 'wtf' look before walking off. Shawn laughed and looked at the receptionist who had gone back to doing some other work. "Kids these days. Am I rite?"
Now was his chance since he had distracted her with his charms! He snuck to the left and down the hall looking for the his fiendish-foe's lair. Once he found the door with 'Burton Guster' on it, he knew he was close. He crouched and again, spoke in a whisper like he was on some undercover cop show. "Alright... now all I got to do is take this hair pin and pick the lock." He moved to pick the lock only to discover the door had no lock. "Jackpot." He celebrated as if he'd unlocked the door.
He counted to five, then threw open the door and jumped inside dramatically, holding out a stapler he'd stolen on his way there. "Give me back my pineapple!" He clicked the stapler a few times with sent little folded metal pieces out onto the floor, but otherwise did nothing else.
Gus's room was empty.
There was also no pineapple.
A woman was walking by and noticed Shawn in the room. She poked her head in. "Sorry! If you're looking for Gus, he's gone home for the day! He'll be back tomorrow though." Then she continued on her way.
Shawn narrowed his eyes. Did he spot a pineapple leaf on the bookshelf behind the man's desk?
"You win this round. But I'm not giving up that easily."